Think Tanking Dating

[Mysterio]

So Think Tanking Dating. What do you see from your views of your family/friends and yourself, interms of what works and what does not.

 

Cold approach does not work, I guess 95% of the time.

It feels like if a woman likes you. She sees you as semi aloof and not trying to be with her, is a turn on for her if she likes you that way.

 

If your focused and you ask out a woman, rarely are they gung ho about it.

 

On the Womans side. I am going to say it. Women get the leg up when it comes to looks. Just the initial reason we ask out women, looks and a bit of warmth. So all a woman has to do is keep up with her looks and most likely she will be asked out/have to come off as a bit warm.

 

Those are just some random thoughts.

[ZA Dater]

I think while you have a point there is a lot more to it than that. When you think about it there is no real universal formula for success. Sure, there are things which can make you more appealing but they may work some of the time not all of the time.

 

 

Looks I think are a double edged sword for ladies because while looks help attract people they don't always attract the right people for the right reasons. I think a lot of success is really derived by having good social skills, a wide network of friends and an ability to have some charm/humour at the right time.

 

 

Sadly I do think its a game where you can build on success but its hard to build on failure. There is so much to it in terms of analysing why it does work, perhaps some people don't have the skills for it, perhaps some people have never had good relationship examples.

 

 

If you strip all of it down the ingredients are fairly tangible but they are difficult to acquire if you don't have some on which to build. I firmly believe your ability to make friends has a direct correlation on your ability to date.

[guest569]

Think Tanks are a great place to hook up!

[Normm]

Confidence sells.

[basil67]

So Think Tanking Dating. What do you see from your views of your family/friends and yourself, interms of what works and what does not.

 

Cold approach does not work, I guess 95% of the time.

It feels like if a woman likes you. She sees you as semi aloof and not trying to be with her, is a turn on for her if she likes you that way.

 

If your focused and you ask out a woman, rarely are they gung ho about it.

 

On the Womans side. I am going to say it. Women get the leg up when it comes to looks. Just the initial reason we ask out women, looks and a bit of warmth. So all a woman has to do is keep up with her looks and most likely she will be asked out/have to come off as a bit warm.

 

Those are just some random thoughts.

 

I would agree that cold approach is a tough gig. If I see a guy as semi aloof, I'll assume he's not interested and move on.

 

When dating, the thing which would catch me would be establishing a rapport before asking me out. And you will at least have to pretend that you're interested in my mind rather than my looks.

[basil67]

Out of all the advice I used, what I found worked the most was aloofness. Too many guys are out there desperately chasing some girl, and that approach just does not work. Women, in general, just do not wanna hook up with some desperate dude. So, if you are doing that, just stop. It looks sad AF.

 

Do you think there's a middle area between aloof and desperate? Because neither of these would work for me. I'd be most attracted to 'friendly'

[anduina]

Do you think there's a middle area between aloof and desperate? Because neither of these would work for me. I'd be most attracted to 'friendly'

Can't stand aloof guys. It's an instant turn-off.

[basil67]

Friendly is aloof to me, at least when it comes to "pursuing" a woman. I usually suggest to guys that they be about as friendly towards a woman they are trying to get with as they would be any other person they run into. At least, that's how I do it, but I tend to act friendly towards everyone. The biggest problem a lot of struggling guys out there have is that they are just too smitten by whatever girl they are after. They act like they are in awe of her or something.

 

For example, if I met you at work or something, I wouldn't hit on you, or openly go out of my way to spend time with you. I'd be friendly but play it cool. Then, just sort of be myself and see if you seem interested. If you aren't interested, no big deal. Women who are interested usually make things obvious, so then I could escalate things, but even then only seem friendly in my approach. Maybe a suggestion to get lunch at a new place that just opened up or I might even ask for help with something work-related or offer help if I notice you struggling with something. Again, without actually asking you out on a date. I will instead ask if you want a beer one day, and the next thing you know, we are both laying in bed together

 

Basically what all that means is, the constant compliments, asking women out on an actual date, and treating women like some higher life form simply do not work, at least they never did for me.

 

Ah yes, this is exactly what would work for me. Be friendly but not fawning or desperate.

[Chris2016]

I don't think anything works for me, whether I care or don't care; in school or not; looking or not; being aloof or not.

 

Though, when I'm aloof and don't care, things rub off my back better. I like that state of mind. I like the I don't give a F attitude.

 

When I do care, things seem to stick and I don't like that.

 

How do I do aloof while looking? Cause when you're looking, you're going to care.

[Woggle]

Just be you and stay that way. People respond well to authenticity and something that they know is true. Don't try and bend to what you think society wants because you can't keep up a front forever and what society wants changed very frequently.

 

My best success with women came when I just didn't care anymore and felt like I had nothing left to lose so I dropped all the pretense and the need to impress and put my true self out there. In fact it let to success in many areas of life. Stop twisting yourself into a pretzel to impress anybody and just live your life.

[Chilli]

l never understand any of this crap whenever l see the analyzing.

Aloof just sounds like games and l hate effg games and so would any woman l'd be interested in. Matter of fact much bar being yourself all just sounds like more games to me.

 

Back in younger days teens early 20s chatting up chicks any time l tried being anything but myself l usually at the very least came across a bit weird and at worst made a fool of myself ,

Ahh the days. not.

 

l suppose if there was ever a common denominater for me it'd just be girls always told me l'm easy and fun to talk to. And l suppose l am , and open, but if l like someone that's just my nature so again it's just back to just being yourself anyway

Edited August 7, 2018 by Chilli

[guest569]

Aloof = cold and unfriendly. No thanks.

 

Friendly but not too friendly is fine. Once you start dating, you can be more interested since you actually know the person. I like when a guy shows interest and chases me. But not before we are acquainted, that is just creepy.

[Mysterio]

I am myself all the time. I don' try to be anything else. I don't mack chicks or anything like that at. I don't cat call. I am out and sociable.

 

I don't get the being aloof thing. I see a woman. I am attracted to her look. I interact with her and gage how she is to me. The warmer she is to me. The more I would be inclined to ask her out.

 

I guess there is no major formula, except I still see this from observation. The more a man comes off as no so gung ho to go out with the woman. The more she tends to like him. The more straight laced and open he is towards the woman. The more she will put up blocks.

 

I just don't get it in my head. Its almost like you can think about a woman romantically as a man. Just don't really act on it. I look at my friends and this is what I see. I will just list a couple.

 

MK/JC. JC was looking to settle down. MK is a Chiropracter and he was dating a woman, when they met. He just saw JK as a patient and had no romantic inclining towards her at all. Its after he broke up with the woman he was dating and MK/JC went to a social that he noticed JC as a romantic prospect.

 

MO/MM. Worked together as a Catalog store. They were both pushed together at a social because, the women did not want Mm with a guy that was hitting on her, who was a friend of MO's.

 

SA/JB. Met in High school. Dated/went out from 1988 to 1997. Got married in 1997 and had 3 kids. They now are divorcing. To me SA is very restless and wants a lot of sex. JB is more chill and not into that. So she can't keep up, or needs a calmer guy. So unless something brings them back together. They are done at age 47/46.

 

So from what I see. It feel like most people stumble into love. There is no methodical thought process. There is no triggers. Love stumbles in and out of our lives. We all have to roll with the punches. Other things in our lives are cut and dry.

[CrazyKatLady]

Too much stereotyping. Let judgements go and just feel sometimes.

Trust. In something bigger than you, or other than you. Get some perspective-in this universe we are like the tiny grains of sand you find at the beach-we are small in a place so large-feel that energy. And if there is a beautiful place for the sand to exist, then surely you too can experience some of that beauty to-at the very least! Look to fill your life with beautiful things, inside and out and maybe you will acknowledge your own beautiful existence and everyone else's too!

[Mysterio]

Whats too friendly vs Aloof.

 

Aloof means a mix of hot and cold. Cold won't get me into a woman at all.

 

Friendly means will make small talk.

 

I try to be warm and friendly.

[Woggle]

The best thing is not to play games. Just be you and let the chips fall where they fall. It has worked for me.

[Mysterio]

My female friend JC just wrapped up a 1 yr relationship with a guy that I would say was aloof. I think the only reason it worked out for him, in the sense that she was so into him, is because he was aloof most of the time.

 

When I think about it. Most women are like that for the most part. All my male friends that have no problems with women, have that aloof side to them.

 

When I get attention its always when I am more on the chill side of things. That is what I keep coming to. Its just that my personality is not aloof in nature. I want to express myself right and not have everything so cold. I don't say to a woman that I am attracted to, that I love her and want to have sex with her. I just ask out and let it come out. Kind of like playing music and letting it all jam out.

[guest569]

Whats too friendly vs Aloof.

 

Aloof means a mix of hot and cold. Cold won't get me into a woman at all.

 

Friendly means will make small talk.

 

I try to be warm and friendly.

 

Aloof is not hot and cold. Aloof is cold, distant, unfriendly.

[Mysterio]

Aloof is not hot and cold. Aloof is cold, distant, unfriendly.

 

Ok thanks for the correction Smiley

[GemmaUK]

Once Enigma explained his take on aloof I agreed.

That's how I am too.

 

Friendly, not desperate.

 

See how or if things progress.

If you like 'em enough, take a risk and say so.

 

Always works for me!

 

I'm currently dating a guy but he's not quite my type I don't think.

Too clingy for me, he needs hobbies or something else to occupy him and for it not to be just me that makes him happy.

Hmm..it needs knocking on the head to be honest.

I am supposed to see him tomorrow - I don't feel excited about that.

Will sort it tonight.

[preraph]

I had a relationship end when I was 20 years old, and I went through a serious dating drought at the time where I just couldn't seem to get a decent date to save my life. So, I researched dating and relationship tips. I hung out with a cousin of mine that is a bit of a ladies man and saw how he managed to pull it off. I read articles and books on how to attract women. I started closely observing the behaviors of women to see what sort of guys they would go for. Luckily, I was able to turn things around for myself after a while.

 

Out of all the advice I used, what I found worked the most was aloofness. Too many guys are out there desperately chasing some girl, and that approach just does not work. Women, in general, just do not wanna hook up with some desperate dude. So, if you are doing that, just stop. It looks sad AF.

 

I definitely liked aloof, and I also liked gregarious, but focused, desperate, no.

[preraph]

Friendly is aloof to me, at least when it comes to "pursuing" a woman. I usually suggest to guys that they be about as friendly towards a woman they are trying to get with as they would be any other person they run into. At least, that's how I do it, but I tend to act friendly towards everyone. The biggest problem a lot of struggling guys out there have is that they are just too smitten by whatever girl they are after. They act like they are in awe of her or something.

 

For example, if I met you at work or something, I wouldn't hit on you, or openly go out of my way to spend time with you. I'd be friendly but play it cool. Then, just sort of be myself and see if you seem interested. If you aren't interested, no big deal. Women who are interested usually make things obvious, so then I could escalate things, but even then only seem friendly in my approach. Maybe a suggestion to get lunch at a new place that just opened up or I might even ask for help with something work-related or offer help if I notice you struggling with something. Again, without actually asking you out on a date. I will instead ask if you want a beer one day, and the next thing you know, we are both laying in bed together

 

Basically what all that means is, the constant compliments, asking women out on an actual date, and treating women like some higher life form simply do not work, at least they never did for me.

 

 

That's basically the same approach I took to men, esp. middle paragraph.

[preraph]

I don't look good enough to rely on my looks to get me a date. Since I really, really love you ladies, I also cannot accept a reality where I can't get a date. So, I just work extra hard to make sure that doesn't happen.

 

I also don't really like women who openly try too hard either. It's just not attractive.

 

You give such good advice. And you're speaking from experience. I don't think anyone likes someone who comes on too strong, male or female, you're right. It just comes off mentally imbalanced? And why? Because there's no good reason to get that worked up and eager beaver over someone you haven't even gotten to know yet. I had a guy tell me one time when I was mooning over someone but out at a bar that he was kind of interested but that he could tell by looking at me that I was going to fall in love with the next guy I met. Very astute! Hungry! I wasn't flirting with him, though, not at all. He came up to me out of the blue. But he was right I was struggling with a bad new crush on someone just then.

[guest569]

I sometimes get a 'not interested' vibe from men that I am not interested in either. Just said hello. But I get this major 'nope sorry not interested, back off' vibe. I am NOT flirty in the slightest. It is super clear. But now I wonder if they are being 'aloof' to get my attention.

[Mysterio]

This is how I am. I may have stated this before, but this is how I am for the most part.

 

I see a woman. I find her looks attractive. I engage that woman in conversation. When I do. I am trying to find out her status in a understated way. The more warm and batting back to me conversation towards me. The more I am inclined to ask her out. The less she is that way towards me and is aloof. The less I am inclined to ask her out.

 

I am more the type to say something like. What do you think about this or that, than trying to make some stupid sexual joke. I may flirt, but it depends on the vibe. I don't touch or try to hug or do anything like that, unless I am on a date and its a light hug/handshake.

 

In my head, I think I am easy going. No demands or anything like that. By the way. I am well dressed and groomed at all times.

 

I think that most of us are going to have to stumble into Love. No matter how much some of us try to outsmart us. The Universe has other plans for us.

 

When I look at all my GF's in the past and Short term relationships. None of them sprouted from when I was trying to date a specific woman. Its like society says to go out there and ask anyone out. Here is the thing. Unless its online dating, or your in highschool. You never know who is attached or not. Thats what I don't like about modern dating. In my neck of the woods. The women seem to be very hesistant about just going out and dating.

 

I am not socially awkward and I don't think I give off strange vibes. I look younger than most people my age. I got pegged at 27 a month ago. I am a 47 Canadian Black man, so I don't know if its my skin tone, but anyways. Once again. I think that a lot of us have to stumble into love.