Mybfisclingwrap Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 My boyfriend and I have lived and been together for 5 years. I’m currently not woring due to an injury so I’m home with our dog all the time. He works 11 hour days but we spend every morning and evening together and mostly two days off together, but always one at least. He gets upset that I don’t want to go visit him on his break everyday since Work is close, and constantly calls and says he misses us (me and the dog) and gets upset that I don’t want to go every single day. I have to take care of her and take her on walks, laundry dinner errands etc. he thinks it’s not fair and just wants to see us. Am I wrong for thinking he’s too needy and clingy and it’s wrong of him to make me feel guilty for not wanting to go every single day to visit? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 How long he's been like this? Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 Yes, that's clingy. For goodness sakes you are recovering from an injury. You don't need any pressure right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 If you are injured you should not be doing all of that anyway. You should be resting. When can you go back to work? For the sake of keeping the peace, try to go see him at least once a week if you can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
brigit87 Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 My boyfriend and I have lived and been together for 5 years. I’m currently not woring due to an injury so I’m home with our dog all the time. He works 11 hour days but we spend every morning and evening together and mostly two days off together, but always one at least. He gets upset that I don’t want to go visit him on his break everyday since Work is close, and constantly calls and says he misses us (me and the dog) and gets upset that I don’t want to go every single day. I have to take care of her and take her on walks, laundry dinner errands etc. he thinks it’s not fair and just wants to see us. Am I wrong for thinking he’s too needy and clingy and it’s wrong of him to make me feel guilty for not wanting to go every single day to visit? He's a little clingy but you've been with him for five years so you must like his behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 He's clingy alright. Tell him no, that you're comfortable where you are and then do what D0nnivain said and make him feel good and go on break once a week. Get back to work and nowhere close to his work as soon as possible. Pet your dog for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 Here's an idea: Since you're the one recovering from injury, and since his workplace is close by, why doesn't he come home for lunch on his break? He can bring you treats, even. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 Am I wrong for thinking he’s too needy and clingy and it’s wrong of him to make me feel guilty for not wanting to go every single day to visit? No you're not wrong for thinking he's too needy, and he's not wrong for wanting to be with you all the time. It's a matter of different strokes for different folks. He's probably of the "anxious insecure clingy" personality type and you're either secure or avoidant in your personality. Whether things work out with the two of you long term has nothing to do with right or wrong and everything to do with how accepting you are of each other's personality characteristics and insecurities. Doesn't seem to be looking very good from what you've written here and more importantly how you've written it including the comparison to clingy plastic wrap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 You've made it this far, but I think you need to have a conversation and then both of you compromise. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 You should try to figure out where he's coming from. Is he insecure in the relationship, unsure of your feelings for him? Need constant reassurance of your commitment to him? That's clingy. There is also the possibility that the 11 hour work shifts are psychologically difficult and the work is stressful, and he's found your visit to be a source of comfort in that environment and helps him make it through the shift. That's a different kind of need. Link to post Share on other sites
Doost Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Try using reverse psychology Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 it’s wrong of him to make me feel guilty for not wanting to go every single day to visit? I'd be exhausted from these kinds of demands and the follow-up whining. Time for a frank conversation with him... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
brigit87 Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 I'd be exhausted from these kinds of demands and the follow-up whining. Time for a frank conversation with him... Mr. Lucky Or, she can look at the situation in a different way. He wants to spend time with her. That's sweet. If she has an injury maybe she could tell him she's having a hard time getting around and can he order in lunch for her. Then tell him to stop off after work and pick up something for dinner. IDK. I don't really see the problem it's more of a refocusing issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 He wants to spend time with her. That's sweet. I get that different people look at things different ways. I don't see you expecting me to visit you every single day at work and then getting upset over my reluctance as sweet... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 She's got to make sure he thoroughly understands that that is his preference, not hers. By demanding it, he's not giving what she wants any weight, but it may be that she hasnt' been honest enough about him with it and let him think it's fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 He can bring you treats, even. Are you referring to her or the dog? Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 Is he unhappy in his job? I kinda feel sorry for him, sounds like he is working long days in a job where he is unhappy and lonely. It seems a bit selfish of him to expect you to come in and see him though when you're injured, why can't he go home for his breaks? I think there are probably deeper issues here though, others mentioned he might be feeling insecure. Got any ideas? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 Seems this was a one post drive by, if the thread starter returns and would like the thread reopened then alert on my post and let us know, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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