No trust left, not sure if I should divorce

[Cyndyrr327]

Nevermind, I see u are 31. At 31 u and your husband really need to work hard at making better decisions ❤️

[Sugarkane]

There never was any investigation to start with. They just took it straight to court.

 

If someone makes an allegation that u aren’t taking care of your child there would be an investigation and they wouldn’t charge u for that. They would report their findings to the court. Assuming they find nothing alarming, you wouldn’t really need a lawyer to fight anything. The fact that your husbands family’s concerns haven’t just gone away in the investigation and court process does seem that there might be some issues with your parenting style. Courts don’t require supervised visits bc the mother is poor.

 

Can I ask how old u are?

[NuevoYorko]

You aren't getting the jobs you apply for because you come off as emotionally unstable.

[Blanco]

Maybe the courts system is wildly different on the other side of the world, but in the US, there's almost zero chance a mother would lose custody of her child with no evidence to support that ruling.

 

If it went to court and the judge made that ruling, I find it hard to believe it was based on speculation and hearsay. Maybe I missed it, I can't recall you detailing the court case and what evidence was used that led to the ruling.

[basil67]

Blanco, the court systems are similar. I've also asked the same question as you, however the OP hasn't told us anything which would be a deal breaker for retaining custody.

[Blanco]

Blanco, the court systems are similar. I've also asked the same question as you, however the OP hasn't told us anything which would be a deal breaker for retaining custody.

 

I figured as much. I'm not saying there's no chance that the OP was the victim of horrific luck that led to this custody ruling. Given the years of backstory provided by the OP, coupled with her worldview, though, I would think the safe money is on there being a legitimate reason for this ruling.

[Sugarkane]

Not at all. I'm good at hiding my emotions when I need too.

You aren't getting the jobs you apply for because you come off as emotionally unstable.

[SpiceCat]

Not at all. I'm good at hiding my emotions when I need too.

 

This does not make you stable nor does it make you a suitable parent. Clearly there's a reason why you don't have custody. I hope you and your husband are both in intensive individual and couples therapy.

[BettyDraper]

Sugarkane, are you ever going to tell us the truth about why you lost custody of your child?

I don't think that you will receive the help you need until you decide to be honest with yourself and others.

[Sugarkane]

I've explained this all before in my threads. When I was assessed by the court appointed Psych, my mental health wasn't great. And that's because my in laws lied that they weren't going to take custody, harassed me to come back and then I was filed with the papers something like a few weeks after. I can't think of anyone that would be in good mental health after that. There's no website on what to do if your in laws file for custody, while you're living with.

 

 

Sugarkane, are you ever going to tell us the truth about why you lost custody of your child?

I don't think that you will receive the help you need until you decide to be honest with yourself and others.

[BettyDraper]

I've explained this all before in my threads. When I was assessed by the court appointed Psych, my mental health wasn't great. And that's because my in laws lied that they weren't going to take custody, harassed me to come back and then I was filed with the papers something like a few weeks after. I can't think of anyone that would be in good mental health after that. There's no website on what to do if your in laws file for custody, while you're living with.

 

When were you assessed? What have you done to improve your mental health?Are you seeing a psychiatrist?

Edited July 6, 2019 by BettyDraper

[LoveFiend]

I think you should stay with your husband and try to get along with the family, I really think that is your best option now.

 

My wife can't get along with my family and they have threatened to kick her out too, but we financially depend on my family to make ends meet. Although I make 45k a year with benefits for me and my wife, my wife makes like 10k a year with no benefits and has all kinds of medical bills because she has many medical problems and has to see a lot of specialists that cost money. So we live with my father and are depend on him for help. Although living with my family causes a lot of conflict with my wife not getting along with inlaws it really is best option for her and she needs to learn to deal with it.

 

... so I think likewise your best option would be to go back to husband try get along with family even if there is a lot of conflict and you don't get along.... because I see that really as your best option at the moment.

[Maddie82]

So its ok for my dad to make HUGE promises, break them and then call me a liar? How is that?

 

When I left the hospital for severe post natal depression. I was referred to a specialist that cost over $300 per appointment. I was struggling. I tried to get ANY low paying job I get. I would've taken anything, I'm not arrogant.

But being the job market that it is couldn't get one.

 

 

So how was I supposed to afford this doctor, to avoid this custody battle from happening and therefore I could've proved myself well enough in court. Instead of being punished for being poor at the time?

 

You are an adult and a parent. It is YOUR job to provide for your child. Not your parents job. They've done their job. It's also not that hard or impossible to get a job and i believe you are just being picky about it. You sound ridiculously entitled expecting everyone else to carry you and bail you out. Your father clearly just wants you to stand on your own two feet like you are supposed to but you get angry at him for not bailing you out. So what if he goes on holidays? He's worked for it all his life hasn't he? He's allowed to have holidays. You are just acting entitled. IMO i feel you have not been 100% clear about why your in-laws have become this way and taken custody of your child. This wouldn't happen for no reason. You are a train wreck. I'd say it's time you woke up and started taking responsibility for yourself for a change. Stop playing the poor victim.

[Maddie82]

I am actually living on my own.

 

I only expected them tooo because that's what they promised.

 

I don't know why you think its ok for my dad to lie about helping us. He'll expect me to do the same when he's elderly!

 

If you bother to read my threads you'll know I never abused or neglected my child. Plus they're controlling and never allowed me to be alone with my child. Even though I would absolutely never would hurt or neglect my child. You've never met me, so how would you know?

 

They blindsided me and filed for custody while I was living with them.

 

There is a reason they wouldn't let you be alone with your child. They must have felt you were a danger to her.

[Maddie82]

This thread has been going for a long time now op and you still haven't learned anything. You still complain about your father (who doesn't owe you anything), still complain about your husband and is still doing NOTHING to rectify your difficult situations. You have still not made any effort to better yourself. Still not found a job since you made this thread almost a year ago. Nothing has changed at all. You are still blaming others for your own downfall. Still feel that you are entitled. Your comment where you said couldn't wait for your father to be elderly and to need you financially so you can kick him to the curb is quite frankly very immature of you. By the things that you have said, it doesn't look like he'll need any help from anyone. Let this stuff with him go. DON'T stay in your marriage. Get out on your own. Get a job (stop using this other business as an excuse), get your own place, clear your act up and apply for custody. In the past 4 or 5 years you haven't lifted a finger to help yourself and has become obsessed with blaming others for your own failures. Get a grip. Start being honest. Stop playing the poor victim when you are the cause.

[Sugarkane]

When were you assessed? What have you done to improve your mental health?Are you seeing a psychiatrist?

 

I've explained this before. I was assessed a long time ago. And yes I see a psychiatrist.

[Sugarkane]

You are an adult and a parent. It is YOUR job to provide for your child. Not your parents job. They've done their job. It's also not that hard or impossible to get a job and i believe you are just being picky about it. You sound ridiculously entitled expecting everyone else to carry you and bail you out. Your father clearly just wants you to stand on your own two feet like you are supposed to but you get angry at him for not bailing you out. So what if he goes on holidays? He's worked for it all his life hasn't he? He's allowed to have holidays. You are just acting entitled. IMO i feel you have not been 100% clear about why your in-laws have become this way and taken custody of your child. This wouldn't happen for no reason. You are a train wreck. I'd say it's time you woke up and started taking responsibility for yourself for a change. Stop playing the poor victim.

 

Well I think he's a piece of work for making promises, reneging on them and saying it was "IN JEST", calling me a liar. NEVER did get an apology of coarse!

Then being that ENTITLED when my WHOLE EXTENDED FAMILY went overseas to scatter my grandmothers ashes. What sort of person does that? He knew I was dealing with my in laws on my own- because my husband was working long hours. And my in laws making false accusations against me.

 

 

It's the fact that he puts his holidays above everything else. He lies that my sister needs help overseas- but she clearly doesn't. Yet he can't be bothered doing anything about my (younger) brothers unemployment- his holidays are more important.

 

 

I've posted here a long time ago about his bizarre authoritarian parenting style.

[Sugarkane]

This thread has been going for a long time now op and you still haven't learned anything. You still complain about your father (who doesn't owe you anything), still complain about your husband and is still doing NOTHING to rectify your difficult situations. You have still not made any effort to better yourself. Still not found a job since you made this thread almost a year ago. Nothing has changed at all. You are still blaming others for your own downfall. Still feel that you are entitled. Your comment where you said couldn't wait for your father to be elderly and to need you financially so you can kick him to the curb is quite frankly very immature of you. By the things that you have said, it doesn't look like he'll need any help from anyone. Let this stuff with him go. DON'T stay in your marriage. Get out on your own. Get a job (stop using this other business as an excuse), get your own place, clear your act up and apply for custody. In the past 4 or 5 years you haven't lifted a finger to help yourself and has become obsessed with blaming others for your own failures. Get a grip. Start being honest. Stop playing the poor victim when you are the cause.

 

Well would you want to help a parent that says they'll help you out when you're in over your head, but instead says it was all "in jest" and goes on holiday instead?

 

 

Contrary to what everyone thinks on here, I've been trying everything to get work and I'm not picky what the sort of work it is. Maybe I just wanted some emotional support from my family, instead of them caring only about being on holidays.

[Blanco]

It's not a parent's responsibility to provided monetary assistance to their adult children. Doesn't matter if he said he would. You need to accept that he didn't and quit carrying that around as a reason to remain stuck. It's like running out of gas in the middle of nowhere and instead of figuring out a way to get to town for gas, you sit there for days complaining about how the car shouldn't have run out of gas. It's getting you nowhere, fair or not.

 

You don't sound like you've got a great family, but your posts carry a tone that others are somehow equally or more responsible for what happens to you than you are.

[PinkPampies]

Sugarcane, I’ve read most of your posts...

 

Let me ask you. What are you doing yourself to better your situation?

 

Answer without mentioning your husband, or your father or your in-laws or the doctors or he lawyers or judges...

 

You say you want custody of your child. What are you doing to obtain that?

 

You say you can’t find a job. What are you doing to change that?

 

You say you’re very unhappy. What are you doing to change?

 

Again, answer without mentioning your husband or father or in laws or anyone else. Answer what YOU are doing to change. You can not control what your husband does or doesn’t do. Or your in laws or your father. You can ONLY control YOUR actions. So with that, what are you doing that’s in your control?