Husband posts picture of late wife

[adna89]

Ok so i am opening this thread because a close friend aske me to,she does not know if she has a right to be mad at her husband and wanted to hear different opinions ? she married him 5 years ago,he was a widower...his children accept her and respect their marriage.Anyway,few days ago her husband posts on his facebook a picture of him and his late wife,and writes "me with my late wife "...his relatives started commenting stuff like rest in peace we miss her

 

so it made her angry ,and jealous but she did not say anything.how would you react?

[Art_Critic]

Why would she be angry, it's his grief...

People grieve in their own ways and he is obviously feeling grief over the date.

 

How would I react.. I wouldn't be angry.. if the person was alive I would freak out but the person isn't a threat and facing grief like this can only heal the soul not create issues...

 

Close friend... don't know what to say to her, maybe discuss this with him, he lost her to death not divorce so she can be supportive of his pain/grief and not feel like he is cheating on her....

 

Hope all works out, this is a tough thing for both to be going thru..

Edited August 8, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
spelling

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

If you marry a widower/widow, you take on their grief and memories of their late partner. If you feel threatened by that, even years later, it's on you. There's zero chance of them actually cheating so I think a new partner should only be supportive of the memories UNLESS they are obsessive.

 

Just my opinion.

[Mr. Lucky]

so it made her angry ,and jealous but she did not say anything.how would you react?

 

Second marriage for me so my wife and I discussed this early on. We both understood we had lives before we met each other along with the related memories and mementos. So while no part of my home or social media presence qualifies as a shrine to my ex, she is in a few pictures (with my kids) and posts. It's a part of my life.

 

Given your friend's husband is a widower, seems he deserves even more latitude...

 

Mr. Lucky

[basil67]

How would I react? By accepting that he loved her and will always love her. But that it doesn't mean he loves me any less.

[darkmoon]

if he keeps doing it, then it is not so easy to live with

 

 

A similar thing happened to me, and had I not been secure with him, I would have felt pretty bad. I had to understand that he liked/loved me anyway and was being dutiful to her memory, as so he went to visit her grave on her birthday. He was staying friends with the ex, if you will, one day of the year.

Edited August 8, 2018 by darkmoon

[adna89]

How would I react? By accepting that he loved her and will always love her. But that it doesn't mean he loves me any less.

 

Exactly what i said.he lost her to death not by choice so some understanding is needed

[BaileyB]

Was it an anniversary perhaps?

 

My mother passed away six years ago and my father is in a new relationship. He took down all the photos and we never spoke of my mother. It was brutal - for all of us. We are now at the place where we can look at photos and talk of her in the presence of his new girlfriend. If she became upset in a similar situation, well... it would be really disappointing to me.

 

To deny me the opportunity to remember my mother, to speak her name or tell the old stories is like denying me the air I need to breath. She is a part of me, and I loved her, and I want to remember her...

 

I can certainly understand why she would be upset, but she has to understand that just because our mother is gone does not mean that she is forgotten. We don’t speak of her often, out of respect for his new girlfriend. But, anyone who would not understand or respect that fact would not be someone that I could love or trust.

Edited August 8, 2018 by BaileyB

[adna89]

Was it an anniversary perhaps?

 

My mother passed away six years ago and my father is in a new relationship. He took down all the photos and we never spoke of my mother. It was brutal - for all of us. We are now at the place where we can look at photos and talk of her in the presence of his new girlfriend. If she became upset in a similar situation, well... it would be really disappointing to me.

 

To deny me the opportunity to remember my mother, to speak her name or tell the old stories is like denying me the air I need to breath. She is a part of me, and I loved her, and I want to remember her...

 

I can certainly understand why she would be upset, but she has to understand that just because our mother is gone does not mean that she is forgotten. We don’t speak of her often, out of respect for his new girlfriend. But, anyone who would not understand or respect that fact would not be someone that I could love or trust.

 

That sounds brutal.did your father ask for it or she? But good its ok now to remember your mom

 

If you can not deal a widows/widowers past do not marry one.in my case no i have no idea if it is an anniversery but my friend is jealous he remembers and honours the first wife even after 5 years of marriage with her

Edited August 8, 2018 by adna89

[BaileyB]

That sounds brutal.did your father ask for it or she? But good its ok now to remember your mom

 

If you can not deal a widows/widowers past do not marry one.in my case no i have no idea if it is an anniversery but my friend is jealous he remembers and honours the first wife even after 5 years of marriage with her

 

 

I think he did it so that she wouldn't be uncomfortable. It was also very painful for him - he would cry or leave the room when her name came up in conversation.

 

It's funny, because last year his girlfriend was away for a week and he was home alone. He put a photo of himself with my mother out in the living room. He told me that it made him feel good - he said "I thought, why not bring the old girl out!"

 

His girlfriend has also lost her husband and she talked about him occasionally... Grief is hard. I often think of the words of the social worker when my mom was in palliative care - they have stayed with me for all these years... She told us in our grief to "be kind to each other..." It's not always easy, but we try.

 

Yes, if she couldn't deal with the fact that he had a past love, then she should not have married him. How she deals with this situation and others will affect her relationship with this man and his kids. I do believe that you can continue to love someone, and build a new life with someone else. It doesn't deminish the new love. But, it shows kindness and respect if you can allow the family a chance to remember and grieve their loss. I hope your friend is able to do this...

[Gaeta]

so it made her angry ,and jealous but she did not say anything.how would you react?

 

 

I would stand by my man and honor her memory with him. I'd ask him to tell me about her and tell him he was lucky to share part of his life with that special woman for a moment on this earth because finding that kind of love is rare.

 

 

 

Loving her memory doesn't take anything away from the love he has for your friend. The heart is more complex than that. There is no limit in the quantity of love we can spread around.

[Bumpkin]

Everyone handles things differently. I think it's ok and that it would be different if she was still alive. No matter what she will always be apart of him and she died....they didn't break up. It's a touchy subject and maybe they could have a reassuring talk about it for her sake.