Lightly Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 (edited) I’m in my early twenties and i am really close with a coworker who’s 32. Lately I’ve been noticing how she treats me and talks to me like a child and I’m actually getting fed up with it Because of where we work i tend to snack a lot at work and because we work 12 hours,i always ask people for gum or if they have a piece of candy and because I’m always asking lots of people at work are kind and bring me goody bags or chips,drinks,or just share their food with me and she gets mad and says “stop begging and asking people for **** you always do that” Or sometimes coworkers will ask to hang out or go out and I’ll pay for them or I’ll ask them to pay for me and she says “stop buying people **** and stop asking people to pay for you” She calls me worrisome sometimes or just she says I’m about to start acting like i don’t know you My friend and her husband are going through problems too . I met her husband one day and he found me attractive... she told me he thought i was cute and sometimes she will call me and put her husband on the phone and he’ll flirt with me or he’ll ask for a threesome with me and her etc... She’ll ask me do i wanna be with her husband too or tells me how he doesn’t want me hanging out with her because she’s Muslim I’m just tired of that and i try to be nice to her but she acts like my mom and puts me in her relationship Edited August 8, 2018 by Lightly Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 She sounds like a busybody. What you do is none of her business. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightly Posted August 8, 2018 Author Share Posted August 8, 2018 Right but she gets mad at what people gives/offers me Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 Right but she gets mad at what people gives/offers me And why is this your problem? Tell her you're pretending she's an online buddy and putting her on "ignore"... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 May I ask why you don't just come to work with your own snacks so you're not interrupting your work BOTH by begging snacks AND eating them? You could cut the irritation in half by not being a mooch. It's office slackery and that's probably what bothers her about it. Bring your own lunch like a big boy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 May I ask why you don't just come to work with your own snacks so you're not interrupting your work BOTH by begging snacks AND eating them? You could cut the irritation in half by not being a mooch. It's office slackery and that's probably what bothers her about it. Bring your own lunch like a big boy. Agreed. U sound like a little kid asking for candy all the time. Bring ur own. This might be why she treats u like a child, since it acting like one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightly Posted August 9, 2018 Author Share Posted August 9, 2018 Agreed. U sound like a little kid asking for candy all the time. Bring ur own. This might be why she treats u like a child, since it acting like one. She asks me to buy her things all the time, so why when i ask others or others offer me to it’s a problem i feel like she’s a hypocrite Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightly Posted August 9, 2018 Author Share Posted August 9, 2018 She asks me to ask the people that give me candy for some to give to her which is what i don’t get ... she asks me for candy and sometimi do bring me own snacks but sometimes i don’t at my job we share snacks a lot but i barely being my own Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 Well, then tell her that. Say, "Why you giving me a hard time when you ask me to get snacks for you from them?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightly Posted August 9, 2018 Author Share Posted August 9, 2018 Well i have once and her response was you’re so popular with getting things from people and you know everyone with snacks , that’s why I’m confused you want me to ask others for things Like i said i feel as though she’s a hypocrite Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 I too find it distasteful that you ask people for things. I could never in a million years ask somebody to buy me something when we go out. Asking for a piece of gum occasionally -- less than once per month -- is fine but all the time, just yuck. That said, if the people giving you these things are OK with it, who cares what I think or what your co-worker thinks? Carry on. As for your interactions with her, she is probably a tad jealous because you have an easy way with people & appear more popular to her. Cut her off if you like but it would be kinder to treat her with more compassion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 Bring your own snacks and stop trying to get snacks from others. Yes, it's good to buy people drinks, but don't ask them to buy drinks in return. If they don't pay for drinks 1:1, stop buying for them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightly Posted August 9, 2018 Author Share Posted August 9, 2018 Bring your own snacks and stop trying to get snacks from others. Yes, it's good to buy people drinks, but don't ask them to buy drinks in return. If they don't pay for drinks 1:1, stop buying for them. Okay i will , but why does she do that to me i buy her things or she’ll ask me will i buy her a snack on break... but i never complain Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightly Posted August 9, 2018 Author Share Posted August 9, 2018 I too find it distasteful that you ask people for things. I could never in a million years ask somebody to buy me something when we go out. Asking for a piece of gum occasionally -- less than once per month -- is fine but all the time, just yuck. That said, if the people giving you these things are OK with it, who cares what I think or what your co-worker thinks? Carry on. As for your interactions with her, she is probably a tad jealous because you have an easy way with people & appear more popular to her. Cut her off if you like but it would be kinder to treat her with more compassion. I had compassion towards her. I just don’t understand that sometimes she do what i do and i never act like she does or tell her to stop asking me to buy her things. And i don’t like how she tells me she’s going to bring her husband over my house and give him my number and she tells people this Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 If she's telling people that she will bring her husband to your house & that she will give her husband your telephone # she sounds like somebody you should best avoid. Be professional but that is about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightly Posted August 9, 2018 Author Share Posted August 9, 2018 If she's telling people that she will bring her husband to your house & that she will give her husband your telephone # she sounds like somebody you should best avoid. Be professional but that is about it. Yes her husband found me attractive when i met him. And ever since then she calls me and puts him on the end of the line and he will flirt with me in her presence and i told her I’ve felt uncomfortable. Or she will just ask me do i want him to come over. I feel like I’m being out in the middle of her relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 This all sounds a bit dodgy to me. It sounds like she's tapping you up for a 3-some Buy your own food & drink for work and paddle your own canoe. Act like an adult and stop getting involved in her dramas by stopping interacting with her. If she asks what the matter is, tell her you're there to work not to chat and walk away. She'll get the message. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 I had compassion towards her. I just don’t understand that sometimes she do what i do and i never act like she does or tell her to stop asking me to buy her things. And i don’t like how she tells me she’s going to bring her husband over my house and give him my number and she tells people this Why? What else is going on that you havn't mentioned? I don't think this is about snacks. Seems to me like some boundaries have been crossed and maybe she thinks she has the upper hand because you crossed them. Spit out what actually happened. No one threatens to have their husband sic'd on you about snacks. It's got to be about flirting or harassment. If you had a legit complaint about her, like, her threatening you with her husband, and if you had nothing to do with why, then you'd have already complained to the management. So what did you do to get this woman worked up? Spit it out and we will give you our best advice. Right now, it's stop acting like a kid and be professional -- and nothing more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightly Posted August 9, 2018 Author Share Posted August 9, 2018 Why? What else is going on that you havn't mentioned? I don't think this is about snacks. Seems to me like some boundaries have been crossed and maybe she thinks she has the upper hand because you crossed them. Spit out what actually happened. No one threatens to have their husband sic'd on you about snacks. It's got to be about flirting or harassment. If you had a legit complaint about her, like, her threatening you with her husband, and if you had nothing to do with why, then you'd have already complained to the management. So what did you do to get this woman worked up? Spit it out and we will give you our best advice. Right now, it's stop acting like a kid and be professional -- and nothing more. Well for starters Like i said she told me her husband found me attractive and i feel like that caused her to be jealous of me (might not be the case here) she told me her husband and her were going through problems and he was leaving her. Her husband asks her about a me a lot from what she has told me. He asked was i single and he asks to come over my apartment. She will call me sometimes and says “my husband wants to talk to you” and she’ll give him the phone so we can talk I mentioned to her once before this made me u comfortable and she stopped.but she tells other people (coworkers) her husband wants me and he asks to come see me or she will tell people her husband and her are coming over my apartment I don’t like her doing that because she portrays it like I’m interested in him. Shes very controlling from what I’ve seen for example I’ll say “Angela looks smaller i wonder is she loosing weight” and my friend will say “why are you worried about her size that’s her business” or I’ll say “that guy is never doing his work and we pay for it “ she’ll say “that’s his business as long as he has a job ... stop worrying about other people” Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightly Posted August 9, 2018 Author Share Posted August 9, 2018 People are kind to me at work and give me gum or candy and sometimes when i have snacks I’ll share with my coworkers but when i ask do they have fun/a small piece of candy she tells me I’m begging for peoples **** and to stop it. She asks me do i have gum or candy by i never complain because i don’t mind sharing my things especially with my friends who always share with me. She asks me sometimes did i bring my money to work because it’s my turn to buy snacks for that particular day. But i don’t thinks it’s fair that i don’t complain and she gets to about the same thing that she’s doing Now i admit she doesn’t ask for things as frequent as i do but she asks for things Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 Well for starters Like i said she told me her husband found me attractive and i feel like that caused her to be jealous of me (might not be the case here) she told me her husband and her were going through problems and he was leaving her. Her husband asks her about a me a lot from what she has told me. He asked was i single and he asks to come over my apartment. She will call me sometimes and says “my husband wants to talk to you” and she’ll give him the phone so we can talk I mentioned to her once before this made me u comfortable and she stopped.but she tells other people (coworkers) her husband wants me and he asks to come see me or she will tell people her husband and her are coming over my apartment I don’t like her doing that because she portrays it like I’m interested in him. Shes very controlling from what I’ve seen for example I’ll say “Angela looks smaller i wonder is she loosing weight” and my friend will say “why are you worried about her size that’s her business” or I’ll say “that guy is never doing his work and we pay for it “ she’ll say “that’s his business as long as he has a job ... stop worrying about other people” Okay. What she is telling coworkers about her husband wanting to see you is very out of line. I'm glad she shut up about it to you, but talking to other employees about it is even worse! Look, I can tell you are afraid to do anything about this, but unless your manager or her boss are as bad as her, you ought to tell them what is going on and how you asked her to stop, but then all she did was start telling other people. Seriously, she could get in a lot of trouble for that, and she should! I support you on that. When you tell the manager, you need to put it in writing. If you're more comfortable talking to the boss than writing, do both. Talk to him and then tell him, I've made an email I'll send you so you have this in writing. It needs to be documented. Honestly, at some companies, just talking to them about a problem doesn't work if they don't want to do anything, but once you put it in writing and send it to them (and copy Human Resources if you have that), they sort of have to do something. Now, if you have flirted with her husband, then you need to tell us, because that is a different thing. Meanwhile, stop talking to her when you have a choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightly Posted August 10, 2018 Author Share Posted August 10, 2018 Okay. What she is telling coworkers about her husband wanting to see you is very out of line. I'm glad she shut up about it to you, but talking to other employees about it is even worse! Look, I can tell you are afraid to do anything about this, but unless your manager or her boss are as bad as her, you ought to tell them what is going on and how you asked her to stop, but then all she did was start telling other people. Seriously, she could get in a lot of trouble for that, and she should! I support you on that. When you tell the manager, you need to put it in writing. If you're more comfortable talking to the boss than writing, do both. Talk to him and then tell him, I've made an email I'll send you so you have this in writing. It needs to be documented. Honestly, at some companies, just talking to them about a problem doesn't work if they don't want to do anything, but once you put it in writing and send it to them (and copy Human Resources if you have that), they sort of have to do something. Now, if you have flirted with her husband, then you need to tell us, because that is a different thing. Meanwhile, stop talking to her when you have a choice. I have tried to stop talking to her and she will follow me in another break room. It’s hard!! And no i haven’t flirted with her husband and the first time she called me with him on the phone all she said was “i have someone who wants to talk to you” i asked her who was it and she never answered , she gave him the phone and he started talking to me She use to ask me did i want her husband and i told her “no” everytime... She started asking me did i want this guy we work with(s) number and now she’s trying to hook me up with him ... I’m tired of her and I’m trying not to be mean but i don’t know what else to do that’s why i came here Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 OK, so you can't be blamed for this, so you need to tell the manager or boss she's going around doing this to you and the other employees. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightly Posted August 10, 2018 Author Share Posted August 10, 2018 https://imgur.com/a/YN0UEqd IÂ’m not sure if weÂ’re allowed to post photos on this site. But this is a screenshot of me and her texting one another. IÂ’m the green messages. So basically what happened was she invited a guy to Olive Garden with us because she assumed i was interested... he didnÂ’t come and this is what the text looked like I told her i didn’t like him and she replied “so what” Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Is she trying to hook you up? I mean, fine, but this business about her husband is not cool. None of it. Her telling other people that stuff is not right. I don't think your boss would be able to make anything just of that text alone, because it's hard to even tell what it's about just looking at it. You need to put a stop to it. If you would rather tell her to totally stop and not to tell other people at work this stuff first, then feel free. Me, I don't like a confrontation and would tell the boss. Probably he's going to give her a general talking to and not even point to you so much about it, like maybe, "You're gossiping too much." Link to post Share on other sites
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