Renae Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 The only way to know for sure is to ask. I could give you a huge list of signs a guy is dating someone else that have nothing to do with meeting friends and family or social media. From experience of dating a guy for years that I am not in an exclusive relationship with. We see each other many times a week, with sleepovers and vacations and friends and family, and it's been like this since day one. The only way to know for sure is to straight up ask. A stand up guy with be honest, even if he multidates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author parkerbrook Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 I have been dating this guy for a few months now. I never used to drink before I started dating him, not because I was against it, only cause I had never really tried it (I’m 22 years old). He and his friends go out a lot and he drinks every weekend. Since dating him, I have gone out to bars with him and his friends and have gotten drunk a couple of times but never like non-functioning drunk. this past weekend, I went out with just him and we went to a few different bars. I drank so much, and ended up getting so drunk I started puking and couldn’t walk on my own. he was SO helpful to me, and never left my side and was super protective of me. he called an uber for us, basically carried me to the car and we both went back to my house and he washed my hair because i had apparently puked it in it, he laid me down in my bed and laid beside me and waited until I fell asleep (my roommate told me this). He was SO good to me, and I thanked him endlessly the day after and also apologized for him having to do that. I am genuinely really embarrassed, I have never gotten that drunk before because I just did not know my limit - now I obviously do lol. i’m so embarrassed, I feel like he might not like me as much after seeing me in that state or something or not want to go out for drinks with me anymore lol. he told me that’s not true and he said it’s okay. he said it happens to everyone at least once and it’s happened to him, but I just feel like I really messed up. just feel really insecure about what happened. has anyone had an experience like this, on either side? do you think he will like me less now? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 His actions after your drinking experience perhaps help answer this question you posed... how to tell if i’m the only woman he’s dating? I'd opine now you know your limits and how your BF handles such matters. Good information. You don't have to drink when going out with your BF, even if he does. Virgin drinks are fine, as is soda or water. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 When I was very young and had no clue about alcohol, I once drank so much at a party that I woke up in the middle of the night and threw up in bed, which my then-boyfriend and I were sleeping in. He woke up pronto, needless to say! Then I denied it was me. I told him it must've been him. Then I got up and immediately stripped the bed and did the laundry, in the middle of the night. Yeah, not my most shining moment! We stayed together 4 more years after that. I think you're good, as long as you don't make it a repeat performance. We mess up sometimes when we're young and go overboard. I doubt he'll hold this against you if you don't make a habit of it. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 (edited) When I was in 19 and in college, I stupidly did the salt/tequila shots/bite the limes on an empty stomach. I don't need to relay the hell I was in the next day because of that. It was the last time I got that miserably drunk. So, yes, he's right: most of us have been there unless one is a straight edge. The fact that he took care of you that night says a lot about how he esteems you. I would never let that happen again for the rest of my life. I'd believe him when he said things are cool between you two. If they weren't, he'd have just unloaded you in the uber and let you figure it out on your own. In the future, cut out the drinking. Had you been with someone with less integrity, your night could have ended up a nightmare. You never want to be at the mercy of someone else because you're not in control of your own faculties. Edited August 20, 2018 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 I think most people are willing to care for a super drunk friend of theirs every once in a while. I'm talk no more then 2x per year. After that it tends to look like the person has a problem. What you have learned from this is that you can't keep up with him & his friends so you need to stop trying. He drinks a helluva lot so you are not the 1st drunk he's taken care of. I hope to God he didn't lay you down on your back because in your state if you vomited again you could have DIED from chocking on your own vomit. You always lay drunks on their sides so gravity keeps their airways clear when then puke & don't wake up. It happens. What you really need to determine is if you want to keep dating a guy who always parties like this. Plus don't think he called the Uber for you. Hopefully he called it because he recognizes that nobody should be driving after they were drinking. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Know your limit. Tell him you haven't been a drinker so there will be times you will only have a few or can be a DnD for the night and not drink at all. If he's a nice guy, then he won't be pursuing you to pound a few shots too many. And don't drink because you are trying to keep up because he's a new guy. You use your better judgement on that one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Buy him flowers and when you give them to him, hug him and tell him how great he was and how bad you were and that you are never going to get that drunk again -- and then DON'T! Also, don't mix liquors at all. And watch your drink get poured and don't leave your drink. When young, I believe I was doped about 4 times. Otherwise, I never got that sick and out of it. So watch out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Ya and #1 rule, never leave your drink unattended. If you do, dump it out and get a fresh one...and rule#2 never accept a drink from a non staff member. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CollegeKid101 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 As a guy who has taken care of many drunk girls in college, I can assure you when I say he did not care at all. Unless this is a reoccurring thing, he likes you enough to have you as his girlfriend which is a far greater pain/burden (in a good way! ) than helping someone get to bed when their drunk! Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 (edited) The more you will drink, the faster you will age and the more mistakes you will do! and this is without speaking about the health decline and the money decline! and I am not speaking about the problem of you getting addicted to alcohol! If you don't like drinking or not used to drinking, you don't have to please anyone! Drink according to what you see fit, if he drinks all the time, that is not an ideal partner anyway. Actually, not drinking and being the designated driver is the best option here! Edited August 20, 2018 by Noproblem 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author parkerbrook Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 been dating this guy I really like for about 2 months. we used to talk every day pretty consistently and ask how each other’s day was, but now we might check in with each other but not necessarily have a conversation every day. i’m totally okay with this, I know having a texting convo every day is not realistic in a real relationship. when we’re together its totally great, but when we’re not I cant help but sometimes feel disconnected from him. like today, I wanted to just text him and see what he was up to but I held back cause I realized I didn’t really have a real reason to talk to him. not gonna lie I do struggle with abandonment issues from past relationships so that might be what’s happening (I am currently going to counselling for that). I guess I just wanted to hear other people’s opinions/thoughts on this, this early into our relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 been dating this guy I really like for about 2 months. we used to talk every day pretty consistently and ask how each other’s day was, but now we might check in with each other but not necessarily have a conversation every day. i’m totally okay with this, I know having a texting convo every day is not realistic in a real relationship. when we’re together its totally great, but when we’re not I cant help but sometimes feel disconnected from him. like today, I wanted to just text him and see what he was up to but I held back cause I realized I didn’t really have a real reason to talk to him. not gonna lie I do struggle with abandonment issues from past relationships so that might be what’s happening (I am currently going to counselling for that). I guess I just wanted to hear other people’s opinions/thoughts on this, this early into our relationship? Might be too early to say "I miss you" you can text that to him. You can do whatever you want there is no rules.. Link to post Share on other sites
Desesperado Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 not gonna lie I do struggle with abandonment issues from past relationships so that might be what’s happening (I am currently going to counselling for that). I guess I just wanted to hear other people’s opinions/thoughts on this, this early into our relationship? Well everyone has different communication styles, some like a lot some much less, you can't fault people for this unless they are playing around with ignoring you. If you have this stress about it, you just sit with him and explain, not pressuring him or trying to change him, just telling him it makes you anxious sometimes. So if anything crappy happens he won't think you're a psycho and should if he really likes you be warry of your anxiety, so do an effort I guess. 3 months ago I was dating a cute confident business woman texting a lot, her problem was with having only 1-2 dates a week made her anxious to be abandoned. I was crystal clear of my schedule, tried my best but she didn't want to talk about her anxiety, eventually becoming absolutely needy and annoying, then I just ended it. So don't go this route just communicate your needs, if he can meet them great, if he can't that's life and anyway better not waste your time. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 In light of your last threads, you seem very anxious about this relationship in general and really unsure of where things might be headed. For some people, going a day without communicating is fine and no reason to worry, especially early on. For others, it would be unthinkable. He might fall into the former category, but I suspect you're also worried that he's losing interest. It's also not totally unrealistic that a dating couple would have some daily contact. Perhaps not a conversation over text, but I have certainly dated men who would check in with a message or a call each day (or vice versa) It very much depends on personal communication style, and overall interest in the relationship. How often do you see each other? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Normal varies from person to person & couple to couple. It's a loaded judgmental concept. To me what seems off here is that you used to talk every day & not you don't. At 2 months in I would probably not be in daily communication with a new person. As I gradually get to know somebody that would be too much suffocating for me. But once you reach the point of daily contact, sliding backwards seems bad. That is not to say that you can't skip a day here & there but you do need to have a direction for your relationship. You are making progress or you are not. What do you think is going on here? What do you want to happen? If daily contact is something you desire are you willing to initiate it? Perhaps the guy is afraid of scaring you off so he's hoping you will reach out so he's not viewed as week or clingy. However, if you are saying good morning & not getting any response for a day or two an in person discussion about expectations is in order. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Have you asked him his thoughts on texting frequency in his relationships and are they in alignment with your views? If not, why not? If so, what did he say? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Yes it's normal if you are not exclusive. OP: When we're suffering from abandonment issues, or jealousy issues, or any other issues then we avoid picking men that will enhance those issues. I do not suffer from abandonment issues but I still would no date a man 2 full months without addressing exclusivity. Why are you putting yourself in this situation if you know a non-exclusive relationship will bring you stress and anxiety? After 2 months if you want to speak to the guy just text him. If the fact you write to him every day makes him run away then he didn't like you very much to start with. When someone likes you nothing much will have them change their mind about you. . Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Like others have said, everyone is different so there is no absolute "normal". But I think after two months you should feel comfortable to send a quick text if that's what you feel like doing. The fact that you stopped yourself is an issue in my eyes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 You reach out with a text....make it funny, make it interesting, maybe exciting, be flirty, etc...got to keep those home fire burning as they say. Link to post Share on other sites
Purrrfect Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 No it is not normal to not talk every day. He takes 10 seconds to send a text. He has other priorities going on if you don’t talk everyday Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 It's only not normal when you feel like talking to him, you don't, because you're afraid to appear this way or that. Over time stress and unhappiness will build up. What's the point of relating if you can't be yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author parkerbrook Posted August 24, 2018 Author Share Posted August 24, 2018 this guy and I have been dating for a few months now, and things have been going really well. he goes out with his friends all the time, and sometimes invites me and sometimes doesn’t. last night was one of the times he didn’t. when he goes out without me im totally okay and am very intentional about NOT being that girl who is blowing up his phone, I actually leave him alone unless he reaches out to me (which he usually ends up doing at some point). last night I checked his location on snapchat and it said he was somewhere and later when we talked asked him how that certain place was. he then told me he was never there. i told him i had just seen he was there through snapchat, and then soon after i saw he disabled his location setting. it was 3 in the morning and I admittedly got freaked out, thinking the absolute worst and started asking if he was home. he didn’t reply for a while so I sent another text (which I normally never do). he finally replied saying he was at his friends. I felt stupid for sending 2 back to back texts wondering where he was while he was with his friends, so I just apologized and said I wasn’t feeling great. now it’s the next day and I just feel like I really messed up. I felt kind of clingy last night which I NEVER want to do. I feel like I broke my streak of being a ‘chill’ girlfriend haha. what do you think - do you think i really messed it up? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 OP, you really need to talk to him about where you stand and whether this is going somewhere. You have created several threads which all indicate you have a lot of anxiety and insecurity about him and your relationship. Instead of getting so worked up about the symptoms, so to speak, why not address the direct cause of this fretting? Stop pretending to be chill and just have a conversation with him about where he sees this heading. I don't have Snapchat and so can't speak much for the specifics of that, but if he disabled the locations setting after you mentioned where he was, I would assume he doesn't like feeling as though you're keeping an eye on it. Sending another message asking if he was at home - girl, too much. It's not the worst thing in the world, but it's not great. However, I gather you are not exclusive, so let's imagine for a moment that he was seeing someone else last night - what would you do next? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 I think it's horrible that after MONTHS of dating you feel so much anxiety because you double text him!!?? Why are you so TENSE in this relationship?? What's missing that you cannot relax a bit? How many months dating? are you exclusive? After months of dating I doubled and trippled called my BF!! If you feel that much anxiety after months of dating something is off! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts