Longest relationship question

[Gretchen12]

Let's say a 60 year old answers the question "What's the longest relationship you've been in?" - I know 2 years is considered too short, and 20 years pretty good. How does the answer tell you if someone is capable of maintaining a long term relationship? (I know long doesn't mean healthy) I'm asking to get an idea what people consider long term.

[Gaeta]

I consider long term 5 years and up.

[Garlend]

I've been in and out of numerous relationships since I turned 22. And none of them lasted two years.

 

However, the last relationship I developed led to the altar. I've been married for twenty-eight years to a wonderful little lady. Although it certainly hasn't all been happy for various reasons, we're both stubborn, and refuse to tell each other that the love is all used up because that would be an outright lie.

 

The strength of relationships aren't proven by the good times, but rather the bad times.

 

In this very strange 'me first' age, I certainly don't envy lonely, overworked young people seeking someone else to share their stressful lives with.

[Mr. Lucky]

I consider long term 5 years and up.

 

With emphasis on the "...and up". If I knew a 60-year old with a history of 5-year relationships, I'd say he was a serial partner rather than a long-termer.

 

At that age, I'd think 20 years would indicate the ability to fully commit to one person...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Gretchen12]

If I knew a 60-year old with a history of 5-year relationships, I'd say he was a serial partner rather than a long-termer.

Mr. Lucky

 

For a 60 year old, there would have been about 40 years for relationships. That's a long time!

 

If the longest was 5 years, I'm not sure which history indicates better relationship skills: Five 5-year relationships with breaks in between, or one 5-year relationship and decades spent single.

[Kirsty91]

I'm 27, my boyfriend is 38 we have a 5y/o daughter together.

Until we met each other the longest relationships we'd ever had was:

me: 14 months 2 days.

him: 4 months 5 days.

[Mr. Lucky]

If the longest was 5 years, I'm not sure which history indicates better relationship skills: Five 5-year relationships with breaks in between, or one 5-year relationship and decades spent single.

 

At least for me, the answer would be "none of the above"...

 

Mr. Lucky

[mortensorchid]

I don't know where I stand on this, in either my case or the cases of others around me.

 

Others : I have seen people get into craziness - They have been with others for a few weeks, a few months, etc. THat's because instantaneous lust wears off, then infatuation wears off. Infatuation can last anywhere from 3-9 months. After that, you're in the relationship portion. Then in the relationship portion, you are together. And then that person is going to hit another biofeedback - they stay together for about a year and a half / two years, then you realize "I am committed" even if you never actually said those words to one another. And … When one party realizes this they either say "okay good for me" or they break it off. And … 90% of the time, they rebound to someone else, barely a year later they marry that person, and 2-7 years later get divorced.

 

Me: As for my personal track record (which involves a lot of those listed above), as an adult, I have had 4 LTRs - 3 lasted in the year and a half / two year length, the 4th was 6 months. Life is complicated. The first and I were together for two years, he did the rebound (now divorced), the second would not commit and lives a life of isolation (long story, he lives in a small town in the east with no people around and will be a lifetime loner but that's his choice), the third was for two years (rebounded to a woman who cleaned him out financially, divorced him three years later, married her lover who became husband #4, and divorced husband #4 barely a year later, since been married twice), the fourth was six months (also rebounded and stayed with a crazy woman for a few years afterward). Not great as you can see, but … It's what it is.

[stillafool]

I've been married for 21 years. Prior to him my relationships lasted from 9 months to 3 years.

[snowboy91]

To answer the question directly, generally I'd say 7-8 years and up.

 

But I wouldn't go judging someone's ability to stay in a relationship just by basing it on the length of previous relationships. There are a myriad of reasons why people leave relationships, not all of them bad. They might have left an abusive relationship, they might have found it hard to find someone compatible with them, the partners were all awful people, the list goes on. I'd respect someone more for exiting relationships that weren't good for them after 5 (or fewer) years than for hanging on in misery for 20+ years.

[Els]

To answer the question in general, I'd say 2 years or more. But specifically for a 60-yo, I would be wary if they hadn't had a relationship of at least a decade. Doesn't mean they're a bad person, they just might not be suited to LTRs.

 

 

There are other factors at hand though, context matters.