ExpatInItaly Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 I suggested maybe going for a drink at some point. She replied 'it's not something I want right now, I'm sorry, I just don't have anything to say'. Which is totally fine; I just wanted your thoughts on why that might be? I've got nothing to give to her but all the love and proudness of sharing a very special few years together Because there is no reason to give an ex love and pride, OP. She doesn't want to give you any false hope either, it seems. Perhaps she has also met someone else and knows that meeting you would not be appropriate. Cherish you special memories, but on your own. It's not something exes generally do together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gingerbaker Posted November 4, 2018 Author Share Posted November 4, 2018 Indeed. Maybe she has; and if you’d said that a couple of months ago I’d have freaked out. I think it says a lot that I’m in a position where it doesn’t matter to me if she has or hasn’t. And also; what you say is important: I’m very proud of the times we had. Those memories will never ever go. They were good times; I’m glad we had them. Link to post Share on other sites
Odettefaith Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 I came to realise it seems like there's many nice men on Loveshack! ? Not being sexist but I always feel most of the time guys are the ones unsure of what they want... My bf just sent me a text saying he's not gonna change his online flirting and if I want I have to just accept it but I think I have to be a little kinder to myself. I hope you will too. Only you can take charge of the situation. I hope God will bless u n I to have the will to stand strong. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 5, 2018 Share Posted November 5, 2018 Indeed. Maybe she has; and if you’d said that a couple of months ago I’d have freaked out. I think it says a lot that I’m in a position where it doesn’t matter to me if she has or hasn’t. And also; what you say is important: I’m very proud of the times we had. Those memories will never ever go. They were good times; I’m glad we had them. She likely is, too. The relationship ended but I am sure she does not regret the time you spent together. When you break up, it's better to let the past remain in the past. Arranging meet-ups with an ex is not generally conducive to really moving on because it tends to stir up renewed longing and painful feelings of rejection for the dumpee. It's best that she declined your invitation. Now you can really focus on opening a new chapter for yourself rather than trying to take a peak back on one that is closed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gingerbaker Posted November 13, 2018 Author Share Posted November 13, 2018 It probably is best that we don't meet for a while; no contact is what she wants and I'll respect that. Feeling different about her lately, not desperate to get her back, but fundamentally worried about her. I get the impression there's a lot going on with her, and not good stuff. Know it's not healthy to worry about her, if she wants help she can reach out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gingerbaker Posted November 24, 2018 Author Share Posted November 24, 2018 So; an update. You can read back through the thread and see where I was all those months ago. Sad; desperate, lonely, angry; confused etc. But; the last couple of weeks have been amazing for me. Finally feel like I’ve got me back; the one that’s been hurt and been through an awful time - but - I’m back. I’m no longer defined by the breakup. I still think of her of course; but I don’t think of her in the way I did. She’s lovely; she’s gorgeous, she’s her; but she’s not the obsession I had for all those months. We’ve had a limited amount of contact this week, she’s got some super exciting stuff going on in her life and I’m totally thrilled for her. And the manner of the contact has been so different to before. Neutrally affectionate is the best way I can describe it. Link to post Share on other sites
deadinside11 Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 Gingerbaker, I've gone through all the conversation and I am happy for how you are making progress. I have quite similar experience. Me and my ex broke up 2 months ago and I made all the mistakes as you did. I have the same 'fixer mindset' and struggled quite hard to make her understand and convince her back into the relationship. I even asked her yesterday hoping there might be a chance, and explained how I can fix on what went wrong. But she bluntly said we are done and she doesn't want to re-live the past. I am also struggling to move one, it is tough and it's tearing me apart. I am getting strong one day and the next day I'm getting weak on my knees again. But I believe that's how we progress. I am really happy to see how you're taking control over yourself. I hope I will get there too, soon. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
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