anduina Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 Around a year ago, I caught the ex-fiance sexting with his ex and dumped him on the spot. He didn't want the ring back at the time. I texted him a month later to offer the ring back and he, in writing, told me to keep it since it was his fault. Recently, my new fiance and I got engaged. As a practical, anti-consumerist, I want to repurpose the ring. My fiance's anti-consumerism and was fine with it so I started wearing the ring again. The problem is with my mother. She wouldn't stopped hassling me about this being wrong to the extent that I've told her shut up and keep her busybody nose out of my business. She didn't take that well and now my father's up in my grill so I've now blocked both of them from any contact. Bear in mind that these are the parents who made me feel like nothing growing up since it was all about my autistic brother. They not only neglected me but forced me to do the lion's share of the work to take care of my brother. They're not invited to our wedding and I'm glad. Blood is bull****. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 I say good for you on all counts. I write off anyone who doesn’t add to my life - including my parents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 (edited) Weddings bring out the worst in people. Your mom is a good example. Personally I'm a bit superstitious, & for that reason alone would not repurpose the ring from my broken engagement. Can you compromise by separating the stone from the ring, selling the ring for it's value & using that money to purchase a new setting for the other stone? Look at it this way . . . you are giving somebody a job. Since your parents are already not invited to the wedding, their opinion about your ring should make no difference. It's your ring, your life & your marriage. I just kinda think that a new good relationship shouldn't be tarnished even the slightest by the old ring. Edited August 3, 2018 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 I like D0nnivain's idea. I realize nothing is cheap, though. But a new setting would seem like a new ring. It might not be too expensive if you got an jeweler to give you a good enough price on the gold or whatever it is. FYI, the stones are not worth anything to a gold/silver trader. It's only the metal, so keep the stone. Also, you can buy a setting online if you read up on how to be sure you get the right size setting for the stone. The stones are certain shapes and millimeters like 8 or 10. Then you'd still have to pay a jeweler to set it though. However, once you get your wedding band to go with it, it will seem more like your fiance, won't it? I'm sorry your parents were too overwhelmed to do right by you. Hope you find all the happiness you missed out on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 I sold mine after everything was finalized. What was $800 new was only worth $50(ish) for it's metal value (14k gold). I loved that ring, but felt uncomfortable keeping it, and did take the paltry cash value. I can understand not wanting to buy another ring, though for me, I would be uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 Err, I'd personally much rather wear a $10 costume jewelry ring as my engagement ring than wear a ring from a previous relationship. However, it really is up to you and your fiance, and indeed it is none of your parents' business. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 If you and your fiancé are fine with it, wear it! You handled your parents perfectly. I repurposed my engagement and wedding ring (I had them both, even tho I initiated the divorce). I'm not superstitious, the thing cost a pretty penny, and I rarely wear it. It means more to some then others; it's YOUR happiness, not your parents. If anyone dared challenge me on it, I'd give them the ring, where the sun don't shine. And, what Sevencity said! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 My mom repurposed her first wedding diamond and had it reset for me on my 21st birthday. i still wear it every day. I'm glad I have it because we don't know what became of her wedding ring from my dad. Probably stolen or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 I'm not superstitious, the thing cost a pretty penny, and I rarely wear it. Yeah, it's definitely an 'each to their own' thing. I'm not superstitious at all, but I don't like jewelry for its own sake, and rarely wear any outside of special occasions. I only make an exception for my ring, because of the sentimental and symbolic value it holds. If it wasn't given to me by my fiance, I wouldn't see any point in wearing it. It is incredibly annoying when parents try to push you into doing something you don't want to do just because they view things differently, though, so I'm with you and the OP on that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 (edited) I also would sell the ring ... and buy a new cheap ring with my new partner or I'd return it. This is just me of course, but I don't want any of the previous person's bad mojo to sneak into my life. I'd be afraid of being cursed by his bad energy by repurposing the ring. And I'd want a new and completely "clean" symbol for my new relationship. So sending back the ring or selling it and enjoying the proceeds would be my perferences ... I don't think using the money from a sale carries the same bad-lingering mojo risk as wearing a ring originally given by an ex. Frankly, I'd be afraid I would be reminded of the guy by wearing the ring. And sorry to hear about your parents ... I know that lots of people in families with a sibling with a condition or disability ... end up neglected ... I had multiple sick family members ... and at a certain point, my mother did the triage thing ... She looked at me, concluded I was wounded but would survive and she turned her attention elsewhere to put out the raging fires. I was able to make peace with this ultimately--not saying you should do the same. Your situation sounds a lot worse. Edited August 4, 2018 by Lotsgoingon Link to post Share on other sites
Author anduina Posted August 4, 2018 Author Share Posted August 4, 2018 Since my fiance and I are onside with the repurposing of the ring, I won't be selling or resetting it. It's an object. My parent's opinions don't matter. If we don't speak for the rest of my life, I don't care. They detract from my happiness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 Since my fiance and I are onside with the repurposing of the ring, I won't be selling or resetting it. It's an object. My parent's opinions don't matter. If we don't speak for the rest of my life, I don't care. They detract from my happiness. You made your choice. It's what makes you happy. Stick to your guns. It IS your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 You're clear as a bell. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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