Texting / Chatting wth Other Women

[Gaeta]

If you spend 4 nights a week over there why do you need daily texting? Could it be she is growing annoyed at your need for attention? Instead of texting her why don't you just give her a quick call before bed on the days you are not together?

 

 

BF and I have never texted and I still feel very connected and close to him. On the days we don't see each other he gives me a quick call to say good night. We both go about our days, why would I need to get a text from him when I am working?

[brigit87]

If you spend 4 nights a week over there why do you need daily texting? Could it be she is growing annoyed at your need for attention? Instead of texting her why don't you just give her a quick call before bed on the days you are not together?

 

 

BF and I have never texted and I still feel very connected and close to him. On the days we don't see each other he gives me a quick call to say good night. We both go about our days, why would I need to get a text from him when I am working?

 

Totally agree.

 

Stop texting it's silly.

[guest569]

Honestly I tend to think this is more the situation. I also tend to give about 5 second chances before I realize I am an idiot LOL

 

We have talked about some of my concerns: I had lightly mentioned the texting a while back (more sarcasm really) and just recently addressed feeling ignored. I did not mention the part about ignoring my problem - I was certainly going to but shortly after my boss put the changes and decisions in perspective for me. When I shared this update with her it was much more of a conversation.

 

Aside from the texting, all has happened in the last 3-4 weeks.

 

I think that you should talk to her about it more. My ex used to either respond with silence or switch topic to himself and it frustrated me and made me feel shut down. I told him that and he said its because he has always been shy and doesn't know what to say sometimes or is slow to keep up with the conversation. But he was aware then when he was doing it and worked on it. Our communication improved quickly. It can definitely be improved if she sees it as an issue too and wants to.

 

Same with the texting. Tell her what you feel. Compare expectations and see if it can be improved, can you meet halfway, or do you change your expectations, or is it not working.

 

Your partner is not meeting your needs and instead of addressing that, you go to friends or exes to fill the gaps. Why? Do you think that your relationship can improve or are you giving up? Are there other issues and concerns?

[Mr. Lucky]

We both have homes, teenage kids, jobs and family obligations plus her ex is not in the picture so she has her kid full time where I have mine 50% - she has more on her plate than I do.

 

Given the existing demands of her life, have you thought about whether your expectations are a positive for the relationship?

 

Mr. Lucky

[BluesPower]

I am going to take a little different tact...

 

I had this once with Current GF, and while we are older, I have had some of the same issues to an extent.

 

Now we all know that most women need a LOT of emotional support, no offense girls...

 

But My GF was in this mode until I put a stop to it. It would be the "how was your day...oh guess what happened at work today..." type of thing.

 

At one point I said, hey enough about you, lets talk about me. For her, she realized what she was doing, and has made adjustments.

 

For me, work has been really tough the last couple of months and I needed to talk to somebody about it, and yeah it bothered me when she seemed to not listen, but she understands better now.

 

But, not to sound like a girl, but men need emotional support as well, and while I actually like listening to her issues, I need that as well sometimes.

 

As far as exes... you know that is a bad idea. My GF, rightly so, would prefer that I never talk to any women that I have had sex with, it makes her nervous, and I get that.

 

Frankly, when exes sniff around, we all know what they want, it is better to not engage or put yourself in that position of having a bad day or a down time in the R and succumbing to the temptation, which I just will not do...

[FMW]

Sounds like you've talked to your GF about this, but maybe you need to try one more time and stress that it really is a serious issue for you. If she doesn't know, tell her you are texting with other women to fill that need. That should drive the point home to her.

 

Maybe she isn't capable of meeting your needs in this area, no fault of yours or hers. People have different communication needs and styles.

[Malin889]

Tonight was a classic: we actually have some decent texting throughout the day. Early in the evening she tells me that she is at her daughters dr appt and is in the waiting room. I ask how things are going. Then....nothing for 2.5 hours.

 

It's as if she makes conversation then lets it drop. So annoying!

 

Are you bitter because of this? Maybe it’s just because she’s busy with her kids. Sounds like the doctors got busy. Isn’t it better that she’s not glued to her phone all the time?

 

But in all seriousness, if the conversation is lacking, then find different things to talk about. If it’s still lacking, talk to her about it. She is probably feeling the same way as you.

[NuevoYorko]

Tonight was a classic: we actually have some decent texting throughout the day. Early in the evening she tells me that she is at her daughters dr appt and is in the waiting room. I ask how things are going. Then....nothing for 2.5 hours.

 

It's as if she makes conversation then lets it drop. So annoying!

 

I'm old, but the idea that a person is supposed to remain in contact regularly throughout the day and a lapse of 2.5 hours would be an opening for my SO to seek "fulfillment" outside of our relationship - I just can't wrap my head around.

 

Aside from that mind boggling aspect, I think it's fine to be friends with people of the opposite sex whether they be an ex or whatever as long as your SO is also their friend.

 

Looking to others to fill a void in your relationship is destructive to the relationship. Either address the void with your partner or free yourself.

[Otter2569]

I'm old, but the idea that a person is supposed to remain in contact regularly throughout the day and a lapse of 2.5 hours would be an opening for my SO to seek "fulfillment" outside of our relationship - I just can't wrap my head around.

 

For the record I do not expect, not do I want, constant communication. Esp during the work day.

 

SHE initiates conversation AFTER work, I respond and then SHE drops out. I'm talking like one liners: "How was your day?" I respond and ask about hers....nothing or most recently she texts that shes waiting in the Dr Office. I ask how its going...nothing for 2.5 hrs.

 

Maybe I am old fashioned but I always try to respond with something: "Talking to Dr. TTYS" or "running out now TTYL", "Call you later"... Just feels inconsiderate to me. Oh, well it could certainly be worse

[guest569]

For the record I do not expect, not do I want, constant communication. Esp during the work day.

 

SHE initiates conversation AFTER work, I respond and then SHE drops out. I'm talking like one liners: "How was your day?" I respond and ask about hers....nothing or most recently she texts that shes waiting in the Dr Office. I ask how its going...nothing for 2.5 hrs.

 

Maybe I am old fashioned but I always try to respond with something: "Talking to Dr. TTYS" or "running out now TTYL", "Call you later"... Just feels inconsiderate to me. Oh, well it could certainly be worse

 

Yes, I can see where you are coming from. Personally, I don't tend to say 'talk to you later' I will simply drop off, I am not very polite at texting. But I think this is about much more than the texting - it applies to face to face conversations too. Her texts reflect how she interacts in person with you, and it can be very frustrating, I've been there! But I think it's worth talking more seriously about it and trying to improve things.