Is it stupid to say marriage is what you want when you're in high school?

[Dodgersfan11]

I'm in my mid 30's, anyway when I was like a senior in high school I told my parents that I wanted marriage-I didn't have a boyfriend or anything, just thought that it was important for me to find someone and settle down like later down the road. They told me it was stupid, and told me that I was probably going to marry a loser. Well, here I am at 36, single, no man, no kids, no relationship , never married, all my relationships have failed, just because they instilled that "studying" and "working" are the most important things in life. I think finding a partner is important, I mean, isn't it? someone to support you, etc, etc, well, they must be happy now, because I'll probably die alone in a some nursery home and no one is going to claim my body.

[WhatYouWantToHear]

1. It's more naive to say marriage is what you want in high school than stupidity.

 

2. Finding a partner is as important as you think it is. Of course if you want marriage and kids it's imperative.

 

3. Women live longer than men. So, the odds are you'll die alone in a nursery home regardless of ever marrying.

 

4. Who cares who claims your body? Over 99.9% of the time you're dead and don't care at that point.

 

5. I think you need to find something that makes you happy. Not something you hope will make you happy, but something that actually does. Join a local club, take up a sport, find happiness and quit regretting things you don't have that you're not even certain would actually bring you happiness.

[d0nnivain]

It's not stupid. Getting married is the norm so you were going with the averages.

 

The damage was done by parents who said such terrible things to a kid. Intellectually I'm sure you know that your parents are neither psychic or right all the time. Emotionally, that statement left scars & has made you afraid of relationships. If you can't jettison the warped thoughts your parents planted in your head by yourself get some therapy. You are not crazy; you just need a little help. If you sprained your ankle you'd see a doctor & get physical therapy. It's kind of the same thing only the injury is to your spirit not your body.

[somanymistakes]

Not stupid, no.

 

Saying you're sure about anything in your life, when you're in high school, is often a little naive. Your perspective is so limited then. You have probably only seen a few ways of living, and come up with your own idea of what's "normal" out of that. But you may be way off base. A lot of people raised in strict religions, for example, make big choices early in life because they think that's the only thing they're supposed to / allowed to do. Then in their twenties many of them realise they've made big mistakes, and when they start deciding for themselves, they have a mess to untangle.

 

Telling you not to tie yourself down too quickly would be your parents trying to give you more options.

 

Telling you that you're stupid and that you'll marry a loser is your parents being just plain mean. That wasn't appropriate of them.

 

However, you've been out from under your parents' roof for a long time, haven't you? Like the religious kids, you've had many years to change your mind and decide on your own priorities. I don't think it's fair to say that it's 100% because of your parents that you aren't married now. You have HAD relationships, haven't you? You just haven't had the RIGHT one yet.

 

If you want to put more priority on finding a companion, do that! They can't stop you now, can they?

[Springsummer]

Not stupid. maybe even wise. I wish I could be that stupid in high school.

 

BUT, you can't blame your parents though, because you have tried and failed all your relationships. so it's on you.

[Happy Lemming]

I think finding a partner is important, I mean, isn't it?

 

I never married and will never marry. I'm quite content with my life and the adventures I've had. And it ain't over yet, plenty of items on my "bucket list" and I plan on doing them all (with or without someone). What was important to me was being independent and not worrying about if/when a spouse would leave me. A lot of married individuals are blind sided when their spouse just gets up and leaves their life. And a lot of people are miserable with their spouse, but can't leave because they have no way of financially supporting themselves. Your parents instilled a powerful survival tool in you, independence.

 

...I'll probably die alone in a some nursery home and no one is going to claim my body.

 

Personally, I don't care what happens to the shell, that is my body, when I die. I will leave instructions to a trustee or attorney to dispose of it the cheapest legal way possible and liquidate any remaining assets that I have. There are many charities that I like and want them to have the most money possible from my estate.

 

Just my two cents...

[preraph]

They just knew that you were too young to even know what options were out there in life as well as in men, so they didn't want you to be one of those desperate girls who marries the first loser who comes along and gets saddled with him for life by getting pregnant, that's all.

 

It's not unusual for you to think you know what you want at that age in some vague way. Like I remember telling my parents I was going to be a "bachelor," and by God, here I am being a bachelor at 65. See, back then the female version of "bachelor" was "old maid," but I had a modern mindset, so I wasn't viewing it that way. I was thinking more of like being one of the Rat Pack like Dean Martin, only female. My dad's answer to that was, Promise me you won't get married until you're at least 27. I promised without hesitation. No problemo!

 

So yeah, sometimes we know what we want at that age on some level, but again, it takes some years of experience and some age on you to really see your options and choose a life path and mature into your own person so that you can choose a proper mate if that's what you want. My high school self only thought I had three options for employment (which was true at the time) but got lucky and was able to follow my dream, which I never would have been able to do if I'd had gotten married and had kids with a high school boyfriend, which wouldn't have lasted anyway.

[Mysterio]

When I was in high school. All I cared about getting out of High School.

 

Marriage I think to really work. Get past age 27. That way you have a lot of time be in the real world. It also won't be a rush job of hormones to get married/have kids. It should be a well thought out solution.

[Els]

Are you seriously 36 and still blaming your parents for your lack of partner? Barring SEVERE issues like abuse (physical/sexual), you are way past the age where your parents are responsible for anything that is going on in your life at the moment. Most of us didn't learn relationship skills from our parents - we learned on our own through our mistakes.

 

I'm younger than you and I can't even imagine playing the victim with "what my parents taught me" at this age, jesus christ. If I had lived life the way my parents wanted me to, I'd be miserable right now instead of living the life of my dreams... and you know what? That would've been my own damn fault, for making the choice to do so.

 

Take ownership over your own life already. You REALLY don't want to be 60 and still blaming mum and dad.

Edited August 13, 2018 by Elswyth

[Gaeta]

I'm in my mid 30's, anyway when I was like a senior in high school I told my parents that I wanted marriage-I didn't have a boyfriend or anything, just thought that it was important for me to find someone and settle down like later down the road. They told me it was stupid, and told me that I was probably going to marry a loser. Well, here I am at 36, single, no man, no kids, no relationship , never married, all my relationships have failed, just because they instilled that "studying" and "working" are the most important things in life. I think finding a partner is important, I mean, isn't it? someone to support you, etc, etc, well, they must be happy now, because I'll probably die alone in a some nursery home and no one is going to claim my body.

 

 

You have another 50 years ahead of you, I think it's rushed to say you will spend the rest of your life alone. People find love at any age, my grand-mother remarried at 75 and she called him the love of her life.

 

 

 

Why have your past relationships failed?

[Mr. Lucky]

Well, here I am at 36, single, no man, no kids, no relationship , never married, all my relationships have failed, just because they instilled that "studying" and "working" are the most important things in life.

 

Why are "studying" and "working" mutually exclusive with finding a partner? I know lots of educated and industrious folks in satisfying relationships and marriages, often with partners of similar priorities.

 

You'll make more progress when you place less blame on your parents...

 

Mr. Lucky

[PRW]

I'm in my mid 30's, anyway when I was like a senior in high school I told my parents that I wanted marriage-I didn't have a boyfriend or anything, just thought that it was important for me to find someone and settle down like later down the road. They told me it was stupid, and told me that I was probably going to marry a loser. Well, here I am at 36, single, no man, no kids, no relationship , never married, all my relationships have failed, just because they instilled that "studying" and "working" are the most important things in life. I think finding a partner is important, I mean, isn't it? someone to support you, etc, etc, well, they must be happy now, because I'll probably die alone in a some nursery home and no one is going to claim my body.

There is nothing wrong with what you wanted and you sound far wiser than your parents. Our society is antagonistic towards marriage and a solid nuclear family, and it seems your parents are caught up in that. It seems making money is more important than making people to them now. But apparently they didn't think that 37 years ago. Anyway, you can't sit around blaming the past, tomorrow is a new day. Start moving your life in the direction you want to go. You don't need permission from anyone or their blessing. There are a lot of men in your age group that fell for the same "line" and are in the same boat as you,...find them.

[No_Go]

LOL my grandma would always tell me I will be successful in life, or if I fail, I'll get married. It sticked to me ever since (this was in high school and earlier).

 

Generally females in my family all were very open that they got married just because it was the social norm and they wanted to have children.

 

Thinking back, maybe it held me back (I went on my first date at 27.5 after moving to a different continent from them) but I am very grateful things went that way - I'd have never been that self-sufficient if I grew up with 'traditional female values' and I have had no problems with finding relationships after the time that I started wanting it, so I lost nothing but gained a lot:)

 

Ah, also I think at 36 you're a little far from nursery home - you have time to be wifey all you want:) I know people with 2-3 marriages all happened after your age.

 

I'm in my mid 30's, anyway when I was like a senior in high school I told my parents that I wanted marriage-I didn't have a boyfriend or anything, just thought that it was important for me to find someone and settle down like later down the road. They told me it was stupid, and told me that I was probably going to marry a loser. Well, here I am at 36, single, no man, no kids, no relationship , never married, all my relationships have failed, just because they instilled that "studying" and "working" are the most important things in life. I think finding a partner is important, I mean, isn't it? someone to support you, etc, etc, well, they must be happy now, because I'll probably die alone in a some nursery home and no one is going to claim my body.

[Normm]

It's unlikely that you are single at 36 with no partner because of your parents.