On the other side.

[vla1120]

Well today hit an all time low. No contact has been broke unfortunately. I just don’t get it. She’s texting me crap like she wants to go out to dinner and today I asked her if she could do me a favor. It was something involving my daughter and she asked if I wanted to have sex. I ignored it and when I dropped off my daughter she texted me, how come we didn’t hook up. It’s literally mental terrorism seeing as how I can’t seem to let go of a marriage that is over. But she didn’t seem to care to let me know about her multiple friends that are guys. But then in the next breath tells me how she was up crying all night. How do I let go and move on.

 

You mentioned yourself that this was mental (or emotional?) terrorism. She is pulling out all the stops, trying to get you to pull the plug on the divorce before it becomes final. I did not read your back story, but I suspect she destroyed the marriage (and you) by cheating on you. Try to remember how you felt that moment you found out about the betrayal. That will probably be enough to put things in perspective for you. At this moment, this close to the gavel, you also may be panicking about the finality and wondering if there is a chance to reconcile. Only you know the answer to that. Just make sure you are looking at the situation with unfiltered glasses and logically. I suspect if you really think about it, you can determine her true intentions and whether she is someone you can ever trust again. If not, try to stay true to the NC rule and build a good life for you and your daughter. Stay strong!

[Filly4thirteen]

Is what I’m going through normal? How it’s taking every ounce of me to tell her I want to come over and spend time with her or for her to just stay over when she picks up my daughter. She told me the other night out of no where she wants me to hold her and pretend everything is okay. I want to tell her to just leave m e alone but instead I ignore her. I’m not ready to tell her to eff off because I’m not truly ready to let go 100%. I’m scared. I’m afraid of being alone, I’m afraid of living the rest of my life without her. It’s sick I know. I’m most afraid of her being much happier without me. It literally destroyed my self confidence. I hope I get out of this soon. Thank you all for your replies and the time you have taken to listen.

[Marc878]

NC is your only good path. You will just get to start over from scratch with contact.

 

Its not the end of the world and you'll do just fine. It's an adjustment that only time and nc can fix.

 

You'll be fine.

 

If she was real happy why would she be bugging you?

[OatsAndHall]

Is what I’m going through normal? How it’s taking every ounce of me to tell her I want to come over and spend time with her or for her to just stay over when she picks up my daughter. She told me the other night out of no where she wants me to hold her and pretend everything is okay. I want to tell her to just leave m e alone but instead I ignore her. I’m not ready to tell her to eff off because I’m not truly ready to let go 100%. I’m scared. I’m afraid of being alone, I’m afraid of living the rest of my life without her. It’s sick I know. I’m most afraid of her being much happier without me. It literally destroyed my self confidence. I hope I get out of this soon. Thank you all for your replies and the time you have taken to listen.

 

 

It's completely normal, my friend. You've spent a significant portion of your life with someone and it's completely natural to miss them when things fall apart. I missed my ex-wife terribly when we separated and there were times when I did want to reconcile. But, I have a friend who went through a divorce due to infidelity and he gave me a great piece of advice:

 

 

 

"I'm not going to give you advise on whether or not to divorce her, Oats. But, whatever you chose, just make sure things don't become cyclical."

 

 

That stuck with me throughout the separation and I kept it in the forefront of my mind whenever her and I talked about reconciliation. Every single time, something she said or did told me that we were going to end up right back in the same mess if we got back together.

 

 

 

Maybe that same piece of advice will work for you in this situation. It's easy to remember the good times when you're depressed and lonely and lose sight of why you're split in the first place.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Filly, any updates? Would be happy to hear from you. Hope things are going well with you.

[Filly4thirteen]

Hey guys! Just posting an update. I wish I would have listened and stayed no contact but I didn’t. I was out of town on business for a few days and we were texting back and forth quite a bit. Needless to say it was pointless because now I’m just confused. I keep telling myself she cheated and I deserve better but I keep wondering what if. What if I was more attentive and caring for her emotionally rather then working so much and I caught myself looking like a push over and sounding whiny. It’s just so difficult because I went from anger and acceptance to back to bargaining. But tomorrow is the big day that we sin the decree so maybe the thought of this has caused me to become weak again. Idk. To be honest I just want my family back. I’m lonely and scarred. I was doing so well there for a couple weeks. Ugh this sucks!

[2.50 a gallon]

four13

 

 

Trust me, you will find love again.

Divorce. BTDT.

I swore I would never be weak and let myself fall in love again. I am a rock, I am an island!

One of the things I did was to teach myself how to cook some gourmet meals. Triple win. 1: They took longer to cook which gave me, 2 less time to think and 3 it would be a skill that would prove to be useful when I got back into the dating game. It definitely was one of the reasons my sex life went from near zero to off the charts.

Then one night I met this blonde, 5' 8" to my 5' 6", I love long legs, mine 30, hers over 36, an about to be grandma that still had an hour glass figure and a flat stomach. My first thought that night was now there is a face I could kiss good morning to for the rest of my life. Totally out of my league, but what the Hay, I know she will shot me down, but I can at least try.

They say love is a choice. Second date, first kiss, it was too late.

23 years later she is taking a nap on our couch

I Googled my ex-W a few years back. Boy did I get lucky, the last 30 years have not been kind to her. She is easily pushing the double century on the scales. Think Harry Potter's aunt that he turned into a ballon

While I have this beautiful woman, great figure, sleeping on our couch and totally in love with me.

Edited August 27, 2018 by 2.50 a gallon

[Filly4thirteen]

Hey all. Just wanted to give an update, the decree was signed today and it’s officially over. She had no representation and the judge kind of seemed like he was irritated with me like she was being taken advantage of. She answered yes to everything and we are on our way. Not ten minutes after it was over she texted me that her heart is broken and she’s sad. Not gonna lie, I’m a mess, but what’s done is done and there is no looking back. Thanks guys for all your insight. I hope to be giving updates of joy and prosperity here shortly.

[Marc878]

Hey all. Just wanted to give an update, the decree was signed today and it’s officially over. She had no representation and the judge kind of seemed like he was irritated with me like she was being taken advantage of. She answered yes to everything and we are on our way. Not ten minutes after it was over she texted me that her heart is broken and she’s sad. Not gonna lie, I’m a mess, but what’s done is done and there is no looking back. Thanks guys for all your insight. I hope to be giving updates of joy and prosperity here shortly.

 

She gave you your answer. Whether you accept that fact is up to you.

 

You can keep yourself tied up in this or move forward