Going out alone

[Els]

I really don't have the time for those, unfortunately. Was a bit more available now during the summer, but nothing is really happening here in July-August, the whole city is on vacation. I've been to a couple of meetups but no one caught my interest (also mostly women showed up). Things start up again at the end of August, but then I'm back to full-time studies + work, the time when I leave home at 7 am and get back home at 22 pm. It's not easy :/

 

 

I feel you. Might meet guys at school, though?

[Lotsgoingon]

Just had the thought if that if were to approach a woman, I might use a lame line like ... "where are your buddies tonight?"

 

But ... literally I would just be trying to make contact with you ... there would be no presumption that you SHOULD be out with friends. In other words, something I would say to get myself to make contact with you--only! Think about it ... if people really felt there was something "off" about you being out alone, they wouldn't need to say anything to you.

 

So if you hear something like this, I would take it as an ice-breaker ... not some real feeling that you're supposed to be with friends ...

 

Also, some guys might do the dumb, "Boyfriend stayed home tonight?" to figure out if you're dating. But don't let those lines throw you off ...

Edited August 4, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[Haydn]

Good idea,

 

Going out alone for me these days means a trip to the supermarket at 12 am to pick up some `fruit shoot` for the kids school lunches.

 

I sometimes get accosted by the frozen pizza`s by frighteningly older women, asking me, is the meat feast really worth it?

 

As i nervously knock over a display of `Pataks` stir in sauces, in response.

 

I go home a wreck and need comforting and building up again.

 

Seriously though. It`s a great thing to do. Even if you are not looking to find an `Adonis` type bloke, or a girl called Shazza, with a wazzo pair of jugs.

 

No pressure, just you and yourself. If someone takes an interest and that`s what you want, then, happy days!

 

Good luck!

[mortensorchid]

I go out by myself all the time. If you can't find someone else to go with to something you really wanted to go to, you would miss out on it to begin with. If nothing else, you will not miss the event or party that you wanted to go to just because you can't find someone else to go with you. Plus I don't think men would be comfortable (if they were also "cruising" for the same purpose, and if you've never heard that term before, google it) approaching a woman if she was with a group, either same sex or mixed company.

[OatsAndHall]

For me, this just goes with the territory of being single. I don't have any friends that are also single so there are times when I need to get out and enjoy the town a bit. I love playing pool and I can always find someone that wants to shoot a game with me.

 

 

 

And, cold-calling has always worked for me, one way or another so I'll keep doing it. I started doing it way back in college so it's not nerve-wracking for me anymore. I'm not throwing out any weird pickup lines or being creepy; only asking them if I can buy them a drink.

[bene]

Most of my friends are either married or have long term partners and no interest in going out as well. Sounds like a good idea to have some story ready if someone's wondering

 

Actually you don’t really need much of a story. If someone really asks you can just say that you’re here for the music or particular band and your friends are not into this genre. It’s the truth and it sounds completely plausible. A jazz club is probably a safe environment to do that.

 

This way you don’t need to keep up some white lie in case you meet someone. You know, someone who would be all well meaning and later ask about the health of a friend you made up

[brigit87]

Actually you don’t really need much of a story. If someone really asks you can just say that you’re here for the music or particular band and your friends are not into this genre. It’s the truth and it sounds completely plausible. A jazz club is probably a safe environment to do that.

 

 

But that's still a story. She's not going out for the music.

 

Maybe if she was a professional musician someone would believe it but the average woman wouldn't go out alone to a club just cause they like music so much. LOL.

 

Seriously, say "I was suppose to meet my friend here and she texted me and cancelled."

[Shining One]

Maybe if she was a professional musician someone would believe it but the average woman wouldn't go out alone to a club just cause they like music so much.

Why would it be bad to be perceived as "not average"? Personally, I prefer women who stand out from the crowd.

[brigit87]

Why would it be bad to be perceived as "not average"? Personally, I prefer women who stand out from the crowd.

 

It's fine to be not average. But I am trying to help the OP out in her quest.

 

She wants to know if it's weird for a woman to go out alone. Although she got tons of responses saying it isn't weird I'm telling her the truth. It's a little weird.

 

Why?

 

Because the average woman doesn't do it.

 

If she feels comfortable going against the norm then fine. However, if she felt comfortable going against the norm she wouldn't make a thread she'd just go out.

 

 

So, she can go against her comfort zone and go out alone and tell ppl she's there for the music, which is a lie.

 

Or

 

She can go out alone and say "her friend canceled" which is also a lie but one she might feel slightly better saying.

 

Or

 

She can not go out alone and make one of her married friends go.

[stillafool]

I've never had a problem going out alone now that I'm married or when I was single. I enjoyed dressing up and going to a nice restaurant by myself. I've always found when dining alone I've always got the best service and attention from the wait staff. I also love to go to the movies, shopping, traveling, etc., as I enjoy my own company.

[FMW]

I live in a city that is steeped in a great tradition of live music, we have amazing musicians playing every night of the week in numerous locations. I'm not the only woman who goes out on my own to take advantage of this great gift, and there are certainly plenty of men who go out on their own as well.

 

So maybe it depends on where you live, but honestly I don't think most people are going to think there is anything odd about a woman going out by herself to a jazz club. So OP I don't think any of us that are telling you to go for it are steering you wrong

 

You don't have to make up a story either. I doubt most people would actually ask you why you are alone, unless as Lotsgoingon said it was part of the breaking the ice approach.

[Lorenza]

But that's still a story. She's not going out for the music.

 

Maybe if she was a professional musician someone would believe it but the average woman wouldn't go out alone to a club just cause they like music so much. LOL.

 

Seriously, say "I was suppose to meet my friend here and she texted me and cancelled."

 

I'm a musician, lol. Or was before my carrier change last year. Don't understand what an "average woman" even means. Anyone can enjoy jazz, men and women.

[brigit87]

I'm a musician, lol. .

 

Well...there's your story girl.

[Malin889]

I’ve gone out to dinner a couple times alone. I’m a single mom, so when I do get time to myself, it’s usually last minute, so I’ll go out on my own occasionally if my friends aren’t around. I think it’s great! My only recommendation is to not have your face buried in your phone. I’ve noticed sitting at bars how many people just stare at their phone. No smiling, no connections. I wish more people would chat more when they’re on their own.

[alphamale]

I’ve gone out to dinner a couple times alone. I’m a single mom, so when I do get time to myself, it’s usually last minute, so I’ll go out on my own occasionally if my friends aren’t around. I think it’s great! My only recommendation is to not have your face buried in your phone. I’ve noticed sitting at bars how many people just stare at their phone. No smiling, no connections. I wish more people would chat more when they’re on their own.

 

that's great advice Malin889

[Malin889]

that's great advice Malin889

 

Thank you - It comes from experience. I'd much rather see a guy smile at me, or even see a guy watching the game on the TV, then looking at his phone, scrolling at nothing... Or like someone said in an earlier post, bringing a book (or newspaper) is always good and strikes up conversation. But no one will ever say, "what are you looking at on your phone there..." A sports bar is always good because you can usually find guys there. :-) I did recently go to a nice Italian restaurant because I was in the mood for Italian, but then I realized it was all couples. But, I still got a good meal out of it and tried a nice red wine I hadn't had before. :-)

[Lotsgoingon]

By definition, strikingly good-looking people are not "average."

 

By definition, someone who wears beautiful, well-fitting clothes ... not average.

 

A person who has $1 million in the bank. By definition ... not average.

 

Heck, a person with $100,000 in the bank! ... Not average.

 

A person who is physically fit and works out frequently and consistently ... not average.

 

Someone who eats carefully and keeps their weight down from healthy eating ... not average.

 

A guy like a friend of mine who is 5'5" (and extremely handsome)... not average.

 

A guy who is is 6' 5" ... not average.

 

A beautiful ex of mine ... who is 5'10 ... with long sexy legs ... not average.

 

In a social scene, I don't think people care about someone who is doing something unusual or bold ... unless it is dumb or inappropriate.

 

People are not necessarily looking for "average" ... we're all looking for "better" than average.

 

And ... the person who stands out ... without apologizing for it ... is often the one who most quickly captures our attention.

[Dodgersfan11]

Its a hit or miss if you go out alone.

 

Last month, I went out alone to a club, as soon as I went in this guy immediately approached me-he was there by himself because his friends bailed on him. He payed for my cover charge, payed for my drink. We talked, danced and that was it.

 

The other 2 times I went out alone to the club, probably like 2 guys asked me to dance and that was it, just a fun evening dancing. However, last Saturday when I went out alone, it did feel weird, not having someone to talk with, while I was out on the dancefloor, everyone had their own group of friends-I did feel like the oddball, and it felt rather lonely. I'm not the extroverted type. Try to find some meetup group to go with or something, and don't drag a friend to go out-they will end up ruining your night if they don't like that type of music.

[Dodgersfan11]

Ditch the meetup group and go alone...and see how many guys approach you.

[snowboy91]

I'm not sure why there needs to be a story when it's just easier to be honest. You're there on your own because you want to be there, and you haven't been able to convince anyone else to be there with you that night. Whether they are busy or don't like the music is the next step in the conversation.

 

If people think it's weird that you're on your own, then they're not the right people to be around.

[Woggle]

I always went out alone when I was single. I have a lot of friends but there was a lot of stuff within walking distance and I wasn't going to sit in the house alone when nobody else was up for anything. I met my wife when I was out for one of my walks.

[Chris2016]

I always went out alone when I was single. I have a lot of friends but there was a lot of stuff within walking distance and I wasn't going to sit in the house alone when nobody else was up for anything. I met my wife when I was out for one of my walks.

 

Whaaaat? Pleas share more, details. That would never happen to me, and I suspect on average for others too. Though I do think you have to be in the right place and mindset for that to happen, otherwise you miss the boat or turn the other person off (I guess same as missing the boat)

[Woggle]

Whaaaat? Pleas share more, details. That would never happen to me, and I suspect on average for others too. Though I do think you have to be in the right place and mindset for that to happen, otherwise you miss the boat or turn the other person off (I guess same as missing the boat)

 

I was walking on a Jersey Shore boardwalk and we happened to be sitting on the same bench eating ice cream. We made conversation and I asked her if she wanted to go out and she said yes. One thing led to another and here we are married for 12 years.

[alphamale]

I was walking on a Jersey Shore boardwalk and we happened to be sitting on the same bench eating ice cream. We made conversation and I asked her if she wanted to go out and she said yes. One thing led to another and here we are married for 12 years.

 

hahaha that's a good story woggle

[Lorenza]

I went out on my own yesterday, to the jazz bar I've mentioned before. But I didn't get a chance to be alone, maybe the first 20 minutes and then a couples of guys approached and asked if they can share my table (that place has very few tables Hehe). So I ended up talking to them the whole evening. One of them left me his number. But I'm not sure if I'm gonna text him, wasn't really my type. I kinda felt like talking to them made me unavailable for any other attention! And it would have been a bit awkward for me to leave the table and go stand in the crowd, the place is pretty small and it would have been so obvious.