Going out alone

[Lorenza]

Is it pathetic for a woman to go out alone in hopes of meeting someone more organically? I know a couple of places in the city that I love, like the jazz club that usually attracts interesting people. I would normally go there when I'm already on dates but I would get a lot of looks and smiles while passing through the crowd. I don't want to go with my girlfriends because they're absolutely not into that kind of thing. None of my girlfriends share my taste and esthetic so dragging someone with me would result in me worrying the whole evening if they're not bored.

The thing is, guys don't make a move on strangers here where I live. And I'm definitely not the kind of person who can start talking to someone first. Is it pointless then? I guess I could smile back or something?

Besides, does it look weird if a woman is on her own?

[No_Go]

Not weird at all to go out alone, but I don't think you can meet someone that way unless you're wildly extroverted.

 

IMO if it is to meet people you have much better chance with joining a class or anything where you need to go repeatedly.

 

Otherwise have fun going out alone, nothing wrong with it, and dating yourself is actually one of the best treats one can give themselves I personally love it.

[brigit87]

Is it pathetic for a woman to go out alone in hopes of meeting someone more organically? I know a couple of places in the city that I love, like the jazz club that usually attracts interesting people. I would normally go there when I'm already on dates but I would get a lot of looks and smiles while passing through the crowd. I don't want to go with my girlfriends because they're absolutely not into that kind of thing. None of my girlfriends share my taste and esthetic so dragging someone with me would result in me worrying the whole evening if they're not bored.

The thing is, guys don't make a move on strangers here where I live. And I'm definitely not the kind of person who can start talking to someone first. Is it pointless then? I guess I could smile back or something?

Besides, does it look weird if a woman is on her own?

 

OK it could be weird. But you can do it if you have a story...lol.. Maybe you were on a job interview or dropped someone off at the airport or something like that and happened to walk by the place so you decided to drop in just for a drink. Or, you were supposed to meet your friend there and she just texted you and cancelled and you didn't feel like leaving. (That's a good one.)

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think it's weird or pathetic, and I actually believe men would feel more comfortable approaching you that way than if you were with a group of friends.

 

Just keep your wits about you and mind your safety, as a woman on her own can also obviously attract the wrong type of person as well. Let a friend know where you are and touch base with her at the end of the evening.

[SmartDude]

I struggled with this recently. I am a man and so my perspective may be different.

 

 

It was uncomfortable slightly at first. The only one who thinks it is pathetic might be you! If you are comfortable with yourself, you may find no one really cares. At least this is what I found out is true most of the time.

 

 

 

If it is a jazz club that is easier. You can say you are there for the music. You don't have to talk to any guy but you might have to park your butt right next to one that you like. Smile, enjoy the music. If you get eye contact, just be brave for a moment and say "hi".

 

 

 

Single at a bar can be more intimidating for a woman. But really it would be great if more women went out on their own. Some bars at night are full of nothing but men..

[preraph]

I started going to music places along in the early 1970s. You're there to hear music. A lot of other people are too.

Cowardly guys are always lamenting that they were afraid to approach some woman because (God forbid) she had friends with her. As long as you look friendly, and interested in the music, you won't look cheap or anything.

 

I advise you make yourself smile at everyone you cross there, men and women so you look friendly and social and like you might know people. And in time, maybe you will. It will make you look approachable. Now, mind you, you will attract a lot you may not be interested in if you look approachable to everyone, but you can always tell them you have a bf but just wanted to see this band or whatever and not lose any friends that way. If someone just tries to pick you up that night and you're not down for it because hookup isn't what you want, just tell them, "I don't do hookups with strangers, but if you'd like to call, here's my number."

[Gretchen12]

I go out alone all the time. It's never weird when you're an aficionado of whatever you're taking in (in this case Jazz). It's only weird when the person (man or women) is obviously looking to meet someone. You can tell because they are self conscious and keep looking around in that searching way. You can also tell the tourists from the regulars.

[Interstellar]

Not weird at all, Go for it.

[Mrin]

Dude here. I'll give my stats so as to inform my opinion:

 

46

US Based

Professional

Divorced father of 2 daughters

 

Absolutely you should do it. As I travel a bunch I spend a lot of time in bars, restaurants, museums, festivals etc... When I see a woman out alone I don't think anything of it. But if I had to actually think about it, I would say that I would be inclined to think of her as independent and a woman who knows what she wants and goes and gets it. Kinda the opposite of pathetic or desperate actually. Also, I am far more inclined to approach women by themselves instead of with a group of friends. It is just my perspective but if I am going to strike up a conversation with a lady I would want it to be a real conversation and if she's with a group of friends that somehow feels like I am intruding on her fun. Does that make sense?

 

Suggestions:

1. It sounds like you are already on this but go to places where people you would want to meet are likely to go.

2. Go to places where you can have a conversation.

3. Avoid "nightlife" party places.

4. Maybe trend upscale a bit?

5. Bring a book. A lady reading a book at a nice bar is pretty cool and it give me a way to strike up a conversation - tell me about the book you're reading. A woman nose down in a phone is a turnoff.

6. If you see a guy you want to meet, make eye contact and smile. If you don't some guys might conclude that you're the bartender's girlfriend or are traveling on business and want to be left alone.

7. Museum cafes are good places too.

8. Lunch and dinner is better than late at night.

9. Dress up a bit. Not a ton but just enough. A well dressed/groomed woman to me says confidence and high value - someone I am far more likely to want to meet.

 

Hope this helps!

 

Mrin

[OatsAndHall]

I go out to various locals alone all the time. I'll go up to the local bar with a pocket-full of quarters and shoot pool for hours. I've approached a few women who have come into the bar. Sometimes I get shot down, sometimes I waste money on a drink but sometimes I get a number.

 

 

 

And, I'm not all that out-going. Lol.

[alphamale]

as long as you're at someplace you're comfortable with then go for it. the jazz club sounds great

 

I've met a lot of chicks that were out on the town by themselves

[basil67]

OK it could be weird. But you can do it if you have a story...lol.. Maybe you were on a job interview or dropped someone off at the airport or something like that and happened to walk by the place so you decided to drop in just for a drink. Or, you were supposed to meet your friend there and she just texted you and cancelled and you didn't feel like leaving. (That's a good one.)

 

Rather than a BS line, I'd go with honesty: my friends don't share the same music tastes as me. If it's a more obscure genre, they will nod in understanding.

[basil67]

Is it pathetic for a woman to go out alone in hopes of meeting someone more organically? I know a couple of places in the city that I love, like the jazz club that usually attracts interesting people. I would normally go there when I'm already on dates but I would get a lot of looks and smiles while passing through the crowd. I don't want to go with my girlfriends because they're absolutely not into that kind of thing. None of my girlfriends share my taste and esthetic so dragging someone with me would result in me worrying the whole evening if they're not bored.

The thing is, guys don't make a move on strangers here where I live. And I'm definitely not the kind of person who can start talking to someone first. Is it pointless then? I guess I could smile back or something?

Besides, does it look weird if a woman is on her own?

 

I don't think that a woman on her own is odd. But you're not going to meet people if you can't strike up a conversation with a stranger. At the very least, you need to have a ready smile for those around you.

 

I think that attending events with friends is the best way to meet people. Especially if they know new people who they can introduce you to.

[Lotsgoingon]

Brilliant idea! ... go for it.

 

I'm gonna be totally honest here ... if I see a woman with a group of people, Im definitely less likely to approach her for conversation than if she's alone.

 

Definitely! Do it.

 

Here's the ironic and humorous point: the world will make up reasons you're there alone. You could have come to see a friend in the band. You could want to see this particular band, this particular night. You might be coming from work ... or in town for a conference ... you could be a writer and reviewer. Could be that your friends are on the way ... or your friends are running late ... or had to leave early ... or that your friends had to cancel. The world will impose on you multiple wonderful reasons you are there by yourself.

 

And some people will even pick up the real reason: you are smart and confident and comfortable going to a place where you can meet people.

 

Brilliant idea!

 

And you got the guts and confidence, it seems, to carry it out.

 

Walk in and sit down like you are queen (approachable queen). Rock it!

[littleblackheart]

Not odd.

 

My experience: social gatherings aren't particularly my thing and dating isn't on my radar but I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone lately so I've been venturing out on my own in the last few months. Those couple of times were just going to see a friend play with his band in the local bar. 10 mins walk, a few familiar faces though I didn't know anyone apart from him, and I obviously couldn't chat to him.

 

Conversations with people came quite naturally (mainly about the music, then a little more personal) and because I felt safe, I was ok. It was a gentle way for me to get used to going out on my own.

 

If you're used to going to that jazz club, that sounds like a good place to experiment. Go for the music rather than to meet someone specifically though, and take it from there.

[rightondude]

whenever I go out alone I always have the fear that when I talk to a woman she's going to wonder why I don't have any friends with me. In fact, I have been asked that before. That's a blow to the gut for sure. I usually make up some story too. The truth is, I have friends, but 99% of them are married and boring, just like i used to be. It's tough getting back out there and establishing a confident, secure identity on your own.

[FMW]

I think it's a great idea. Go for it!

 

I started doing exactly that a few years ago when I was going through a divorce, going out by myself for live music in smaller venues. I'm a "regular" now and I've made a lot of friends and met a lot of men. Smile, be friendly, open and receptive to conversations with both men and women. Enjoy yourself!

[Lorenza]

Not weird at all to go out alone, but I don't think you can meet someone that way unless you're wildly extroverted.

 

IMO if it is to meet people you have much better chance with joining a class or anything where you need to go repeatedly.

 

Otherwise have fun going out alone, nothing wrong with it, and dating yourself is actually one of the best treats one can give themselves I personally love it.

 

I'm not extroverted, but not completely antisocial either. If someone can make that first step there usually isn't any problems from there on. And it has happened that someone does that that step, even if it's not very common for people to talk to strangers here. It has happened at the karaoke or some live gigs. Maybe the jazz club is a good spot as well.

 

Yeah the problem with joining some class is that my work schedule doesn't allow me to. Have checked a lot of things that interest me and they're gonna start up again at the end of August, but nothing suits me timewise

[Lorenza]

whenever I go out alone I always have the fear that when I talk to a woman she's going to wonder why I don't have any friends with me. In fact, I have been asked that before. That's a blow to the gut for sure. I usually make up some story too. The truth is, I have friends, but 99% of them are married and boring, just like i used to be. It's tough getting back out there and establishing a confident, secure identity on your own.

 

Most of my friends are either married or have long term partners and no interest in going out as well. Sounds like a good idea to have some story ready if someone's wondering

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't really have any single friends so I can relate. I have kind of failed at going out at night alone because I end up feeling really uncomfortable and self-conscious. Once a group of women approached me and asked me how come I have no friends and said "how sad". I walked out of there after that.

 

 

Depends on what vibe you give out. If you don't care what people think and look comfortable you may have better luck.

[Lorenza]

I don't really have any single friends so I can relate. I have kind of failed at going out at night alone because I end up feeling really uncomfortable and self-conscious. Once a group of women approached me and asked me how come I have no friends and said "how sad". I walked out of there after that.

 

 

Depends on what vibe you give out. If you don't care what people think and look comfortable you may have better luck.

 

Oh, what a bunch of aholes. That would never happen with the locals here. I think someone might wonder why I'm there on my own but never make a personal comment like that.

I'm quite used to being on my own, use to work as casino dealer at pubs, night clubs and all kinds of venues, a big part of it was just sitting there alone until someone either decided to play or come talk to me (however, my position made it much easier for people to approach me, but it was mainly the wrong kind of people, guys I'd never be interested in)

[Els]

I love going out alone occasionally, despite being in a relationship. There are some things that the SO doesn't enjoy doing, so I'd rather do them alone than drag him along. It is not weird at all.

 

 

I wouldn't do it for the sole aim of meeting men, though. IME, the only guys who approached me in those cases were guys who, errr, suffice to say I wouldn't want to date even if I were single. This might vary depending on location, but guys rarely cold approach here.

 

 

But you should absolutely go to the jazz club alone, for YOU.

[Lorenza]

I love going out alone occasionally, despite being in a relationship. There are some things that the SO doesn't enjoy doing, so I'd rather do them alone than drag him along. It is not weird at all.

 

 

I wouldn't do it for the sole aim of meeting men, though. IME, the only guys who approached me in those cases were guys who, errr, suffice to say I wouldn't want to date even if I were single. This might vary depending on location, but guys rarely cold approach here.

 

 

But you should absolutely go to the jazz club alone, for YOU.

 

I don't have problems with doing things just for me and do them all the time, like going to the movies, thrift shopping, eating out, seeing exhibions etc. My life revolves very little around men, to be honest except going on dates here and there (and even then I don't bother too much). But I need some kind of strategy or I'll never meet anyone, since OLD is disappointing and taking classes isn't possible.

[Els]

I don't have problems with doing things just for me and do them all the time, like going to the movies, thrift shopping, eating out, seeing exhibions etc. My life revolves very little around men, to be honest except going on dates here and there (and even then I don't bother too much). But I need some kind of strategy or I'll never meet anyone, since OLD is disappointing and taking classes isn't possible.

 

 

Well, I guess I don't see any harm in doing this and seeing where it takes you? It probably depends hugely on location, men rarely cold approach where I live, so the ones who DO are usually kind of creepy in other ways. But things might be very different where you live.

 

 

What about real-life hobby meetups, clubs, etc? Lots of people I know met someone at hiking club, or at a board game meetup, etc.

[Lorenza]

Well, I guess I don't see any harm in doing this and seeing where it takes you? It probably depends hugely on location, men rarely cold approach where I live, so the ones who DO are usually kind of creepy in other ways. But things might be very different where you live.

 

 

What about real-life hobby meetups, clubs, etc? Lots of people I know met someone at hiking club, or at a board game meetup, etc.

 

I really don't have the time for those, unfortunately. Was a bit more available now during the summer, but nothing is really happening here in July-August, the whole city is on vacation. I've been to a couple of meetups but no one caught my interest (also mostly women showed up). Things start up again at the end of August, but then I'm back to full-time studies + work, the time when I leave home at 7 am and get back home at 22 pm. It's not easy :/