Anecdote about a 'long delay'

[nospam99]

TL/DR - A new dating partner surprised me with a delayed positive response.

 

I've been on LS about a year. I didn't start out looking for dating advice. But having been 'out of the game' for 35 years, I have ended up asking for advice, receiving advice, and reading other people's (mostly 'youngsters') threads and seeing the advice they got.

 

I'm meeting women via OLD. One of the 'roolz' I have assimilated is that it's important to gauge the other party's interest and that one way to do that is to assess how long it takes for them to initiate the 'next' communication transaction. So I have a little story about my latest 'adventure' ....

 

She 'Liked' me on Match - equivalent to a swipe right. FWIW she is the first Like who I'd have been interested in (other Likes I've received are undesirable for geographic, age, common interest, or attractiveness reasons). We bounced texts and phone calls back and forth and agreed to meet AND share a meal (We both acknowledged we were breaking the short and cheap parts of the 'short, cheap, and public' rule but justified it because she was coming straight from work and we were meeting at meal time.) this past Thursday. Conversation flowed but it was mostly friendly small talk: family, work, superficial stuff about our pasts. We had already established that we have LOTs of common interests in recreational activities. She gave me no body language cues that I noticed but accepted a hand hold as I walked her to her car. I told her I was interested in seeing her again. I had recently been mildly scolded in another thread here about not 'hard selling' or 'pressuring' at a first meeting by explicitly asking for a date, the idea being, as I understand it, to not force a 'yes' response that the woman turns to a 'no' as soon as the guy is not 'in her face'. So I half broke that rule by telling her I'd send a message about a date.

 

When I got home, still Thursday evening, I sent a message confirming my interest in seeing her and suggesting two date ideas that involved activities that we had previously discovered we both enjoyed. She read that message the same evening. The communication pattern we had previously established was that we both immediately responded to messages from each other. Thursday night she didn't respond. I assumed she was not interested and I was a bit annoyed that I thought she was ghosting. But way worse things happen on OLD so I figured I'd move on. Then Friday after work she sent a message apologizing for the delay (work), agreeing she'd like to keep seeing me, saying that my ideas would be difficult to schedule quickly (certainly true), and suggesting a counter-proposal of meeting for dinner again early next week. I haven't responded yet because I'VE been busy. But I will respond later today and my response will be positive. I'm actually going to suggest that we totally 'go to the phones' now that we've established a mutual interest in continuing to date.

 

So the point of this little story is that I read her 'wrong'. When she didn't respond 'quickly', I thought she wasn't interested. Frankly, some of that expectation on my part was a result of advice I'd read in other threads here on LS. I'm not going to post a bunch of 'give him/her more time' responses on other threads. But I'll 'close' this post with that general advice: give him/her more time - sometimes it works.

[FMW]

Thanks for sharing your experience!

 

I generally don't apply the "youngsters" rules to my situation - I'm 53 and although there are basic general relationship similarities, it's just a different ballgame. Different expectations (most "mature" people are not looking for marriage necessarily, there are no criteria based on who would be a good parent, etc.) and obviously life experience has changed our views of how things should go.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Thanks for sharing your experience!

 

I generally don't apply the "youngsters" rules to my situation - I'm 53 and although there are basic general relationship similarities, it's just a different ballgame. Different expectations (most "mature" people are not looking for marriage necessarily, there are no criteria based on who would be a good parent, etc.) and obviously life experience has changed our views of how things should go.

 

And older folks are legitimately usually busy! Sometimes busyness is not just an excuse .

 

Sounds promising, NS .

[Lotsgoingon]

Social rules never apply 100 percent of the time--and it's the underlying principle that matters.

 

Now the bad news: There's nothing here that contradicts these rules:

 

Interest leads to fast and enthusiastic response.

 

&

 

Disinterest delays texts--not supervisors, customers, computer malfunctions or traffic or a call from mother.

 

She has only agreed to go out on a second date. There are tons of second dates that go absolutely nowhere.

 

So I'm not sure why you're crowing. I wish you good luck, but the truth is there's a very good chance she delayed her response because she had to convince herself to say yes.

 

Update us when you get further along. Saving your crowing for getting further along. Nothing here contradicts the LS rules.