Fear of seeing ex is stopping me from getting 'out and about'

[CKJD]

I've been exercising by jogging in my area. I've taken up study online. I have these two positives that have helped me feel better about myself, but I need to do more socially.

 

The problem is my last relationship has left me pretty scarred and I feel very anxious about going out on weekends, day or night.

 

I keep thinking I will see her with somebody else and it will bring me back to square one. I know I need to get on top of this fear, but I am struggling. It's hard enough seeing her at work sometimes but it is getting easiser. I just don't want to see the inevitible 'surprise' of her with somebody else any time soon.

Edited August 11, 2018 by CKJD

[Mr. Lucky]

I've been exercising by jogging in my area. I've talen up study online. I have these two positives that have helped me feel better about myself.

 

The problem is my last relationship has left me pretty scarred and I feel very anxious about going out.

 

I keep thinking I will see her with somebody else and it will bring me back to square one. I know I need to get on top of this fear, but I am struggling.

 

Boy, if you live in a major city, the odds do not support this happening. You might compensate by varying your routine and going to different places and parts of town than you did with her.

 

Time will eventually fix this...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Soak]

Yeah, I think if you're in a larger city, this will greatly reduce the likelihood of running in to her.

 

Some things to be mindful of:

 

1. Don't hang out where you two used to hang out. Discover some new places and give those old places a rest for now.

 

2. If it's really an issue and is involved with your work etc, you should consider a move. It won't be forever and some time and distance will work wonders.

 

3. And most importantly, in no time at all, you won't even worry about bumping in to her... In the meantime, if it is stressing you out big time, change your habits and go and see new places. It will all work out in the long run, you will see

[d0nnivain]

I live in a pretty small town. If you avoid the places you went together, the odds that you will see each other decrease. In my mind I was also able to characterize certain places as mine or his & I just avoided his places. Sometimes I can't so I gird myself to see him. For example, one of my EXs teaches at my alma mater. Sometimes I have to go back there for work reasons; I never go back for the social things like reunions because I consider school as "his." But when I do go, I make a point to dress up & steal myself for his presence. For the most part it works. All these years later it's not so bad.