Partner in contact with ex despite my requests

[Marc878]

No logic at all. You know better but you'll jump in anyway.

 

What happens with this train wreck is on you.

[darkmoon]

a widow with 2 kids? so who pays for what? are you the provider for the 3?

[PeaceAndLove1]

a widow with 2 kids? so who pays for what? are you the provider for the 3?

 

Widow pays for herself and children in full.

[PeaceAndLove1]

I cut all ties but something rather drastic came to my mind.

 

When I finally rang her after a week of total silence since she communicated she is pregnant she couldn't talk on the phone because she was just walking into a cinema with some guy so she said she will ring me later. I got puzzled how it is possible she meets another guy while pregnant with me (she really was, saw scan and doctors app letter) and while being left on her own she doesnt even make a priority to talk about resolving the problem. But instead the cinema and guy who drive few tens of kilometers to her is more important in that moment - she felt bad disappointing him.

This is how crazy the woman is.

[d0nnivain]

What to do with it? I made a list of everything I d need from her like truth, communication, cooking etc. And she is up for absolutely everything.

Advice?

 

My advice RUN! It was so incredibly sweet for you to be there in her time of need but no matter what she says you have to remember she is incapable of routinely telling you the truth.

 

In your last post, just days after you helped her through a major traumatic event, she's out at the movies with another guy. What?!!

 

She's lying through her teeth about being willing to do what you need. She is not going to change. Cut her out of your life if you want any peace & sanity.

[The Outlaw]

She isn't worth it. Anyone that's willing to cheat with someone that is married is the absolute worst. Even if you did somehow build a more solid relationship with her, you wouldn't be able to trust her. She'd only cheat on you. Tell her to hit the road. No more lies, no more bullsh*t.

[Marc878]

When I finally rang her after a week of total silence since she communicated she is pregnant she couldn't talk on the phone because she was just walking into a cinema with some guy so she said she will ring me later. I got puzzled how it is possible she meets another guy while pregnant with me (she really was, saw scan and doctors app letter) and while being left on her own she doesnt even make a priority to talk about resolving the problem. But instead the cinema and guy who drive few tens of kilometers to her is more important in that moment - she felt bad disappointing him.

This is how crazy the woman is.

 

You just keep going back for more don't you.

 

You don't know git sure who got her pregnant. Plus you only know the "tip of this iceberg".

 

You can't let it go nor stay no contact so guess what. You're gonna learn the hard way.

 

She probably has more sex buddies than you can imagine.

 

Advice does you no good because you're letting your dick overrule your brain

[47Knucklehead]

If she's crazy, and you keep going back for more, what does that make you?

 

 

Albert Einstein said "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." You keep going back and going back for more helpings of pain and disappointment, expecting the next time you go back to be different.

 

 

She's not the one with the problem. You are the one with the problem.

[john9999]

I am (M40) a bit confused on what is happening with my partner (F40) and would like for some external view on my story. Any clarity would be much appreciated.

 

We met in Jul 2017. In around Sep 2017 in loose conversation I asked her who are her friends, she never mentions anybody who would be very close to her. She said she has a male friend, it is one of persons she had friend with benefits relationship in the past (guy is married, 3 years of affair with her before she met me). I told her if she wants to go forward with me to cut off ALL that type people of her life if she would like to be exclusive with me. She strongly agreed and made clear she wouldn't like me to have similar acquaintances.

 

In May 2017 when I discovered 15 naked selfies on her phone taken while she was on business trip (and I didn't get any of these), she said they were for me but she was too shy to send them. While me "investigating" she admitted she is still in contact with that man, but she had to remain in contact with him since it is one of her business partners (lives in distant location). I said then that she damages my trust and if this contact is a must I require some type of report from this contact - when, what about, what was said etc. Otherwise I won't be able to remain close with her. I asked what is his name - she refused to share. I said it doesn't look good to me and I am ready to broke off from her, she said it is the last time she lies and begged me to stay promising it is the last time she lied.

 

2 weeks ago she came back from work telling me some parts of her day, I sensed something odd and peeked into her mobile. There was a 7 minutes conversation with this man. I did a bit of questioning around it "You would tell me if you were still close with that guy would you?" - of course, I promised you that. Then next day I asked "Are you sure you are not in contact?" - she said she only spoke with him through her employee, as he knows at this point she doesn't want direct contact. Then I said "You are lying to me, I looked at your phone yesterday...". She asked if I am sure if this is the very Peter. Then she said that his office rang her from his mobile, and then she said few hours later that yes, she rang his number but by mistake as she wanted to talk to another Peter in his office.

 

I moved our of her on Thu, after a week of crying conversation and her begging me on her knees and kissing my hands. She was saying she doesn't know why she lied and this is the very last time she asks me to forgive her. She says she didn't terminate contact with him as she felt I am limiting her freedom, but finally it was happening over time. That this call doesn't mean anything to her. She asked me to rethink while I am gone as she really loves me and I am the man of her life (she was widowed 3 years ago, 2 kids).

 

Very strange all together, my gut feeling tells me something is not right. I love her madly, but I wouldn't like to hurt her based on my idea of what could have been happening rather than on what happened which she doesn't really seem to understand.

 

Please help get some clarity on it. I am heart broken and confused at the same time.

I have been away for a week now but love this woman so much.

I had this exact same problem with two different women! Even though I would tell them that it hurt me and that this was a make or break issue they never stopped the text and sex pics to their exes. What you have to realize, which I finally realized, is that they saw nothing wrong with it so they saw no need to change. Your woman here sees nothing wrong with it so she will never change it. And the fact that it hurts your feelings is not enough to change.

[Inspire]

Are you seeing pink flags? We all know a red flag is blatantly obvious, but once emotions get involved many things that would otherwise be obvious are not.

 

Regarding the selfies, had she ever sent you naked photos before or since finding those? It strikes me as rather odd that someone who is practically a "nympho" (as you described her) is shy about sending some naked photos to someone she is dating.