Author bill138 Posted October 18, 2018 Author Share Posted October 18, 2018 update hey guys, thought id shoot a quick update. So the process server has called her and she ignored her calls and even blocked her number. Then they showed up at her job and she sent her supervisor down to throw her out of the building! My lawyers next step is to get the sherriff to try and if that doesnt work. a public announcement. What im so confused about is she did all this and we have no kids. Why in the hell is she actively avoiding being served? I filed over a month ago and have moved on with my life. What purpose can she possibly have by avoiding being served. She has her douchebag boyfriend and her own life. she has not made any attempts to contact me nor i her. What am i missing here? Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Hi Bill, your stbx wife's BF may have ditched her and so she is keeping her options open. She may be thinking that after a cooling off period she will storm back into your life and you will be overjoyed to have her back. There seems to be no other reason for her to stall being served. What about an exparte decision by the court? Can that happen? Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 update hey guys, thought id shoot a quick update. So the process server has called her and she ignored her calls and even blocked her number. Then they showed up at her job and she sent her supervisor down to throw her out of the building! My lawyers next step is to get the sherriff to try and if that doesnt work. a public announcement. What im so confused about is she did all this and we have no kids. Why in the hell is she actively avoiding being served? I filed over a month ago and have moved on with my life. What purpose can she possibly have by avoiding being served. She has her douchebag boyfriend and her own life. she has not made any attempts to contact me nor i her. What am i missing here? You're missing nothing...this response to being served breach of contract papers is typical for anything...collections, lawsuits, etc. That is the reason why they have process servers to begin with. It's par for the course. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bill138 Posted October 19, 2018 Author Share Posted October 19, 2018 Why avoid it? This was her decision to cheat and have an affair? What is there to gain? She has a new life without me. Why nit just get served and move on? Link to post Share on other sites
AussieDad Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Plain and simple she is a narcissist. Mine was the same at the start until reality came crashing down over her head. Be very careful as she will try and take you down with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 Why avoid it? This was her decision to cheat and have an affair? What is there to gain? She has a new life without me. Why nit just get served and move on? Because it's not under her control. That's who she is. Have the sheriffs office serve her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bill138 Posted October 21, 2018 Author Share Posted October 21, 2018 Thats what my lawyer did. Sherrif is attempting now. After all this time, im still so shocked by all this Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 Youll be fine. You need no contact and time. If not you'll linger in this a lot longer than you should. Link to post Share on other sites
Rotn'roses Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 You are her husband. Just go look and see where she is on the weekends. She IS your business, so make it so. Then you can know for sure. I could never accuse somebody unless I saw it with my own eyes. It just isnt right. You need proof. This is your wife. She should not mind that you want to know if she is ok and safe while you two are apart and if you go to check on her for both of your sakes, no one could blame you. At least witness it or hire someone to find out before accusing your wife. Suspicion is not enough. But her behavior is cruel. I can not imagine trying to wonder about where your spouse is after ten years of partnership and sharing a life. Lord have mercy. These are some terrible times. I hope your worst fears are not confirmed if you do attempt to get full disclosure on her weekend situation. It sucks that your marriage has come to this and I pray you find comfort during these trials. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bill138 Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 already comfronted om and exposed. She is now burying her head in the sand avoiding everything. She lied to him and me. I can never trust someone again.... Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 Hopefully you will be able to trust again when you meet someone worthy of trust. She lied and manipulated because she wanted to keep you on the side in case it doesn't work out with the OM. Let them have each other. Hopefully she is served and you can start repairing the damage she's has done to you. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bill138 Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 Thought id just post an update, Wife has avoided process servers and even had one thrown out of her building by her supervisor. She has also dodged the sherriff department and my lawyer documented all these attempts. Well, everything went for open notification and her attormey responded. Her attorney is telling my attormey that she does not want the divorce and has not asked for anything in return. On top of that, she also told her attorney that she didnt know I filed!! My lawyer then sent her attorney the documented proof of attempted service. Folks, I have moved on and I dont understand this game she is playing. I even contqcted my ex wife after almost 4 months of absolute no contact but she wont answer. I left voicemails and texts asking her why is she avoiding the divorce and what is it she wants from me?? Im back to thus damn emotional roller coaster. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 (edited) Her attorney is telling my attormey that she does not want the divorce Well, this would almost certainly be proof that she is aware of the divorce petition and can be used as evidence of service. Certainly her attorney has received it, and if she's not aware of it then why would she have an attorney at all? I'm sure your attorney knows this, and can file a motion to the court using deemed service. I left voicemails and texts asking her why is she avoiding the divorce and what is it she wants from me?? Im back to thus damn emotional roller coaster. If she is avoiding the petition then do you really think she'll respond to you? To do so would be to admit she is aware of the petition, which goes against her current game plan. No, if she is playing the avoiding service game then she would have to be incredibly stupid to respond to you. I don't understand why you're back on the emotional rollercoaster though? Nothing has changed. You still know with 100% certainty that she is not interested in fixing the marriage. The reason she is avoiding it (and you) could be absolutely anything, from medical insurance, life insurance beneficiary, tax benefits, religious reasons, personal, family, legal... who knows? And who cares? The fact is that it is 100% clear that the marriage is over, and now you should be doing everything you can to proceed with the divorce using deemed service or whatever other methods your attorney recommends. If it's taking longer than you'd like then tell your attorney you want the divorce to proceed ASAP and assuming she will avoid service at all costs, what is the best way to achieve that? Edited January 24, 2019 by PegNosePete 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bill138 Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 Its emotional because it brings old scars that have been healing right the heck up. She has her own insurance and financially our accounts have been seperated and hasnt received a red cent from me. Good point though about her being aware already. It also boggles my mind why in the hell she wants my complaint drop with no counter. My attorney is in contact with hers and is starting letters and I requested a mediation to find out just what in the hell she wants from me at this point as old scars and feelings have resurfaced... Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Bill your STBXWW thinks that she can walk back into your life whenever she wants to. The lifestyle you give her is better then what she has with the other man. Your safe, O/M isn't(you don't cheat and you honor boundaries, O/M has sex with other men's wives and doesn't give a sh*t about boundaries), that's her F/U reasons for avoiding divorce. I would bet money she reads a lot of romance novels. She will never feel safe in a relationship with him. Let your lawyer deal with her. Best thing that you can do is remove her totally from your life, legally and mentally. What I mean by that is get rid of anything that reminds you of her, that could include moving out of the home you shared with her(if it requires selling then listen to your lawyer on how to best protect yourself and your finances). You need to make new memories in a place that is only yours. Get a new bed, start replacing furniture, anything that you can look at that reminds you of her has to go. She doesn't want to give up the security of you while needing the excitement of O/M, she doesn't want any other woman getting her hands on you in case the grass isn't as green as the O/M lead her to believe. Now that they are together I would bet big money that the excitement is wearing off. Don't be surprised if she wants to reconcile. People this messed up can cause a lot of havoc in your life, I am still unlisted for this very reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I agree, I think her long term goal is to stay married. The thing is, you dont really need her to accept it, the court can grant your divorce 4 weeks after your attorney has made a public notification. I believe in most states your wife will be given an additional 30 to respond before the divorce is finalized. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Well.... don't hire a hitman. You'll get caught, you're an obvious first suspect. ^^ I hope that made you chuckle, sorry if it didn't. It sucks but you'll get through it, stick to your (metaphorical) guns. We're pullin for ya. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bill138 Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 Yea dunno if her wanting reconcile is a goal of hers as she has dropped off for months without a smidge of contact. You guys are a great outlet of support though and thanks. But i cant lie, it kills me not knowing what in the hell is going through her friggin head... Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 But i cant lie, it kills me not knowing what in the hell is going through her friggin head... Chances are you'll never know, brother. And you may not want to know; who knows what kind of bats are flying around in there. Chart your course, and full speed ahead, regardless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Yea dunno if her wanting reconcile is a goal of hers as she has dropped off for months without a smidge of contact. You guys are a great outlet of support though and thanks. But i cant lie, it kills me not knowing what in the hell is going through her friggin head... There lies the problem. Your sitting in a space that is haunted by her memory wondering about what's going on in her head while her biggest concern might be what she's going to prepare O/M for dinner, pot roast or pasta. I would bet that she has O/M convinced that your the one delaying the divorce. Quit giving her so much control over you by finding other things to take her space in your head. You still value her too high, change that, she's now used and tainted. She's not who she wanted you to believe she was. Be thankful you found out now before you wasted too much of your life on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bill138 Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 Yea beleive me ive done ok on my own moving on and she slowly got away from my mind till now. I try not to think about it but when stuff like this pops up, its really hard not to. If shes making the o/m meals and stuff, she needs to sign this crap and begone.... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) I requested a mediation to find out just what in the hell she wants from me at this point Why on earth are you doing this? You're really not acting very rationally here. I know that's often par for the course when divorcing, many people don't act rationally! But look, your wife has made it 100% clear to you that she is not interested in talking to you, in reconciling, in negotiating, in explaining anything to you, or even TEXTING you just ONCE! She has made it 100% clear that she is going to be as awkward and uncooperative as possible throughout the entire divorce proceedings. So what in the 7 rings of hades makes you think she would attend mediation??? You need to tell your attorney that you're fed up of wasting time and you just want this divorce done ASAP, using whatever means necessary. Forget mediation, forget "what she wants", forget EVERYTHING, except getting that court stamp, with or without her signature. If shes making the o/m meals and stuff, she needs to sign this crap and begone.... It's not about what she needs to do. Clearly, she does not need to do anything that she doesn't want to. For whatever reason, she wants to stall the divorce. Her reasons are her own and chances are you'll never find out what they are. The only thing you can do is look out for yourself. That means you have to accept that you have a fight on your hands and you have to WIN that fight. It is not particularly difficult to win in this situation. The law does not force anyone to stay married if they do not want to, so the law is on your side. Now you just need to apply it, and stop wasting your time with mediation, and asking what her motivations are, and trying to get her to play ball. She has clearly shown that she is NOT going to cooperate with the divorce so your only option is to force the matter. Edited January 25, 2019 by PegNosePete 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 (edited) Its emotional because it brings old scars that have been healing right the heck up. She has her own insurance and financially our accounts have been seperated and hasnt received a red cent from me. Good point though about her being aware already. It also boggles my mind why in the hell she wants my complaint drop with no counter. My attorney is in contact with hers and is starting letters and I requested a mediation to find out just what in the hell she wants from me at this point as old scars and feelings have resurfaced... Her behavior now is all about CONTROL. It may seem like she's out of control but that's not true. Her options have merely been narrowed and denial, obstruction, and delay are the tools she currently has available. Mediation and even conciliation (coerced mediation mandated by courts) are a waste of time with someone like this. What's worse, is that you can't use anything from mediation as evidence in court. So, even if you get a concession from her she can turn around and deny it in front of the judge. (U.S.) The court process can be very frustrating because there will be many needless delays. Hang in there and simply ask your attorney to advance the case expeditiously through the court without accommodation for her drama. It is not your responsibility to make a case for her or to save space in your mind for what she wants. Don't torture yourself trying to figure her out - just trust that she sucks. Any day now, she might do an about face and file a counter-complaint with a narrative projecting all of her crap onto you. When denial stops working for her she may very well turn to attack. Edited January 28, 2019 by Turning point Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Thought id just post an update, Wife has avoided process servers and even had one thrown out of her building by her supervisor. She has also dodged the sherriff department and my lawyer documented all these attempts. Well, everything went for open notification and her attormey responded. Her attorney is telling my attormey that she does not want the divorce and has not asked for anything in return. On top of that, she also told her attorney that she didnt know I filed!! My lawyer then sent her attorney the documented proof of attempted service. Folks, I have moved on and I dont understand this game she is playing. I even contqcted my ex wife after almost 4 months of absolute no contact but she wont answer. I left voicemails and texts asking her why is she avoiding the divorce and what is it she wants from me?? Im back to thus damn emotional roller coaster. I remember your story and might be responding a little late, but perhaps not too late. Two words: Be patient. Let the process work, and let your lawyer and the system work. It'll be slow and painful at times, but you will eventually be free of her. I would not contact her. She is manipulating you, remember? Her behavior indicates that she is both manipulative and extremely immature, almost childlike. Her refusing to get a divorce despite clearly wanting intimacy with someone else indicates that she is living in a world of denial. She wants to insist that her irresponsible, dishonest behavior have no consequences. As I said, let your lawyer and the system work, because that will show her that she's living in the real world now. Advice going forward: - Let the lawyers and the system do what they're supposed to, and let them take your mind off things. - Don't give her ANY attention - don't communicate with her unless your lawyer advises it - Make sure you watch your credit file and your financial accounts. Someone as delusional and manipulative as she is would definitely consider exacting a financial penalty of some sort. - Start living your life. Do work. Get some exercise. Take up a hobby. Watch Netflix. Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Why on earth are you doing this? You're really not acting very rationally here. I know that's often par for the course when divorcing, many people don't act rationally! But look, your wife has made it 100% clear to you that she is not interested in talking to you, in reconciling, in negotiating, in explaining anything to you, or even TEXTING you just ONCE! She has made it 100% clear that she is going to be as awkward and uncooperative as possible throughout the entire divorce proceedings. So what in the 7 rings of hades makes you think she would attend mediation??? You need to tell your attorney that you're fed up of wasting time and you just want this divorce done ASAP, using whatever means necessary. Forget mediation, forget "what she wants", forget EVERYTHING, except getting that court stamp, with or without her signature. Agreed, contacting her and agreeing to mediation is letting her manipulate you, OP. Do not fall for it. Link to post Share on other sites
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