Girlfriend working with her Ex

[TypicalDude]

I've seen these threads all over the internet, but none of them really go into much detail, especially emotionally.

 

My girlfriend, the only girlfriend that I've trusted without doubt is going to work at a group home with her ex. But for some reason I am struggling with thoughts that I don't quite understand myself. I know she won't cheat on me, we are very open and honest with each other. I am still uncomfortable with her working with her ex for some reason. I have told her about how I felt about this, but she re assures me there's nothing to worry about. I just need any opinions or suggestions on why I feel this way, and anyway to cope with this. Because, I don't want to rob her from a job because I'm uncomfortable.

 

Please help, and Thank you!

[doyathinkso]

I

My girlfriend, the only girlfriend that I've trusted without doubt is going to work at a group home with her ex.

 

 

Well there's the end of that trust if she insists on working with him.

 

I mean really, working in close contact in such a touchy-feely setting?

 

She wants to play with fire and tells you that there is no way on God's Green Earth that anyone could possibly get burned. Suuuuurrrrre.

 

Oh, maybe she means that she won't get burned. Just you.

[d0nnivain]

She's working with him, not meeting him for drinks. She probably has little control over where she is assigned; that decision is made by her employer. She can't very well quit & be unemployed because you are unhappy. It's WORK, not play. They will both have jobs to do & people to supervise with very little down time or one on one interaction with each other.

 

At most you can ask her to put in for a transfer to a different location or shift once the opportunity arises beyond that you gotta trust her.

[preraph]

Well, I worked with mine for 10 years plus and it can be emotionally draining and also a political minefield. So what you need to find out is why it's not a problem for her. Now, whoever doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore, that's not a problem for them because they're done. But then what if the guy isn't done and just keeps causing her problems, nothing she'd give in to, but just getting mad or jealous at work?

 

So you need to hear the story of their relationship, find out why they broke up, how long it took both of them to get over it or if one or both never did. If you find out she'd been wanting out of the relationship and was just tired and over it and relieved to get out and he was too, fine. But usually there's one wanting to rekindle. If she's done with him though, it will just be political stuff, not anything like cheating to worry about. But if she never got over him or he broke up with her, I wouldn't trust it. Exes know how to pull your emotional strings.

 

Can you see his social media and tell anything from it?

[Gaeta]

I have been working for my ex for 15 years this year. From the day we split we kept it strictly professional. He has NEVER, not even once, had an inappropriate behavior or words toward me. I told my boyfriend and he could not care less. He's a secure man in who he is and he knows I am hopelessly in love with him and I'd never in a million year fancy my ex again. That's called trust.

[Mr. Lucky]

She wants to play with fire and tells you that there is no way on God's Green Earth that anyone could possibly get burned. Suuuuurrrrre.

 

Oh, maybe she means that she won't get burned. Just you.

 

I don't know if you've ever been in an average group home but it's about the least sexualized setting on earth.

 

TypicalDude, anyone divorced with children deals with their ex for many decades. 99% of the time, it simply serves to remind you why they're an "ex".

 

Don't over-emphasize the threat because of your own insecurities...

 

Mr. Lucky

[TypicalDude]

Thanks everyone. These are all different takes that I haven't even thought of. And you're all right. I guess I just had tunnel vision. I'm still uncomfortable, but I know her and I will get through it together.

 

As long as we remain open and honest with each other.

[rovers14]

Honestly I wouldn't enjoy the thought of it either, even if I trusted her 100%. That's only because I wouldn't want someone else eye balling my girl or putting her in uncomfortable situations. I would want to be there to protect her, not because I don't trust her but because I wouldn't trust HIM in a million years, no matter who he is. But it is what it is, they may not have a choice in the matter. If she's still looking at you with that spark in her eye then she's only got eyes for you!

[Gaeta]

Honestly I wouldn't enjoy the thought of it either, even if I trusted her 100%. That's only because I wouldn't want someone else eye balling my girl or putting her in uncomfortable situations. I would want to be there to protect her, not because I don't trust her but because I wouldn't trust HIM in a million years, no matter who he is. But it is what it is, they may not have a choice in the matter. If she's still looking at you with that spark in her eye then she's only got eyes for you!

 

 

That is a typical statement of someone trying to convince himself he trusts his girlfriend. So what you don't trust him? Don't you trust your girlfriend to reject him? If he can't take no for an answer there are human resources to knock him on the head. If someone eye ball your girlfriend then be proud of it, it means she's hot.

[TypicalDude]

That is a typical statement of someone trying to convince himself he trusts his girlfriend. So what you don't trust him? Don't you trust your girlfriend to reject him? If he can't take no for an answer there are human resources to knock him on the head. If someone eye ball your girlfriend then be proud of it, it means she's hot.

 

Yeah I agree with you there. I am proud, and I do trust her. Even if he makes a move I trust her to do the right thing.. Which she will without a doubt. I still feel uncomfortable, but I'm sure like most things. With time I'll learn to cope and manage.

[rovers14]

That is a typical statement of someone trying to convince himself he trusts his girlfriend. So what you don't trust him? Don't you trust your girlfriend to reject him? If he can't take no for an answer there are human resources to knock him on the head. If someone eye ball your girlfriend then be proud of it, it means she's hot.

 

Okay so there's HR to help, great. Let's assume it's an HR department that does their job and actually cares about employees, I happen to work for a company right now who has a lot to prove and a lot to make up for before I trust them with anything. So she goes to HR because she's been harassed by an ex...I'm supposed to be okay with this?? All I said is I would want to be there for her when or if these things happen. I happen to be very protective of every female in my life, to include my dogs and horses. However, I also never said I would try to prevent her from working where she wanted to, I just explained why I wouldn't enjoy it...I don't see the problem here.

 

Bottom line...I don't enjoy my girlfriend, or my sister, or even my mom to be in situations where there's a potential for harassment or even uncomfortable situations.

[d0nnivain]

rovers14

 

It's very sweet & gallant of you to want to protect people you care about in the work place but you can't. If you don't work there you can't go barging in making demands or threats. You have to have enough confidence in the women you love to let them fix their own problems. They are adults. Give them some credit. Do support them & champion them from the sidelines. Do not assume that your gender gives you the right to fight their battles for them.