Stupid lie before relationship

[aLu]

Hey,

 

I registered here because I have a problem that I would like to get your opinion on.

 

3 months before I met my current girlfriend, I brok up with my ex. However, during those 3 months, I kept seeing my ex. When I met my current girlfriend, I stopped all contact to my ex, however, I still had one of my ex's friends on Facebook and since I knew that friend would tell my ex everything I do on Facebook, I deactivated my account for a week.

 

During one of our first dates with my current girlfriend (before we were even in a relationship), she asked me why I deactivated my facebook. I said that I wanted to avoid some people. However, she wanted to know more precisely and kept asking.

I was surprised by that and panicked and reacted very poorly unfortunately.. I said that it's because a friend keeps texting me and I wanted to show that person that I'm not interested.

My current girlfriend also asked me for that friends name and I said the name of my ex's friend.

 

I'm really ashamed of myself that I told this lie, but I just didn't want to talk about my ex on one of our first dates.

I'm with my girlfriend now for 2 months and everything is going great! We see each other pretty much everyday and I've always been honest to her.

 

I forgot about the lie from the beginning, but a few days ago I remembered again and I started to feel really bad about it. I'm thinking of telling her, but I'm scared that she loses trust (even though she'd have absolutely no reason to).

 

Do you think I should tell her or do you think I should leave everything as it is?

I think that the lie was not really bad, but still... a lie is a lie.

[Gaeta]

OMG, you feel bad just for that?? Let it go!

 

 

 

I find your girlfriend a bit inquisitive, at that time it wasn't her business to ask why you took down your FB and certainly not her business to ask for a name, who she thinks she is to interrogate you like this!. She's your girlfriend not your priest.

[aLu]

Well the reason why she was asking was because at that time I was only in contact with her on FB. So when I deactivated my account, there was no way for us to have contact. The other reason why I deactivated the account was because things were happening too fast for me from cutting contact with my ex to seeing someone else, so I wanted to be left alone for some days.

 

But yes, asking for specific names etc... I was very surprised she did that, which is why I reacted so poorly unfortunately.

[preraph]

Look, if you really stopped seeing your ex, then the details shouldn't matter. Be sure your ex is blocked on everything of yours so she can't text or call or pop up on social media and mess up your relationships going forward. It's common sense. Block her and her friends on Facebook and other media too so they can't get snarky and also can't pass info back and forth, which just prolongs the situation. Just block them all and get back on Facebook if you want. Don't visit their social media spying on them or they can often tell.

 

So put up a Facebook with everyone blocked and then if you end up loving this new woman, put a photo of you two up on there. Change your status, etc.

 

Really, all she needed to know is you were avoiding someone. I don't see how anything further was really something you had to tell her. If you think that the ex or her friend will somehow get on your social media under a false ID and if you think that they are just dying to rat you out to the new woman, then do not get back on social media and let it die down for six months. By then, they won't know who you're seeing or anything.

[d0nnivain]

So you told a while lie. You can fess up now if you like but if your GF gets upset you should point out that she was inappropriately pushy about the whole subject which caused you to panic. Granted it would be better if you had more poise & some back bone but with age & experience (making mistakes) comes wisdom. Seriously, if somebody was pushing me that heard on an early date I would have roared back with some version of "Why are you so all-fired interested? I told you I deactivated my account because I was trying to avoid somebody. Why can't you leave it at that? I don't need an inquisition over here. Back off."

[Mr. Lucky]

Do you think I should tell her or do you think I should leave everything as it is?

 

As you've been advised, let it go. It's one of those social lies ("yes, that shirt looks great on you") that allows us some degree of civility - and none of her business...

 

Mr. Lucky

[MountainGirl111]

Like you say, she was being inquisitive because you deactivated a means to communicate with her. This is a test for you: Can you keep your cool when she asks questions? I'm not saying you should develop into a "smooth talker", but there are ways you can frame your words to explain things in a way she will understand and in a way you don't worry that you've lied. Anyways, I don't think it's a big deal myself. You said you were trying to avoid someone and that's the truth. I think you're more worried about disappointing her somehow and/or making a mistake and her getting ticked off.

[aLu]

Thanks for your replies! I'm feeling much better already.

I've been thinking about it during these last days and it's true that my bad reaction was due to a lack of experience in handling these kind of situations. The best thing I can do is to learn from it and handle it better next time.

I think I'll follow your advice to just let it go, but maybe I'll even tell my girlfriend about it. I think this wasn't a really bad lie and I even have kind of a reasonable explanation for it, so I doubt my girlfriend is going to make a big deal out of it.

 

No matter how I will decide... I'm gonna learn from this experience. Actually, I'm happy that this happened to me over a small lie like this, so that there won't be any major consequences.

I'll just never do it again