HELP!What do you do when emotions get involved unintentionally?

[mike]

Hi, everyone. Recently, I met a wonderful young woman. She is intelligent, independent, and beautiful. So, I was happy when she showed some interest in me. In an effort to make this as short as possible, let me just tell everyone what happened. Basically, I think that she just came to me because she was interested in sleeping with me. I don't think she wanted a relationship of any kind. I think she is just the kind of girl who likes to "have fun" with different guys without making any type of commitment. I knew this ahead of time, so I backed down from the many propositions that she made to me. But, I think this time something happened that she wasn't expecting. I think that basically all she wanted from me in the beginning was sex, but then she started having some genuine feelings for me. I think she realized that she liked more about me than just my body. But, now I don't know what to do. I like everything about her and I do want a relationship with her. But, I have so many doubts. It seems like this girl who was just looking for a "good time" realized that I wasn't like most guys and that I really do care about her but that I wasn't going to sleep with her. At first, I thought that she wouldn't want anything else to do with me after she learned that I wasn't going to sleep with her. But, when I stopped calling her, then she seemed to get upset. When she would see me, she would ask "why haven't you called me?" But, this is the BIG problem-- how can I be sure that this time she is interested in me and not just having sex with me? I really think that she does truly care about me now, but I guess there is no way to be sure. I am just really confused. Does anyone have any advice? This girl just really seems to like sex and wanted it with me. But, I told her that I wanted to wait until I was married. But yet, she is still around. But, I don't know if it is because she really cares about me as a possible relationship or if she just likes the attention and respect that I gave to her. What can I do? I need all the input I can get. Also, sometimes I think that maybe she knows that I really do care about her and she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings and make herself look bad by saying "I know that you care about me, but I just wanted sex... so see you later." I think she doesn't want to say that because it would make her look like a total slut and would really hurt the guy that gave her a great deal of time, attention, and respect. But, then again I start to think that maybe she does really care. You see, everybody? This is soooo confusing to me and I don't know what to do!!! Help!!!

[CMW]

Mike, Two things come to mind right away.

 

First, you say that you want to wait until marriage. That's great. That is what sex was meant for. You deserve someone who is as sincere as you are. I'm curious as to what you can fall back on for strength to maintain your desire for abstinence.

 

Second, it sounds to me like you need to go VERY SLOW if you want to pursue a relationship with this woman. Let the freindship develop SLOWLY. If she is really serious, and is also willing to wait, great. However, if she is not sincere, time will reveal this to you. And the last thing you would want to do is get so emotionally involved only to have her run off with the next good looking guy that is willing to give her what you think she wants.

 

However, perhaps she is more confused than you. Maybe she thinks, as I once did, that unless you give your body to a man, he will not want you. You threw her a curveball if that is the case. How old is this young woman? Feel free to email me anytime if you like.

Hi, everyone. Recently, I met a wonderful young woman. She is intelligent, independent, and beautiful. So, I was happy when she showed some interest in me. In an effort to make this as short as possible, let me just tell everyone what happened. Basically, I think that she just came to me because she was interested in sleeping with me. I don't think she wanted a relationship of any kind. I think she is just the kind of girl who likes to "have fun" with different guys without making any type of commitment. I knew this ahead of time, so I backed down from the many propositions that she made to me. But, I think this time something happened that she wasn't expecting. I think that basically all she wanted from me in the beginning was sex, but then she started having some genuine feelings for me. I think she realized that she liked more about me than just my body. But, now I don't know what to do. I like everything about her and I do want a relationship with her. But, I have so many doubts. It seems like this girl who was just looking for a "good time" realized that I wasn't like most guys and that I really do care about her but that I wasn't going to sleep with her. At first, I thought that she wouldn't want anything else to do with me after she learned that I wasn't going to sleep with her. But, when I stopped calling her, then she seemed to get upset. When she would see me, she would ask "why haven't you called me?" But, this is the BIG problem-- how can I be sure that this time she is interested in me and not just having sex with me? I really think that she does truly care about me now, but I guess there is no way to be sure. I am just really confused. Does anyone have any advice? This girl just really seems to like sex and wanted it with me. But, I told her that I wanted to wait until I was married. But yet, she is still around. But, I don't know if it is because she really cares about me as a possible relationship or if she just likes the attention and respect that I gave to her. What can I do? I need all the input I can get. Also, sometimes I think that maybe she knows that I really do care about her and she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings and make herself look bad by saying "I know that you care about me, but I just wanted sex... so see you later." I think she doesn't want to say that because it would make her look like a total slut and would really hurt the guy that gave her a great deal of time, attention, and respect. But, then again I start to think that maybe she does really care. You see, everybody? This is soooo confusing to me and I don't know what to do!!! Help!!!