In love with my boss

[rovers14]

So as the title says, I fell for my boss. I know, plenty of people have been through this before and the usual advice is "DON'T DO IT!". But consider this...we are both American and live and work in a foreign country where our only friends are basically the people we work with, so before developing feelings we became good friends. We have so much in common and have the same sense of humor to the point where we make each other laugh over the dumbest things. We've been to dinner a couple of times together, we've hung out just the two of us until the sun came up once before, and she's even admitted having feelings for me after having too much to drink (but she doesn't remember). But then I made a mistake...I slipped up during a conversation and she figured out I had feelings for her (I'm normally smart about these kinds of things and stay 10 steps ahead of a conversation to avoid these mistakes, but a part of me wanted to let my guard down). She then told me she has rules against dating coworkers. I'm wrenched.

 

My question is, does this sound like something worth pursuing? Part of me feels like we can keep things professional at work and I could convince her to give it a shot, the other part of me is scared of what could happen.

[BaileyB]

I wouldn't pursue it if you value your job.

 

Besides, she has told you that she does not date coworkers. She has some pretty clear boundaries and I would respect that.

[d0nnivain]

She has rules against dating co workers for a reason. She might have gotten burned before. She might realize that since your circle in this foreign land is so small there is no way out when you break up. She might fear claims of sexual harassment. She may only have developed feelings for you because the pool of available men is so small. Why she won't date co-workers doesn't matter. She already said she has a rule against this.

 

If one of you changes jobs, then & only then can you go ahead & ask her out. For now, put some distance in here: no more one on one activities with her alone.

[Mr. Lucky]

But consider this...we are both American and live and work in a foreign country where our only friends are basically the people we work with, so before developing feelings we became good friends.

 

You may be simply bonded by circumstances, as often happens to actors on a movie set. And it sounds like, having experienced this before, she's smart enough to understand the situation.

 

I'd consider the ball to be in her court as she's the boss. I'd also be looking for other "friends"...

 

Mr. Lucky

[rovers14]

Yeah these answers are about what I was expecting lol. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else instead of decipher the million different thoughts that are going through my own head! Thanks for the replies. This absolutely SUCKS! at work I'm normally the one making everyone else in the room laugh but the past couple of days everyone else can see I'm not myself so they keep asking what's wrong which just makes things worse...and by the way my boss sits less than 10 feet away from my desk so she can hear everything they say, can you imagine the awkwardness?

 

Anyways, I don't know how I'm going to get over this but thanks again for the replies!

[Springsummer]

I recently watching the Suit TV series...hey if they can date and sleep with colleagues, why can't you?

[MountainGirl111]

If she doesn't get involved with co-workers she shouldn't have spent an entire night with you until the sun came up.etc. Like, what's that all about? She's given you mixed messages...likely because she herself feels conflicted.

 

She knows she is not supposed to get involved with co-workers...but you are her subordinate, not just a co-worker. It could get very messy and you could conceivably claim sexual harassment. I'm not saying you'd actually DO that, but people can do interesting things when their their emotions become involved. Now here you are bummed at work because she put the brakes on...and not only bummed, but now you feel awkward and rightly so. Maybe it's hard for you to concentrate while at work now and that's not a good thing, not at all.

 

Another thing to think about is whether or not the two of you bonded primarily because of being in similar circumstances. I can totally understand how that could happen. But, is that the best basis for starting a relationship? She's attracted to you and you're attracted to her, sure...but is part of the attraction being isolated in a foreign country? Besides, she is your boss. That's a fact. Some people are able to work together and have a relationship with one another. But in so many other cases is just doesn't end well or one of you has to get a different job.

[rovers14]

Another thing to think about is whether or not the two of you bonded primarily because of being in similar circumstances. I can totally understand how that could happen.

 

I see what you're saying, someone else mentioned that above as well. You might say I'm biased in this opinion (rightly so) but I don't believe that's the case. There's 30 or so of us (all american) who are all ex military working in a country where there's PLENTY of other English speaking people to meet and date.

 

But anyways you also mentioned the awkwardness, and the bummed out feelings...you're right and it SUCKED lol. But today was the first day this week where there was none of that, it feels as if we're already back to the way it was before except with a mutual knowledge of deeper feelings. The whole situation is just weird. I feel like an idiot because for the last 13 years (im now 31) I stayed the hell away from every female I came across while on duty for this EXACT reason. Look at me now