Why do some bullies only stop when their victim fights back?

[SavinaV]

By logic, it shouldn't take getting a beating from the victim to realize getting a sick thrill from hurting another person. Practically everyone of us have empathy and compassion.

 

During a whole conversation with my friend Nicole, she admitted to being a former school bully. As the story proceeds, she and her friends pestered this girl for almost 2 whole years (6th to 8th grade). It would sometimes get physical; shoving, gettig back against a wall, pushed into dirt, spit in the face, etc.

 

The girl tried reasoning with them and lastly reporting it to the assistant principal. Nothing worked and the bullies ended up lying and shifting blame. The only thing that work was when the girl really put the fear on God on both Nicole and one of her friends.

 

Ironically, Nicole say it herself that thanks to that beating she never bullied anyone ever again, her grades improved at school and she's still friends with that girl (both of them are now 30 year-olds). Needless to say I was moved by this. Why does someone needs to be literally beaten into submission to know it's wrong. Basically, if the girl never fought back, they would have continue and even grow up as narcissist adults.

Edited August 6, 2018 by SavinaV

[Woggle]

Because fear is the only thing some of them understand and respect.

[SavinaV]

Because fear is the only thing some of them understand and respect.

Interesting

What I got from her description is she was basically that type of kid that could careless about lectures, the ''treat others the way you like to be treated'' talks, getting a detention or suspension, or getting put to stand facing the wall by her teacher. Not even seeing a film about someone getting bullied and its effects would have created an impact on her. She considered that another boring lecture.

 

yet a beating is all it took and as you said it, she needed that fear.

 

Unlike me, as a kid I already knew it was wrong to bully. I never had it in me to torment others.

[Woggle]

One they learn that some people fight back and there can be consequences self interest comes into play. Suddenly bullying becomes too risky. I never had a desire to bully either because I treat others the way I would want to be treated but much of the world doesn't think that way.

[Malin889]

I lived with someone for years who was a bully. They like when you fight back. They want you to fight back so they can continue to fight. If you ignore them or are nice to them, they get confused. And hopefully, eventually, they will stop.

[SavinaV]

Bullies are predators. Like all predators, they look to attack the weakest among us. If you fight back for real, it shows them that you aren't the weak one.

That's a very good way to describe them. Bullies sure have a distorted mindset. It's unfortunate, new bullies are roaming around each year. Edited August 7, 2018 by SavinaV

[Echo74]

Bullies are predators. Like all predators, they look to attack the weakest among us. If you fight back for real, it shows them that you aren't the weak one.

 

Growing up I was super shy. I had a bully in HS who cornered me one day during recess. She tried to get me to "talk privately" to her in the girls restroom but I refuse to let anyone intimidate me so I stood my ground without being cocky about it and she never bullied me again. I think that most people who bully are insecure and have a need to push others around to prove their worth.