Sampha123 Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 Hi, My gf and me have been dating for 12 months now. Everything is great and we love each other. We moved together about 2 months ago and she makes me happy. Everything is perfect now, but I made a huge mistake after 1 month after our first date. I was on a trip abroad and had one night stand with stranger. This happened when I was drunk (it's not an excuse, I know) but anyway it happened and I feel very bad about it. I think the reason why that happened is that I was scared of falling in love again and I was comparing single life vs serious relationship. Time passed and we fell in love anyway. The problem is that I'm not sure what was our status with my gf back then (after 1 month of dating) because we had not talk about relationship yet, but we had spent nights with each other. It didn't felt so bad back then, because I was unsure are we gonna have serious relationship or not. In the beginning I said that I'm not sure about this but let the time tell. I don't know If I should tell or not about that mistake? All my gf's previous boyfriends have cheated on her and if I would tell this it would be over immediately because I know how she thinks of any kind of cheating. I guess it's too late maybe, that mistake happened almost a year ago but it still makes me feel bad everyday. My opinion is that if the same thing would happened to her I would't wanna know. What do you think I should do? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 Maybe if you fessed up before you moved in but to tell her now, what good would it do? She'll dump you & both of you will have figure out how to get out of a lease. If you simply stay the course & be a faithful going forward things ought to be fine if you keep your mouth shut & tell no one. If you already told you buddies way back when it happened, it will come out so there is something to be said for you controlling the message. I just see this getting expensive because you already moved in & now somebody will have to move out Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 I wouldn't say anything, you cray cray. You two barely knew each other, and you didn't know where it was going...in a way, you just went on some dates and were not exclusive, so she could have rights to do the same. Why spoil a good thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 Say nothing... some secrets we take to our grave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jamess1 Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 There is nothing to confess, you are a man. Contrary to the gospel of feminism men and women are not the same, gender is not social construct. Your sexual strategy is unlimited sex with as many women as possible, spread your genes as much as possible, your so called cheating doesn't confuse paternity with your current gf Your gf's sexual strategy is to select sex with the 'highest value' man she can get, a balance between genes and parental provisioning potential. Her cheating confuses paternity but not maternity : you wont know that the child is not yours, but the baby is always hers Our biology supports the dynamic : your gf has limited number of eggs, limited fertility during the month. You have unlimited sperms, and unlimited fertility ( maybe limited erections ) Nothing to apologise for, you have been socialy conditioned to think what u did was wrong, it wasnt wrong.That is why high value men can keep a quality woman even though he has 'side chicks', polygamy was the default in all cultures, still practised in many parts the world, muslim countries for example From my personal experience women are okay with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 Many evolved people advance beyond the so called reptilian brain which advocates the reproductive imperatives described by the above poster. There are very few people who will be OK with being cheated on. If you promised your GF you two were monogamous & exclusive, by being with another woman, even early on in your relationship, you cheated, you lied & you have been lying to her every day thereafter. However a year later confessing now won't do any good & will only harm everything. Since it was only 1 month in, if you hadn't had "the talk" yet, technically you did nothing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 I agree with prior posters. If there was no clear understanding that you two were exclusive then there was really no "cheating" on your part. The only thing that concerns me is that you say it still makes you feel bad every day. How long can you live with that? Is it going to slip out one day? I say don't tell her and over time the memory will fade and won't bother you so much. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 Telling her now will cause more harm than good. It was only a month into dating, and your exclusivity was questionable. As long as it hasn't happened again, leave it in the past. Let go of your guilt and focus on the present and future of your relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 It seem you were not yet a couple when this happened, so I don't see a reason to tell her. Did you use protection with this stranger? Link to post Share on other sites
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