Kirsty91 Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 Hi, how to start this. I'm 27, been with my boyfriend for 6 years, we have a lovely 5y/o daughter together, she was unplanned as we were both just drunk one evening and had no condoms at the time - don't worry though its not as bad as it sounds! luckily we actually ended up falling in love and he really wanted me to keep the baby rather than abortion. He is 38 so he was 32 back then. We're both atheists so we have no religion and marriage isn't important to us hence why we're not married, but I'd still love to get married if he ever pops the question which would be a big huge massive yes! I was speaking with my mum the other day, she's retired now and mentioned how she wished she could have had more children (she had 2 daughters) as she loved the feeling of being pregnant and has always loved looking after children more than anything. I'm finding the older I get the more I really want to get pregnant again, like I really really want to experience it again, I really love babies, though my sisters eldest son was a bit of a nightmare as a baby but my daughter is basically perfect. My boyfriend doesn't feel ready for another baby yet, I think he loves being financially very comfortable, I'm sure we could easily afford to have another baby, maybe two. A part of me wants to "accidentally" (deliberately) get knocked up. As was probably the case with my sisters youngest unplanned child. I'm not a career type of woman by the way. Suppose I'm old fashioned, my mum has always been my hero and idol, I know how hard she worked to keep the family together at times. What are peoples views on this forum? and can anyone relate? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 Don't have a 2nd "accidental" pregnancy & don't trick your baby daddy into a 2nd kid. That is just wrong. Keep talking to him & get on the same page. If he really doesn't want more kids, end things with him & go get artificially inseminated assuming you can afford 2 kids on your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kirsty91 Posted August 5, 2018 Author Share Posted August 5, 2018 & go get artificially inseminated Just... no way I'd ever do something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 Just... no way I'd ever do something like that. But you'd consider this? A part of me wants to "accidentally" (deliberately) get knocked up. Kirsty91, I'd guess you haven't made it a secret you're open to marriage. The fact that, six year and a child later, your BF isn't indicates you don't see the relationship the same way. Really bad idea to bring another "accidental" child, unwanted by him, into the mix... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kirsty91 Posted August 5, 2018 Author Share Posted August 5, 2018 But you'd consider this? Kirsty91, I'd guess you haven't made it a secret you're open to marriage. The fact that, six year and a child later, your BF isn't indicates you don't see the relationship the same way. Really bad idea to bring another "accidental" child, unwanted by him, into the mix... Mr. Lucky Hence why I said "a part of me" ie so I wouldn't do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 you've got around 15 more years so squirt out more puppies. sleep on it for a few years. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 I'm not a career type of woman by the way. Suppose I'm old fashioned, my mum has always been my hero and idol, I know how hard she worked to keep the family together at times. If you are that old fashioned, are you sure this is the right relationship for you? Your boyfriend seems to not want the things that you want (marriage, and additional kids). You also need to consider what the laws of your land are - if de facto or common law relationships are a recognized relationship status where you live, then it's possible that marriage is truly irrelevant, but otherwise you have NO protection if you were to be an "old fashioned" woman and stay at home with the kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 If you are not very religious why do you want to get married? Definitely don't trick him with another baby. That would be a horrible thing to do. It sounds like you want to have more kids and stay home and not work outside of the home. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 You are not old fashion or religious so why a marriage? If you were old fashion you wouldn't be in an sexually open relationship. Who's gonna pay for the 2nd child? Sounds like your child being 5 will head to full time school in fall and you're looking for another baby to keep you home not working maybe? . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 If you were old fashion you wouldn't be in an sexually open relationship. Huh? Where did this come from? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Huh? Where did this come from? Mr. Lucky Look up her previous thread. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Just... no way I'd ever do something like that. Why not? Going through IVF would achieve your stated goal: experiencing pregnancy again & having another child. If that is not your goal, what is? It sounds like you want another child as a means to force somebody else to support you. If that is what you want or even part of what you want, your idea for a 2nd "accidental" pregnancy is that much more deceitful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kirsty91 Posted August 7, 2018 Author Share Posted August 7, 2018 Why not? Going through IVF would achieve your stated goal: experiencing pregnancy again & having another child. If that is not your goal, what is? It sounds like you want another child as a means to force somebody else to support you. If that is what you want or even part of what you want, your idea for a 2nd "accidental" pregnancy is that much more deceitful. Why not IVF? Because I can get pregnant from having sex? My goal is that I'd like to have more children with my boyfriend, am I not allowed to have these feelings according to some of you on here? It sounds like I want to force someone into it? How have I said that? I've even replied previously saying - "a part of me wants to" does not mean that I will?! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kirsty91 Posted August 7, 2018 Author Share Posted August 7, 2018 You are not old fashion or religious so why a marriage? If you were old fashion you wouldn't be in an sexually open relationship. Who's gonna pay for the 2nd child? Sounds like your child being 5 will head to full time school in fall and you're looking for another baby to keep you home not working maybe? . Because I'd like to get married? You don't have to religious or new/old fashioned for that surely? Many people throughout history have been in open relationships? Who's gonna pay for the 2nd child? err... its parents? mind boggles... I'm "looking for another baby to keep me home not working maybe?" Not that that's my intention but if me and my boyfriend wanted that then why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kirsty91 Posted August 7, 2018 Author Share Posted August 7, 2018 (edited) If you are not very religious why do you want to get married? Definitely don't trick him with another baby. That would be a horrible thing to do. It sounds like you want to have more kids and stay home and not work outside of the home. You don't have to be religious to want to get married these days. I am not looking to trick him into having a baby, like I didn't with my first pregnancy - as I had already explained it was both our fault. Sure I wouldn't mind that if I could be a stay at home mum but we can't afford that we both have to work if we want more kids. Edited August 7, 2018 by Kirsty91 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Because I'd like to get married? You don't have to religious or new/old fashioned for that surely? Many people throughout history have been in open relationships? Who's gonna pay for the 2nd child? err... its parents? mind boggles... I'm "looking for another baby to keep me home not working maybe?" Not that that's my intention but if me and my boyfriend wanted that then why not? Please define what you mean by you're not the career woman type? And sure if your boyfriend is willing to support the 3 of you while you stay home nothing wrong with that BUT is it what he wants? Who the main bread winner now? Is your earning approximately the same as his right now? . Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Because I'd like to get married? But why? For the party? for the dress? for the legal protection? Why? Marriage is serious business, usually people don't get into it just because... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Why not IVF? Because I can get pregnant from having sex? My goal is that I'd like to have more children with my boyfriend, am I not allowed to have these feelings according to some of you on here? It sounds like I want to force someone into it? How have I said that? I've even replied previously saying - "a part of me wants to" does not mean that I will?! Wanting to be pregnant & have another baby is Different from wanting another child with your partner. My only point was that if your goal is solely to have another kid, you can achieve that without forcing your BF to have a support a kid he does not want. If your real goal is to build a family, you have to talk to him. But as others have pointed out after 6 years you are no closer to being married then you have to recognize that he might not want more kids. That leaves you with e dilemma -- what do you want more him or more kids? You may have to pick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Why not IVF? Because I can get pregnant from having sex? My goal is that I'd like to have more children with my boyfriend, am I not allowed to have these feelings according to some of you on here? It sounds like I want to force someone into it? How have I said that? I've even replied previously saying - "a part of me wants to" does not mean that I will?! All you are saying is "I want I want I want". No where do I see We Want. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Because I'd like to get married? You don't have to religious or new/old fashioned for that surely? Many people throughout history have been in open relationships? Who's gonna pay for the 2nd child? err... its parents? mind boggles... I'm "looking for another baby to keep me home not working maybe?" Not that that's my intention but if me and my boyfriend wanted that then why not? You state a lot of things that your BF, through his actions, indicates he's not in sync or agreement with. At some point you'll have to reconcile those differences about marriage and kids. Not sure what other advice someone here could give you... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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