Ladies is not being anything more then friends with a guy usually about looks?

[MountainGirl111]

We’ve been friends for years through marriage..they broke up 3 or 4 years ago and she dated one other guy afterwards..

 

Maybe just seeing me as a friend that long is hard to break or maybe she truly

Doesn’t want to date a guy from the same social circle..it didn’t end great he cheated on her too..

 

I do value her as a friend greatly she calls me her best friend and that I’m one of her favorite people so I don’t want to ruin that but who knows what the future holds for us..it would be tough for me to see her with someone else..

 

If he cheated on her....she probably has some justifiable fear she's dealing with and is "guarded" because she doesn't want to get hurt again. And so, if she is "guarded" when stone cold sober....you got a glimpse of how she really is attracted to you when she was a little drunk. You know her well enough to perhaps know she doesn't kiss people unless she wants to...she's picky? There's a lot drunk and there's a little drunk. It can be difficult to change from just friends to something more...but people do it all the time.

[Ken1900]

If he cheated on her....she probably has some justifiable fear she's dealing with and is "guarded" because she doesn't want to get hurt again. And so, if she is "guarded" when stone cold sober....you got a glimpse of how she really is attracted to you when she was a little drunk. You know her well enough to perhaps know she doesn't kiss people unless she wants to...she's picky? There's a lot drunk and there's a little drunk. It can be difficult to change from just friends to something more...but people do it all the time.

 

Maybe she was a lot drunk I dunno it’s hard to gauge because I was real drunk too lol.

 

But I get your point she still wouldn’t have kissed me if she didn’t want to..as drunk as she was it wasn’t like she was unconscious..

[MountainGirl111]

Maybe she was a lot drunk I dunno it’s hard to gauge because I was real drunk too lol.

 

But I get your point she still wouldn’t have kissed me if she didn’t want to..as drunk as she was it wasn’t like she was unconscious..

 

Exactly! My party days are pretty much over but I don't recall kissing anyone I didn't want to kiss even when I was pretty drunk. I know not everyone is like that. Some people are more free that way and some people are more picky and reserved. Anyways...it sounds like she IS relatively guarded, so if that's the case, keep it in mind and it might explain some of her behavior. I don't know if you have ever been cheated on. It's not fun and it can harden the softest of hearts, which is unfortunate...but it's some people carry on...some people even become man haters because of it and they automatically assume all men are wired the same. Wired to cheat. It can turn the most soft naive of people into jaded zombies. Watch out...she might be a zombie and will attack you!

[Ken1900]

Exactly! My party days are pretty much over but I don't recall kissing anyone I didn't want to kiss even when I was pretty drunk. I know not everyone is like that. Some people are more free that way and some people are more picky and reserved. Anyways...it sounds like she IS relatively guarded, so if that's the case, keep it in mind and it might explain some of her behavior. I don't know if you have ever been cheated on. It's not fun and it can harden the softest of hearts, which is unfortunate...but it's some people carry on...some people even become man haters because of it and they automatically assume all men are wired the same. Wired to cheat. It can turn the most soft naive of people into jaded zombies. Watch out...she might be a zombie and will attack you!

 

She gets affectionate with people in general when she drinks but I’ve never seen her kiss anyone aside from me when she’s drinking.

 

She calls me one of her favorite people on the world part of her heart an angel etc really mushy stuff when she gets drunk lol

 

Part of the reason I asked her now is because for the first time since we’ve regularly been hanging out the past year she’s mentioned she wants to start dating again now that she doesn’t have to worry about her daughter as much so I figured I’d take a chance before she ends up with somebody else.

 

It’s all confusing who know how this will end up.

Edited August 9, 2018 by Ken1900

[MountainGirl111]

She gets affectionate with people in general when she drinks but I’ve never seen her kiss anyone aside from me when she’s drinking.

 

She calls me one of her favorite people on the world part of her heart an angel etc really mushy stuff when she gets drunk lol

 

Part of the reason I asked her now is because for the first time since we’ve regularly been hanging out the past year she’s mentioned she wants to start dating again now that she doesn’t have to worry about her daughter as much so I figured I’d take a chance before she ends up with somebody else.

 

It’s all confusing who know how this will end up.

 

Aww. She likes you. She really likes you. Did it bother you when she got mushy with you or did you really like it? She obviously thinks very highly of you...

 

It might feel confusing....try not to get too hung up on the "what ifs". They take up too much head space and interfere with your concentration. You KNOW her character and what she's made of. She doesn't sound flaky. Relax and enjoy it.

[Ken1900]

Aww. She likes you. She really likes you. Did it bother you when she got mushy with you or did you really like it? She obviously thinks very highly of you...

 

It might feel confusing....try not to get too hung up on the "what ifs". They take up too much head space and interfere with your concentration. You KNOW her character and what she's made of. She doesn't sound flaky. Relax and enjoy it.

 

I liked it..for a guy I’m pretty affectionate and mushy myself lol..so I like that stuff..Just was trying to figure out if it was the alcohol taking.

 

She can be flaky at times with texting and hanging out but she also has a teenage daughter and I have to remind myself how important her kid is to her and to understand that and not take it personal.

 

But you’re right about it.. I shouldn’t overthink things and just be glad I have a special connection with someone and see where it goes..

Edited August 9, 2018 by Ken1900

[Kamille]

 

But you’re right about it.. I shouldn’t overthink things and just be glad I have a special connection with someone and see where it goes..

 

Oh... No.

 

No. Whatever the reason (could be looks, could be something else), she made it clear she didn't see you that way.

 

Is this friendship good for you otherwise?

 

Are you dating other people?

 

She's not the one for you. If you can be friends and just friends then, by all mean, keep the friendship alive. If not, please extricate yourself from this friendship. Date other people. Find someone who will be 100% into you.

[MountainGirl111]

I liked it..for a guy I’m pretty affectionate and mushy myself lol..so I like that stuff..Just was trying to figure out if it was the alcohol taking.

 

She can be flaky at times with texting and hanging out but she also has a teenage daughter and I have to remind myself how important her kid is to her and to understand that and not take it personal.

 

But you’re right about it.. I shouldn’t overthink things and just be glad I have a special connection with someone and see where it goes..

 

Man, you sound like an awesome dude! I hope she appreciates you....It's wonderful you understand about her daughter and how important that aspect of her life is. Many folks don't get that.

 

Was it the alcohol talking? I doubt it. But you know her character more than we do. Go with your gut on that. Being a little drunk likely lowered her inhibitions.

[Ken1900]

Oh... No.

 

No. Whatever the reason (could be looks, could be something else), she made it clear she didn't see you that way.

 

Is this friendship good for you otherwise?

 

Are you dating other people?

 

She's not the one for you. If you can be friends and just friends then, by all mean, keep the friendship alive. If not, please extricate yourself from this friendship. Date other people. Find someone who will be 100% into you.

 

I’m not putting all my eggs into her basket I have nothing going on right now as far as my love life though ..but she’s one of my best friends so regardless she’s a big part of my life..I’m not gonna just stop seeing her if we aren’t going out..I admit if she dated someone else at this point it would hurt me to see that but if it happens it’s just something I’ll have to live with.

 

I doubt it’s because if looks or she wouldn’t have kissed me on the lips..I’m assuming it’s because of my friend.. would you want to date or marry a friend of ex husband of yours who cheated on you?

Edited August 9, 2018 by Ken1900

[Mike800]

Oh... No.

 

No. Whatever the reason (could be looks, could be something else), she made it clear she didn't see you that way.

 

Is this friendship good for you otherwise?

 

Are you dating other people?

 

She's not the one for you. If you can be friends and just friends then, by all mean, keep the friendship alive. If not, please extricate yourself from this friendship. Date other people. Find someone who will be 100% into you.

 

While I agree he shouldn’t just focus on her I had a best friend who rejected me at the time even though she had feelings for me and we later became a couple.His friend obviously has some feelings for him here let’s be honest. I don’t buy that every relationship has to start out where you know right away.Mine was a slow burn but worth it.sometimes the timing isn’t always right right away between two people.

 

We live in a instant gratification world now where people think you must know right away someone is for you. In my experience my best relationships came from deep long friendships where we slowly built the trust and connection which made the relationship better since that stuff was already built through friendship.

Edited August 9, 2018 by Mike800

[MountainGirl111]

While I agree he shouldn’t just focus on her I had a best friend who rejected me at the time even though she had feelings for me and we later became a couple.His friend obviously has some feelings for him here let’s be honest. I don’t buy that every relationship has to start out where you know right away.Mine was a slow burn but worth it.sometimes the timing isn’t always right right away between two people.

 

We live in a instant gratification world now where people think you must know right away someone is for you. In my experience my best relationships came from deep long friendships where we slowly built the trust and connection which made the relationship better since that stuff was already built through friendship.

 

I absolutely agree with this. Our society is SOOOoooo instant gratification and I think that can cause a lot of problems with folks. Yeah, sometimes the timing is just not right and in those cases sometimes you have to carry on and live your life. It certainly doesn't mean it's complete history...I also think about "substance"...it's a certain type of "depth" and we don't always connect with everyone in our lives at that depth...so when we do it's remarkable and it touches our lives in meaningful ways; it tends to stick with us.

[Mike800]

I absolutely agree with this. Our society is SOOOoooo instant gratification and I think that can cause a lot of problems with folks. Yeah, sometimes the timing is just not right and in those cases sometimes you have to carry on and live your life. It certainly doesn't mean it's complete history...I also think about "substance"...it's a certain type of "depth" and we don't always connect with everyone in our lives at that depth...so when we do it's remarkable and it touches our lives in meaningful ways; it tends to stick with us.

 

Problem is a lot of people have no depth to them. If that person isn’t their stringent ideal physically they move on and find someone who turns them on physically and does nothing else for them sometimes.

 

I like the part you said about connection and how many people do we truly connect with.

 

That’s why these friendships for me turned into beautiful relationships because either I or my friend at the time would date other people and then realize these other people don’t make us feel like we made each other feel.

 

I think friendships are a great gateway to a relationship but what do I know in this swipe right or left culture. If that works for you god bless.

[hotpotato]

Let's say you have a really close guy friend you have an good connection have similliar senses of humor think he's a great guy but he's just a great friend and nothing more is the reason always you're not attracted to his looks?

 

Or is it possible for you to be good friends with a good looking guy who possesses a lot of great traits is a great guy but for whatever reason you just seem him in a brotherly way?

 

Personally I wouldn't go out of my way to befriend a man who was very attractive. Sometimes I just want a friend without the sexual tension. This is almost a non issue since I'm not attracted to most men in a purely physical way.

 

In the past I've befriended guys who were quite unattractive. Even if I told them I didn't want to date, they'd fantasize that I wanted them. It seems like men choose female friends they find sexually attractive.

[MountainGirl111]

Problem is a lot of people have no depth to them. If that person isn’t their stringent ideal physically they move on and find someone who turns them on physically and does nothing else for them sometimes.

 

I like the part you said about connection and how many people do we truly connect with.

 

That’s why these friendships for me turned into beautiful relationships because either I or my friend at the time would date other people and then realize these other people don’t make us feel like we made each other feel.

 

I think friendships are a great gateway to a relationship but what do I know in this swipe right or left culture. If that works for you god bless.

 

Yes, there are many shallow people in this world...or maybe they just haven't arrived at a time in their lives where they've learned to dig deeper or reach higher; whatever the case may be (?) Maybe they've had various "gateways" presented to them that would allow them to go deeper, but for some reason they missed the "gate"? [i was just having a visual there....]

 

Anyways: I think there's something wrong with me (wink) I can't stay on the surface....I have to go under....I think too much....and various other things....If I don't have a healthy outlet for it all ...well, I am not as healthy. I've been so blessed in many ways....but I've had my share of sorrow....

[MountainGirl111]

I’m not putting all my eggs into her basket I have nothing going on right now as far as my love life though ..but she’s one of my best friends so regardless she’s a big part of my life..I’m not gonna just stop seeing her if we aren’t going out..I admit if she dated someone else at this point it would hurt me to see that but if it happens it’s just something I’ll have to live with.

 

I doubt it’s because if looks or she wouldn’t have kissed me on the lips..I’m assuming it’s because of my friend.. would you want to date or marry a friend of ex husband of yours who cheated on you?

 

It sounds like both you and she have had enough life experience to figure out you never put all your eggs in one basket and you're A-OK with that. If she has gone through raising a teenage daughter....hmmmm.....all I can say is hmmmmm....I think you can probably trust your instincts on this. You know when someone finds you attractive. You just know...If she's attracted to more that just your looks, that's a good thing.

[Ken1900]

It sounds like both you and she have had enough life experience to figure out you never put all your eggs in one basket and you're A-OK with that. If she has gone through raising a teenage daughter....hmmmm.....all I can say is hmmmmm....I think you can probably trust your instincts on this. You know when someone finds you attractive. You just know...If she's attracted to more that just your looks, that's a good thing.

 

What do you mean by raising the teenage daughter part?

 

As far as finding me attractive I think she does but who knows lol

[MountainGirl111]

What do you mean by raising the teenage daughter part?

 

As far as finding me attractive I think she does but who knows lol

 

I would think raising a teenage daughter builds character.

[MissBee]

Let's say you have a really close guy friend you have an good connection have similliar senses of humor think he's a great guy but he's just a great friend and nothing more is the reason always you're not attracted to his looks?

 

Or is it possible for you to be good friends with a good looking guy who possesses a lot of great traits is a great guy but for whatever reason you just seem him in a brotherly way?

 

Romantic attraction is more than just looks.

 

There are many people I think are good looking but I don't have any deeper romantic feelings for them or even sexual feelings. That's even why it's possible to have sex with someone but not want to date them, marry them or you don't end up being in love with them. As that romantic, butterflies, in-love, want to be with you type of feeling isn't about looks. All the pieces can exist on paper with someone but without those feelings (which aren't looks dependent) you won't want anything more than friendship or sometimes you may want sex but nothing deeper. Similarly, I've experienced meeting someone and not necessarily thinking they were the best looking but they still sparked that feeling and I ended up falling for them and thought them even more attractive.

 

 

Romantic feelings are complicated and you either feel them or you don't. You don't always have a rhyme or reason for it and no it's not just about looks.

Edited August 10, 2018 by MissBee

[Ken1900]

Romantic attraction is more than just looks.

 

There are many people I think are good looking but I don't have any deeper romantic feelings for them or even sexual feelings. That's even why it's possible to have sex with someone but not want to date them, marry them or you don't end up being in love with them. As that romantic, butterflies, in-love, want to be with you type of feeling isn't about looks. All the pieces can exist on paper with someone but without those feelings (which aren't looks dependent) you won't want anything more than friendship or sometimes you may want sex but nothing deeper. Similarly, I've experienced meeting someone and not necessarily thinking they were the best looking but they still sparked that feeling and I ended up falling for them and thought them even more attractive.

 

 

Romantic feelings are complicated and you either feel them or you don't. You don't always have a rhyme or reason for it and no it's not just about looks.

 

Gotcha..so there could be a friend you think is awesome love to be around and care about deeply and is somewhat good looking but for whatever reason he feels more like a brother?

Edited August 10, 2018 by Ken1900

[MountainGirl111]

Gotcha..so there could be a friend you think is awesome love to be around and care about deeply and is somewhat good looking but for whatever reason he feels more like a brother?

 

Or.....there could be a friend who is extremely good looking physically but for whatever reason, you don't feel romantic about. Yeah, he could be more like a brother. He could be more like a friend. He could be like a brother AND a friend. It just depends. It depends on various factors. I've had romantic relationships that started out as friends and maybe we were friends for a few years first and then it turned romantic. Who knows the rhyme or reason to that? The lady you have in mind is obviously guarded, Ken. With good reason. So, I think you need to take that into consideration. She may only feel comfortable with any man as a friend right now in her life. That's just how it goes sometimes when people get burned. Her ex cheated on her. And who knows: maybe she felt she could trust her ex and he still cheated on her. So where does that leave her in her ability to trust other men?

[Ken1900]

Or.....there could be a friend who is extremely good looking physically but for whatever reason, you don't feel romantic about. Yeah, he could be more like a brother. He could be more like a friend. He could be like a brother AND a friend. It just depends. It depends on various factors. I've had romantic relationships that started out as friends and maybe we were friends for a few years first and then it turned romantic. Who knows the rhyme or reason to that? The lady you have in mind is obviously guarded, Ken. With good reason. So, I think you need to take that into consideration. She may only feel comfortable with any man as a friend right now in her life. That's just how it goes sometimes when people get burned. Her ex cheated on her. And who knows: maybe she felt she could trust her ex and he still cheated on her. So where does that leave her in her ability to trust other men?

 

 

But she did have one relationship after the divorce and recently she talked about looking to date again now that her daughters junior year is over..But it’s just talk as of right now because she hasn’t done it..

[MountainGirl111]

But she did have one relationship after the divorce and recently she talked about looking to date again now that her daughters junior year is over..But it’s just talk as of right now because she hasn’t done it..

 

How long did that one relationship last? Could be she did date, but then realized it wasn't for her? I think perhaps the bottom line is that it's difficult to assume she has you in friend status just because of your looks. There could many reasons...maybe she is afraid of getting hurt.

[Mysterio]

My Female friends in terms of attraction.

 

JC. If JC was more giving, loving, sweet to me and made more of an effort to get together. We could be a couple she is 37 to my 47. Its her personality that keeps her and I friends. A couple of yrs ago. I was walking in a park with her and felt the longing to kiss/make out with her, but I held it all in. Its her Physical shell that I am attracted to more than her personality.

 

DS is in her 60's. I have a crush on her. I told her and she told me she knows that already. Even talking about her I get a bit buzzed. She has a partner a man. So I would not try to do anything with her. She is actually loving and giving to me and we get together in person 5-6 times a yr.

 

AG is a yr younger than me. She is married. Although she is a beautiful woman. I feel like she is a sister to me spiritually and we refer to each other that way a lot. She is married and almost got divorced and her real life sister and I made overtures towards her giving her marriage a chance. I love loving her as a sister/friend. Her husband is a good guy and I want them to be together.

 

All the women beyond them are aquintances. The bottom line as a man. It feels like the men are trying to balance the beauty and the personality of the women they are pursuing.

[Mike800]

How long did that one relationship last? Could be she did date, but then realized it wasn't for her? I think perhaps the bottom line is that it's difficult to assume she has you in friend status just because of your looks. There could many reasons...maybe she is afraid of getting hurt.

 

Yeah guys have to stop thinking everything is about looks it’s not

Edited August 13, 2018 by Mike800
Spelling

[Ken1900]

How long did that one relationship last? Could be she did date, but then realized it wasn't for her? I think perhaps the bottom line is that it's difficult to assume she has you in friend status just because of your looks. There could many reasons...maybe she is afraid of getting hurt.

 

 

She had one or two relationships but they didn’t last long at all. So maybe you’re right.

 

Thanks for all your advice.While I’m not gonna put all my eggs in her basket I’m not gonna completely rule out us getting together ever either because at least I feel we do have a special bond/connection that you don’t get often and I think that’s rare.