How do i know if he is into me as a more than friend?

[tndbb]

So i met this guy, and the minute we met there was almost this instant connection. We would constantly get in trouble for talking during class, whenever we could choose our partner or our own seats he was always by my side. Our friend tried to sit next to me one time and he absolutely did not allow it. Eventually we added each other on snapchat so we could talk at home too, and the day we added each other we haven’t stopped talking. He has told me things like how i make him so happy and that he values our friendship, he said that if this friendship falls apart he would have no idea what to do. He’s opened up to me about his past, we’ve both been very vulnerable. I was having a bad day, so he came and picked me up and took out to lunch- when i was sick he wouldnt get off the phone with me until i fell asleep (which was at 2am even though he had work at 8am the next day). I’ve opened up to him about how im a virgin and i’ve never had my first kiss- and after a few jokes he said “if you're comfortable with it, i can help you with that- i can be your first kiss or something. Only if it doesn’t ruin what we have now.” So about a month later- even though we’ve hung out before that- i went to his house and he kissed me. It wasn’t just a kiss though it was a full on makeout. He kept holding my hand, kissing my neck, he got grabby (which i was okay with and he apologized even though i was fine with it). He directed my hand down to his penis then said “only if you want to, i understand if you dont” but i gave him a handjob he gave me a hickey on my breast. He messaged me that night saying he had fun and was wondering if i was up for it again.

 

A lot of our friends are convinced we are together, and i'm not sure where my feelings are with him- even more unsure where his feelings are with me

Edited August 6, 2018 by tndbb

[d0nnivain]

I think he likes you as more then a friend but he knows that you don't have much experience so he's going slow & being somewhat of a gentleman. I am concerned about the handjob; that was kinda pushy.

 

Before anything else happens you need to figure out what you want. He seems like a good guy from what you have said so it's safe to take the risk & date him.

 

If you would like to take that risk, open up the conversation. Mention something about the make out session. Express some desire to do that again with a BF. See if he offers to be that BF. Make sure he knows you mean kissing, not sex. After the 1st time if given the green light, I suspect he will accelerate quickly. Whatever you do, do not have sex / lose your virginity to him without being in an exclusive relationship with him for several months & use condoms.

 

If you do not want things to be romantic, dial everything back & don't talk to him about things like kissing or sex anymore. Avoid situations where the two of you are alone in private.

Edited August 6, 2018 by d0nnivain

[tndbb]

I think he likes you as more then a friend but he knows that you don't have much experience so he's going slow & being somewhat of a gentleman. I am concerned about the handjob; that was kinda pushy.

 

Before anything else happens you need to figure out what you want. He seems like a good guy from what you have said so it's safe to take the risk & date him.

 

If you would like to take that risk, open up the conversation. Mention something about the make out session. Express some desire to do that again with a BF. See if he offers to be that BF. Make sure he knows you mean kissing, not sex. After the 1st time if given the green light, I suspect he will accelerate quickly. Whatever you do, do not have sex / lose your virginity to him without being in an exclusive relationship with him for several months & use condoms.

 

If you do not want things to be romantic, dial everything back & don't talk to him about things like kissing or sex anymore. Avoid situations where the two of you are alone in private.

 

I am not concerned about the handjob because he did ask me before, and was extremely polite. He knows this was my first time doing stuff like this, so him directing me on what was okay to do was something i appreciated.

 

I am not sure about being in a relationship right now, i really like where we are at and i don't want to ruin that beauty. Whenever i get close to entering a relationship i always shut down and emotionally turn myself off because i am not a relationship person- and he is aware of that.

 

I don't want him as my boyfriend but i totally want to continue what we are doing now and eventually have sex with him (if he wants to) because i have this trust and our own kind of relationship.

[caveman621]

Yes he likes you! Just be prepared for next steps. If that's what you want.

[d0nnivain]

I am not sure about being in a relationship right now, i really like where we are at and i don't want to ruin that beauty. Whenever i get close to entering a relationship i always shut down and emotionally turn myself off because i am not a relationship person- and he is aware of that.

 

I don't want him as my boyfriend but i totally want to continue what we are doing now and eventually have sex with him (if he wants to) because i have this trust and our own kind of relationship.

 

 

It breaks my heart that your 1st sex will be some sort of friends with benefits. Most women don't do well with sex without love & commitment. You will be taking another person inside your body. That level of intimacy is incredibly intense.

 

If you have never had a relationship, how do you know you are not a relationship person? You can't know that. All you do know is that you are scared of getting hurt. Love is a leap of faith. You have to trust the other person not to hurt you & that is a huge thing because people break up all the time. There are no guarantees in life.

 

It's your life & if you are happy, fine. It's not my place to judge. You asked. I told you my take on the situation. What you do with that info is entirely up to you.

 

Best wishes.

[tndbb]

It breaks my heart that your 1st sex will be some sort of friends with benefits. Most women don't do well with sex without love & commitment. You will be taking another person inside your body. That level of intimacy is incredibly intense.

 

If you have never had a relationship, how do you know you are not a relationship person? You can't know that. All you do know is that you are scared of getting hurt. Love is a leap of faith. You have to trust the other person not to hurt you & that is a huge thing because people break up all the time. There are no guarantees in life.

 

It's your life & if you are happy, fine. It's not my place to judge. You asked. I told you my take on the situation. What you do with that info is entirely up to you.

 

Best wishes.

 

No i totally appreciate you bringing up these points because i need to think about stuff like that. Whenever a guy expresses a desire to date me i automatically shut them out and get weird- i simply don't want it. Maybe i haven't found the right person, but i know im not searching and focusing on school.

 

And there is love here maybe it's not the traditional relationship love but i know he cares for me and he's proven it time and time again and i care for him too.

[ElKay]

Sex releases oxytocin, a bonding hormone. Some people can hold onto their feelings better than others, but overall, you may get attached to him while that's not what it seems he wants.

Just be ready that you might get too attached afterwards.

[d0nnivain]

No i totally appreciate you bringing up these points because i need to think about stuff like that. Whenever a guy expresses a desire to date me i automatically shut them out and get weird- i simply don't want it. Maybe i haven't found the right person, but i know im not searching and focusing on school.

 

And there is love here maybe it's not the traditional relationship love but i know he cares for me and he's proven it time and time again and i care for him too.

 

I get it. When I was young relationships terrified me. When I was 16 I started dating this guy. I actually wanted to date him because he was in a band & I thought he'd make my parents crazy I met him at a party. Turns out he was in college; I was a junior in HS but he had a 4.0 & a double major. So much for my bad boy pick. Anyway, we dated for a few months until the night he called me his GF. I freaked & broke up with him the next day. I felt like he was trying to posses me or label me. I didn't like it at all.

 

Once I got to college I think my longest "relationship" was about 6-8 weeks. As soon as the guy got remotely serious I bailed. I wanted no part of commitment.

 

In grad school I calmed down & actually managed a year long relationship. . .then I had another year relationship, then 2+, then 10, then I got married to somebody else.

 

When you feel confident, you may change your mind about relationships. I just don't want to see sex destroy you. If you aren't "in love" sex with the wrong person can be emotionally destructive. You don't have to rush to change your status. Concentrate on school until you are ready to risk letting somebody into your heart, before you let him into your body.

[Beachead]

Be careful.

 

It sounds like you're not ready for commitment yet or to the very least, afraid of it from the way you are speaking. From my experiences, if I don't feel that desire of wanting a relationship with a person within the first few interactions of inside of a month, then I won't want a relationship with them later on either. It means it's more of a physical thing for me or just me enjoying their company and that's all.

 

The thing you have with this guy isn't love yet..it's a mutual attraction and respect and that's a good thing. I'd advise you not to do a friends with benefits thing if you respect what you have with him thus far, and really think about what it is that's holding you back.

 

He likes you but it's concerning that neither of you have defined what you two are but are already getting physical. Fair warning that things will escalate fast with one of you developing stronger feelings and most likely wanting a relationship. Without defining things, there will no boundaries for what you two have and that is where complications will arise.

 

If he got intimate with or started talking to someone else, how would you feel about it? Will you be happy for him? Or upset? Because if it upsets you, you'll need to then understand that you will be unjustified to feel that way because neither of you agreed to have a relationship. Therefore, he can do what he wants.

 

People always ask why put a label on it? Why define it? That's why. Tread carefully.

 

Take some time and think about what you want from this to avoid setting yourself up for complications.

 

- Beach

Edited August 12, 2018 by Beachead