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Ladies is not being anything more then friends with a guy usually about looks?

Ken1900

By Ken1900,
in General Relationship Discussion

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MissBee

MissBee

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Gotcha..so there could be a friend you think is awesome love to be around and care about deeply and is somewhat good looking but for whatever reason he feels more like a brother?

 

Yepp.

 

My question is: are you attracted to/want to date every single woman who you like and think is cute?

 

I ask because sometimes when we ask questions about other people, we forget that oh wait, I have similar experiences so can relate. So for example, if you have experienced not being attracted to/wanting to date every female friend or woman you thought was nice or cute, then maybe it's easier then to turn it around and understand how someone else could feel the same.

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Lilkilgore

Lilkilgore

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Yepp.

 

My question is: are you attracted to/want to date every single woman who you like and think is cute?

 

I ask because sometimes when we ask questions about other people, we forget that oh wait, I have similar experiences so can relate. So for example, if you have experienced not being attracted to/wanting to date every female friend or woman you thought was nice or cute, then maybe it's easier then to turn it around and understand how someone else could feel the same.

 

WELL said!

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anduina

anduina

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Attraction isn't simple, considering the subjective nature of preferences. Consider actors and how not every person prefers the same ones. I prefer Eddie Redmayne and don't understand the appeal of Channing Tatum, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Ryan Gosling or Chris Pine who are considered top sex symbols. This isn't to say they're unattractive because they are attractive, only that I'm not attracted to them. There are tons of women who will disagree with me.

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MountainGirl111

MountainGirl111

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She had one or two relationships but they didn’t last long at all. So maybe you’re right.

 

Thanks for all your advice.While I’m not gonna put all my eggs in her basket I’m not gonna completely rule out us getting together ever either because at least I feel we do have a special bond/connection that you don’t get often and I think that’s rare.

 

Rare indeed. Perhaps she sees it as very rare too and so she's being extra cautious so as not to jeopardize a wonderful thing.

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bathtub-row

bathtub-row

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Few women pick a man solely on looks. A guy needs to know who he is.

 

I was friends with a guy for many years. He was nice looking and very well educated, nice dresser. The well educated, smart guy, is really my thing. But the guy did nothing for me although he was crazy about me. The killing factor? He had no real self-confidence. He was too spacey acting. And his kids and life were out of control. Bottom line - I had no respect for him.

 

I think every person alive should read Jordan Peterson’s book about the 12 Rules of Life.. He encapsulates things so well and pieces things together perfectly. He explains what women look for in men. Do yourself a favor and read it.

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PRW

PRW

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Makes sense. How would you define game?
It is simple. "Game" is just slang for Technique & Skill. If you play a sport and have "game" it means you are just good at the sport you play. If you have good game with women it just means you have a skilled technique at dealing with women. The term itself is neutral,...but in practice it can be honest (good) or dishonest (evil).
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No_Go

No_Go

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Either his looks (lack of sexual chemistry to be more specific)or some kind of incompatibility that can't be overlooked.

 

For me it has been:

1) Age difference bigger than what I'm comfortable with

2) Immaturity (for me childish vibe is immediate passion killer)

3) Something in the guy that I find sexually repulsive (smell, voice etc)

4) Red flags in the guy background- e.g. having children from several relationships

 

But more often than not - the sexual chemistry is just not there. That's hardly ever fixable...

 

Let's say you have a really close guy friend you have an good connection have similliar senses of humor think he's a great guy but he's just a great friend and nothing more is the reason always you're not attracted to his looks?

 

Or is it possible for you to be good friends with a good looking guy who possesses a lot of great traits is a great guy but for whatever reason you just seem him in a brotherly way?

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PRW

PRW

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Either his looks (lack of sexual chemistry to be more specific)or some kind of incompatibility that can't be overlooked.

But more often than not - the sexual chemistry is just not there. That's hardly ever fixable...

Would the lack of confidence and masculinity have a lot to do with that? Also, maybe lack of leadership (indecisive), guy just follows you around like a puppy,...that type of stuff?
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bathtub-row

bathtub-row

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Would the lack of confidence and masculinity have a lot to do with that? Also, maybe lack of leadership (indecisive), guy just follows you around like a puppy,...that type of stuff?

 

They’re quite possibly one and the same. But I think people shouldn’t confuse quietness as weakness or lack of self-esteem. Actually, it’s the boisterous, showboat guys that turn me off the quickest. Confidence is often subtle and quiet.

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No_Go

No_Go

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Would the lack of confidence and masculinity have a lot to do with that? Also, maybe lack of leadership (indecisive), guy just follows you around like a puppy,...that type of stuff?

 

Yeah, lack of confidence is a huge passion killer...

 

Lack of leadership I can somewhat overlook (e.g. if the guy is a strong individualist).

 

But clingy guys just orbiting around... noone wants that. I have one friend like this. We went on 6 dates, he never made a physical move whatsoever. I wasn't attracted to him anyway but told him I enjoyed our conversations (it was true). He acted extremely disappointed and said after he 'recovers' we'll stay friends. We did, this was 4 years+ ago. I think he still has his hopes because I'd meet him way more often in the periods when I was single, but just... this persistence/clinginess only consolidated my decision to be strictly platonic with him. Just it showed to me he has no confidence if he's willing to wait in the shadows until I free up :sick:

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preraph

preraph

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There's lots of things that can affect attraction, but of course the first one is looks and what that means to each individual person. that's because that's what we see first.

 

But like I might think someone looks good but then even before I've met them if I am watching them socialize and don't like how they are in motion or don't like their choice of women, I would instantly write them off. If I saw a guy trying to prey on a real drunk girl at a bar that he didn't even come with, I would write him off as unethical. If I saw a guy being rude and oblivious, loud and obnoxious, backing into people, like a bull in a china closet, I'd write him off. If I saw a gorgeous guy being mean to an animal, calling the police.

 

It's everything you can tell about someone before you even talk to them and collating that into.

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