imnid10t Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 A few months ago I went to a conference out of state with a group of co-workers that I did not know well and ended up having a full-blown affair with my Boss's Boss - very bad on 2 fronts. Having come through a personal tragedy and dealing with several years of emotional and spiritual pain, I just wanted to feel good again. At first, I believed it was just one time and I justified it to myself with every selfish thought I could muster. As things started to get further, I believed him when he told me he was not in love with his wife. I believed him when he told me that we were meant to be, that he now knew what true love felt like, that he couldn’t wait for forever with me. Hell, I wanted to believe him – It was exactly what I needed to hear at this point. I just kept thinking that she was not there for him, she didn’t give him what he needed. That’s all it was in my mind. I should have been woman enough to stop before the first kiss. But then he kept coming back to me. He still valued me. And I felt special. I felt like he really cared about me. I felt like we had a connection. Something bigger than I had ever felt in my entire life. My heart took over any rational thought from my head. And I kept going. When we spent time together with all our kids, I trusted him. We did things acting as a family while she was away. I've NEVER allowed myself to get involved or even be with in any way a married man. I broke EVERY one of my own rules for him. After months of being together he talked about accelerating leaving her, then just last week while we were together he tells me that he needs to try to work things out with his family. It's all so confusing and he's waffling so much - Just last night he text me that he loves me. He told me he wants to be my (adopted) sons father for goodness sakes. I allowed myself to be completely vulnerable and fall for him. This morning he wants to cut all communication. I responded with "Goodbye". Now, I'm ANGRY. I'm Angry at myself for allowing to be a part of hurting another woman and her family, for contributing to her broken heart and helping him create distrust, anger, and hate in her. I want to apologize to her. I deserve her hate. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 I'd just block his number and go total NC. You may have to communicate in work. Getting involved in a workplace affair is never a smart move. Don't contact his wife. Leave them to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 How could you drag your kids into a situation like that? Would you really want a maggot like him to parent your child? Yep, go NC. You owe him nothing. Get right away from him. You were vulnerable and he played on it. Get some help and support from a more suitable source if you are feeling lonely and in need of help. Poppy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 There are things in life that can really knock us down and leave us in really vulnerable emotional states. Those leave us really ripe for the picking in situations we would have never dreamed we'd get into. Until someone's been there they don't get it. I get it, personally and deeply. So don't beat yourself up but most definitely learn the lesson you need to learn from it. Don't have anything else to do with him unless you want to be on a repeating cycle of "I love you" and "this has to end". His waffling and confusion is going to result in your ongoing misery and heartbreak. Do what's best for you and your son and keep the man out of your life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 Typical office affair. He never valued you at all. Just words. You should fully awaken now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernIslander Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 Whoa!!! Never ever, ever, ever mix kids in a side piece situation. They are smarter than we think they are and that is definitely not a situation they should be exposed too. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 There are things in life that can really knock us down and leave us in really vulnerable emotional states. Those leave us really ripe for the picking in situations we would have never dreamed we'd get into. Until someone's been there they don't get it. I get it, personally and deeply. So don't beat yourself up but most definitely learn the lesson you need to learn from it. Don't have anything else to do with him unless you want to be on a repeating cycle of "I love you" and "this has to end". His waffling and confusion is going to result in your ongoing misery and heartbreak. Do what's best for you and your son and keep the man out of your life. I agree totally. When somebody writes that they never dreamed of being the OW, they are probably telling the truth. I was in a very dark place and had never dreamed it could happen to me. I was in the worst place I had ever been with no support from anybody. So I fell into the affair like many others. In hindsight, it was a lesson to be more self aware and to ask for support rather than seeking it in the wrong place. Poppy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 "I deserve her hate" -- does the wife know? I'm sure you were not the first... Do not worry about her. Worry about yourself and your son, and staying away from this bad guy. And try to find a new job asap. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 A few months ago I went to a conference out of state with a group of co-workers that I did not know well and ended up having a full-blown affair with my Boss's Boss - very bad on 2 fronts. Having come through a personal tragedy and dealing with several years of emotional and spiritual pain, I just wanted to feel good again. At first, I believed it was just one time and I justified it to myself with every selfish thought I could muster. As things started to get further, I believed him when he told me he was not in love with his wife. I believed him when he told me that we were meant to be, that he now knew what true love felt like, that he couldn’t wait for forever with me. Hell, I wanted to believe him – It was exactly what I needed to hear at this point. I just kept thinking that she was not there for him, she didn’t give him what he needed. That’s all it was in my mind. I should have been woman enough to stop before the first kiss. But then he kept coming back to me. He still valued me. And I felt special. I felt like he really cared about me. I felt like we had a connection. Something bigger than I had ever felt in my entire life. My heart took over any rational thought from my head. And I kept going. When we spent time together with all our kids, I trusted him. We did things acting as a family while she was away. I've NEVER allowed myself to get involved or even be with in any way a married man. I broke EVERY one of my own rules for him. After months of being together he talked about accelerating leaving her, then just last week while we were together he tells me that he needs to try to work things out with his family. It's all so confusing and he's waffling so much - Just last night he text me that he loves me. He told me he wants to be my (adopted) sons father for goodness sakes. I allowed myself to be completely vulnerable and fall for him. This morning he wants to cut all communication. I responded with "Goodbye". Now, I'm ANGRY. I'm Angry at myself for allowing to be a part of hurting another woman and her family, for contributing to her broken heart and helping him create distrust, anger, and hate in her. I want to apologize to her. I deserve her hate. Listen I've been in your shoes as single guy fallen for a married woman who told me she wasn't married but had a secret to share. Bomb exploded in my face. 30 years married and 10 years separated. Today she and I are friends again but I have to draw the line. I wish she would get her divorce but I guess she won't because of her 4 grown kids and 3 grand kids. She has everyone on the house. I am not knocking that lifestyle but it can be busy. So if you love this guy and he loves you might want to think about this. I never did anything with her because like you I have some pet pees too. It's all about how you feel about the situation. But for me I can't let go of my ways. You got married for a reason and it just not a piece of paper. So you have blocked yours. I did the same but in the end you might decide to unblock and have a friendship with him. It's hard to let go but you know they're still married, it can be problem too. Link to post Share on other sites
BenchCoach Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 You bypassed the standard affair with your boss and went straight for the "head honcho"... his own boss. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 don't let anyone adopt your child. helloooo? Link to post Share on other sites
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