parkerbrook Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 I have been seeing/dating this guy for a couple months now. I say “seeing/dating” because we haven’t had the official talk yet to confirm if we are actually in a relationship, but it really feels like we are for various reasons. It has been going super well, and I’m really excited about this guy. He went to a music festival this weekend for 4 days with a bunch of his friends (he had tickets for it back in December way before we met). Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE that he’s going away to have a fun guys weekend. But I can’t help but be a little bit concerned. I know he’s drinking heavily every single day, and there are girls everywhere wearing skimpy things and also drinking. I also don’t trust one of his friends, I’ve met him and he’s the type to try and get with every girl he can. I really do trust my guy, but I don’t trust his friends and I don’t trust girls. The thing is too, I’m worried since we haven’t been dating for a super long time and haven’t had that relationship talk, he may not maybe see it as cheating or something I don’t know. He texted me a little bit two nights ago (the first night), but yesterday/last night I got a couple snaps from him, and I sent one at night and he opened and didn’t reply, and didn’t text me at all. I honestly feel sick to my stomach. I don’t know why he didn’t reply to me last night. I know it’s not about me and it’s definitely my own insecurity but i’m just so afraid he will find another girl there and come back and not be into me anymore. I can’t help it. I would never say anything to him about it because i don’t want to come across as needy and we are definitely not at that point in our relationship yet where I could bring that up. I am keeping myself busy, I went out with friends last night to keep myself distracted but I can’t help but worry a little bit. Am I overthinking this? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 He bought the tickets before he met you. Yes, a music festival where everybody is drinking heavily & some may be doing other things is a situation fraught with temptation but you have to have some faith & trust him to do the right thing. Not every drunk hooks up with anything that moves. People do actually have self control. You have the right to be concerned but don't get nuts & accusatory just yet. If he's calling you & posting pictures, try to enjoy vicariously though him. See what happens & how he acts when he comes home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Yes, you are overthinking it. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 If you really like the guy it's normal to be worried about his options and the bad influence of his friend at this festival. But it's early in your relationship and you haven't had "the talk" yet, so you are right to realize you shouldn't bring it up. He was probably busy with his friends and that's why he didn't respond to your text. If his buddies are around he wouldn't want to be kidded about having to stop and answer you. Being around plentiful temptations isn't going to change who he is. Either he's focused on you or he's not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 If a guy is into you, he isn't going to be swayed by other girls. You don't trust him yet (despite what you say) and that's okay. You haven't been seeing other long enough to know that you can or can't trust him around temptation. Observe. That's what this stage of dating is about - seeing how the person truly conducts him- or herself. The truth is that while a music festival certainly makes it easy to have some random hook-ups, temptation is everywhere, every day. He could just as easily meet someone at work or school or his local coffee shop. The point is that if he values what he has going with you and wants to take it further, he isn't going to compromise that by going off with someone else. Don't let a lack of a reply make you sick to your stomach. There is no need for that; there are plenty of valid reasons why he hasn't replied. This sick feeling does suggest you need to get handle on the insecurity nagging at your mind, though. Why do you think you aren't good enough for him not to hook up with another girl? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 If a guy is into you, he isn't going to be swayed by other girls. I agree with the above. I would show him I trust him by letting him have his 4 days away with his friends without contacting him or expecting contact from him. I would go out and use this time to have fun with my friends. When he gets back bring up the exclusivity talk. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Dating someone or even being married to them does not mean you do everything together. Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Since you're not in an exclusive relationship, he can date and sleep around if he wants to and so can you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 If he seems like a standup guy, you shouldn't think other wise. Come to your own conclusion when he gets back by how he behaves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author parkerbrook Posted August 12, 2018 Author Share Posted August 12, 2018 the guy i’ve been dating/seeing for a couple months now (and it’s been going really well) is at a music festival this weekend with his friends. he’s had these tickets since christmas (way before we even met). I’m not going to lie when I say I’m a little concerned, just because it’s been only a couple months and i’m afraid he might find another girl there but that’s a different story. he texted me a little bit the first night, sent me just a few snaps here and there yesterday but we didn’t really talk. now today, still a few snaps but still haven’t really talked. I know he’s having fun with his friends, and I’m keeping busy with friends here too but I just can’t help but want to check in with him - but i’m just trying to kind of let him be. is this the right thing to do? I really like this guy and am really excited about him, but trying not to mess things up by potentially coming across as needy. just can’t help but be a bit concerned, especially when we haven’t talked in a few days. Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 (edited) Has it been a few days since you talked? I bet you talked thursday or friday, which would be yesterday or at most two days ago. I think being friendly and open to communication is great, but don't make him feel like he has to take care of you while he's there. ETA: Yes, it's ok to not talk every single day. I like to talk every day, too, and if that's what you like, I think it's ok to require that in a relationship, but you should also make enough room for your bf to do stuff like go away with his friends for the weekend. Edited August 12, 2018 by grays Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 (edited) []Go out and do your own thing and stop worrying about it. He's busy having a great time, he messaged you a few, let him have his guy's weekend in peace. like the others have said, people do have self control even when drunk, if he's standup guy he isn't going to be all over a bunch of chicks like his buddy. He's there to watch the bands and enjoy the music. Edited August 12, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Threads merged 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 When I was dating the lady I later married, about a month in when we were serious but not exclusive, she went to SF with a group of her girlfriends to celebrate her 40th birthday, something they had planned for months. It included typical adult female behavior I wished her well and set up a date for the following weekend and checked in later that week to see how the BD went and to confirm plans. It went well and we continued dating and got married about 18 months later. While married, she occasionally went to music festivals and concerts with members of the same group of girlfriends. Other than checking in to let me know she was safe, it was their time. Time will tell your truths. Do your own thing and look forward to your next meetup/date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author parkerbrook Posted August 12, 2018 Author Share Posted August 12, 2018 I met this guy on a dating app a few months ago. we have been seeing each other frequently but haven’t officially had the “are we in a relationship” talk yet. here are some things he has done that does make me feel like I’m the only one he’s dating: - he has introduced me to his friends, and brought me along to many social events with him and his friends (it feels kind of known that we are a thing). Hasn’t told his family about me yet though. - he got a bit jealous when I talked about my ex reaching out to me again, and also when I was talking to some of his friends without him there - a couple guys have hit on me, and he isn’t ever super happy to hear about it - texts, calls and asks to see me lots - he once posted a snap story of him and I together - we have had sex, and he has slept over once ...those are just a few things. I really like this guy and feel like i’m starting to fall for him, but he is a VERY social guy and I can’t help but have this underlying fear that he might be seeing/texting other girls. I’m not getting a vibe he is or anything, but it’s just an unsettling thought since we haven’t had the exclusivity talk yet. I realize i’m probably just thinking the worst and overthinking it, I hope I am. what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 There are only 2 ways to know: 1. Ask him. Since you are sleeping together it's almost a mandatory health question but not something you can assume. 2. Hire a P.I. & have him followed but that seems a bit extreme, don't you think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 I think it’s time for the exclusivity talk. It’s been a few months, you are having sex with the guy... I think you have a right to know that you are the only woman in his bed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 You're hiding ... that question isn't the real question ... The real question is what do you want with him? Do you want a relationship? If so, say so ... have the discussion ... then one way of knowing if someone is seeing someone (other than asking) ... is to spend lots of time with them ... and pay attention to any times they're vague about not being available. Sometimes the intuition you're feeling now is accurate ... not always ... but the point is irrelevant if you haven't had the exclusive conversation . Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 Saturday nights are the key. Is there an assumption that you will be seeing each other on Saturday nights? And if he can't see you on a Saturday, does he tell you why he can't do it? If you answered Yes to both, then you're well on your way to exclusivity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 what do you think? don't look a gift horse in the mouth sister! Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 I am glad I am not having to date. Much easier 30 years ago, if you were dating someone you were exclusive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 You could have seen back a positive comment about the snaps or whatever he's sending you but yes, letting him be is the right thing to do. The fact that he's repeatedly sending you stuff is a great sign. Whereever he is might not be the quietest place to talk so he's doing the next best thing. Be happy & excited for him to tell you all about how much fun he had. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 You are freaking about the music festival. You realize that you made a tactical error by sleeping with him & letting him leave to go to this festival without defining your relationship Now you can't get super pissed if he was with somebody else, although it's OK to be disappointed. Given the fact that he's been sending you multiple pictures while he's been away I suspect he's a trustworthy guy When he gets home -- talk, especially about your wants & expectations. Have self esteem is not being needy or clingy. Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 Ok, so, you guys are in the early dating phase right now, not exclusive or anything, though it sounds like you want to be...am I right? Try not to look too far ahead right now. It's a music festival. Say in the future if you two become exclusive how are you going to feel when he does stuff like go to festivals and concerts where there will be lots of girls? The best thing you can probably do right now is keep your head on straight and tell yourself that if this relationship is meant to be he might look at other girls, but he will keep coming back to you no matter what. Try not to fret. Stay busy doing the things you love to do with or without him. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 Enough with talking about how you don't trust one of his mates and girls in general. Truth is that you don't trust HIM. If he has consensual sex with someone else, then it's nobody's fault but his own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 festivals are full of people, I do not think 2 people can go off somewhere secluded, there is no such thing, for it is all communal living, some families go, kids are there Link to post Share on other sites
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