still in college!?

[RainyDayWoman]

i am 24. i am still in college.

 

i spent 4 years (without graduating) in college. i hated it. HATED IT. if i could have selective amnesia for those 4 years, i would, it was that bad.

 

i was afraid to tell my parents, but when i found out i would be there a fifth year (because of bad advising, freaking a-holes) i broke down and told them. i couldn't go back. i would have ended my life, had i been there another year. i didn't tell them that, of course, but i know i never would have made it. i was 22 at that point.

 

i took a year and i guess a half off.

 

now i'm 24, i am back in school at a place i love. i love the curriculum, the professors, my classmates, everything. it couldn't be a better experience, really, and as much as i felt like a loser for "quitting", it was worth it.

 

but here's the thing...my parents pay for it. actually, they pay for everything, from my rent, bills, my books, my car and health and life insurance, everything. my food. my "going out" expenses. they volunteer to do this, it's not my asking. they prefer i focus on my schoolwork and not worry about working for 5 bucks an hour. i could "work" for my father (he owns a big insurance company) but it would be kind of...fake. so to me, it's like, what's the point?

 

people think this is the life...and i guess to some people, it is. but i think it's making me feel useless. when people ask me how i pay for school, i almost want to lie and say i had grants or something.

 

as much as i am grateful that they "help" me, i feel like i am just prolonging adulthood. i deal with adult situations everyday (as well as in the past, not everything has been so rosy, but nothing to do with my family.) but not adult situations like normal people have.

 

i think i just feel like as many aspirations as i have, as far as i want to go (law school, at this point) that i will never get there. maybe it's just self-doubt...because i do know i'll get there...maybe it's the motivation part...

 

is there anyone is in this position, like the same as me? i know i am fortunate to have these opportunites (and if i am ever in the position to do so, i want to start a scholarship program to pass on the "luckiness" for someone deserving.) but i kind of feel like, am i in school to prolong the so-called easy years? am i a female van wilder? should i just give up and work, even though i don't really know how?

 

it's just, i see all these people, they have jobs, and families, and mortgages, and i don't know HOW THE F*UCK THEY DO IT! and i think "i never could, never."

 

is anyone in the same situation as me?

 

just for the record, i've made a 4.0 since i started back at my new school (as of fall 04.) but i like it, and that makes all the difference.

 

i guess i just need a word or 3 of encouragement from an adult student who may be (slightly) in my shoes........

[Outcast]

You're hardly old. People go back to school to get further degrees after they've retired. As for the rest of your life, here's your problem:

 

and i think "i never could, never."

 

"As a man thinketh in his heart so is he

James Allen

 

STOP telling yourself you can't do it. Instead, every morning, say 'I can do ANYTHING' because you can if you think you can.

[RainyDayWoman]

You're hardly old. People go back to school to get further degrees after they've retired. As for the rest of your life, here's your problem:

 

 

 

"As a man thinketh in his heart so is he

James Allen

 

STOP telling yourself you can't do it. Instead, every morning, say 'I can do ANYTHING' because you can if you think you can.

 

thank you. maybe that's all i needed to hear, outcast.

 

 

sincerely, thank you.

[shamen]

I know this isn't exactly the same, but I went back to school after two years off to get my grad degree. I never felt like I was putting off adulthood. Just giving myself the opportunity to make adulthood better.

 

You'll be able to be an "adult" when you get done. It'll just happen naturally!

[RainyDayWoman]

 

thanks, shamen.

[big_girls_rock]

Hey RainyDayWoman

 

I sooooo wish I was in your shoes right now!

 

 

I am sorta in the same position except I am 20 years old and still in HIGH SCHOOL! I know some people must think- shes a dumbass but Im sooo glad you dared to ask this question because I relate to you.

I am a 20 yr. old senior and most students graduate at 17-18 and some 19 but not many. I go to an online school to hide my identity and because its much easier and I can work ahead at my own pace. The reason I am in the position I am in because I let my bad childhood get the worse of me. I recently heard this quote a friend sent me from home in my email- " You might have had a bad childhood- but your childhood is over. " Basically I just farted around and started things without finishing them- I needed to seriously grow up or end up like my Father who is 46 and still trying to get his life together. I would always blame others for my crappy life and school wizzed by me in slow to fast motion but it was like I couldn't catch up. It was all like a day dream and when I finally realized it and tried to do something about it everyone had already moced on with their lives. Like you- my Mom is an upcomming Artist- extemely good and I know at the pace she is going she will pay for everything. She still does except I moved from Ohio to Virginia with my Unlce and my Dad isn't far away. My Mom and I got into a huge fight and I left there with hopes of just finishing school in a few months and taking a gap year. I want to take a gap year to scope out scholarships and grants if my grades are high enough so I can score a spot in college overseas in England. I was a youth leader back at home and even though I quit weeks before I left my youth pastor basically put me down and even told me that no one is going to give a 20 yr. old a scholarship- he really hurt me but Im not gonna let his thoughts of me stop me from exceling. Before I left my Mom and I made up and she gave me her blessing and that we really needed this time apart so we could both mature. I think I was stopping my Mom from really excelling in her Artwork because I was such a lazy drag. I just need encouragement and some madddd motivation skills.

 

 

Its sooo embarassing to be introduced and then have someone ask you what you are doing in your life and all you can say is that you are still in high school and that you are "almost done" only to have them look at you like your stupid. Or to fill out countless applications but secretly knowing that they won't call you in for an interview because you don't reach therequirements at least w/o a diploma.I have no real acomplishments and getting my high school diploma will be my first one. I can't wait until I get it, it seriously will be one of the best days of my life! What I just really wanted to say was that its ok that you are behind- as long as you get er' done. In Bristol, England- the college I want to go to seems sooo far ahead of me and unreal- I don't want to dream about it anymore- and I deffinatly don't want to let my family down but if I want it badly enough I will push through anything to get to it no matter who says what- why should it matter what everyone else thinks? This is YOUR life, and YOUR decisions- its gonna be alright and when you finish you will be glad you did. Im not surprised that people look at me strange when they realize Im still a senior- but they will look at me in amazement once I overcome this thing and make something of my life.

This too shall pass! Keep going girl!

[Artifact]

Lots of excellent advice (and personal experiences) here. If it makes you feel better still, I am 25 and just now going on to grad school 4 years after completing my undergraduate degree... and you know what? The schools I have talked with seem to think I am MORE ready for school because I have had the time to really consider my options. I am have chosen to continue on my own, not because it was the expected thing. If you want to go to more school, do it. And big_girls_rock, I think it's great you might want to go on to college at 20 or 21. That's not old!! And there are pleanty of scholarships available- no matter your age.

Good luck!

[RainyDayWoman]

thanks, artifact.

 

i am actually pretty happy with myself and my life, it's just every so often i get like "what the hell am i doing?!"

 

 

then it goes away and i am happy again.

[Outcast]

Hey Big Girls Rock

 

Good for you! Sometimes people take a little longer to wise up and get serious about study but you, unlike a lot of people who are in school because they have to be, are doing it because you want it. This makes you the sort of student people love to have.

 

People much older than you have gone back to get their HS and then gone on to further schooling and that's great. What's bad is quitting forever and giving up and that's something neither you nor the OP are doing.

 

It was a struggle to do my MA because I did it while working full time but I was determined that I would finish it and I'm very happy I did. It's the not quitting that counts!

[big_girls_rock]

Thanks so much for the recognition outcast! Good Luck guys! When I get my stuff together I'll post on my updates. And I also want to hear from Rainy Day Woman on your acomplishments once your finished:D

[RainyDayWoman]

thanks, everybody.

 

[alphamale]

i am 24. i am still in college.

that's great RDW, remember you are still a kid even tho you may not think so...

 

but here's the thing...my parents pay for it. actually, they pay for everything, from my rent, bills, my books, my car and health and life insurance, everything. my food. my "going out" expenses. they volunteer to do this, it's not my asking. they prefer i focus on my schoolwork and not worry about working for 5 bucks an hour.

you come from a priviledged background, such as I did...enjoy it and don't feel guilty. you are in a great situation that few have...just don't flaunt it and try to be modest. i still know people who are 40 yrs old and still paying off their school loans from 15 yrs ago...

 

 

 

when people ask me how i pay for school, i almost want to lie and say i had grants or something.

your personal finances are not other peoples business and you should tell them it is private...

 

as much as i am grateful that they "help" me, i feel like i am just prolonging adulthood.

you are incorrect in this respect, "adulthood" does not really start until your 30s. most people my age (40) don't take anyone in their 20s seriously

 

just for the record, i've made a 4.0 since i started back at my new school (as of fall 04.) but i like it, and that makes all the difference.

you will find later in life RDW that your education and ability to learn is the second most impt factor in your life because everything starts from this. Your health is #1 and then your brain is #2. your education will set u apart and go with you for life

[suegail]

I was talking with a guy who is entering med school and they made everyone going in to that program sign an agreement that they WOULD NOT work, but would devote 100% to the program - that is a requirement. I know you're not in med school but pre-law, law school is grueling also, I'm sure. You'll need to maintain that high grade point average.

 

Best of luck to you...

[Woggle]

There are people in their 30s and 40s in college. Don't wory about it.

[magda]

Maybe if you start looking for work in your field of choice you'll feel less worthless. It'll make it easier to find a job later. Law schools like work experience as well.

[RainyDayWoman]

thanks guys.

 

i think i was just feeling down about it that day. i have some days like that, where i'm just like "aaauuughhh, will i ever get anywhere? what the hell am i doing?"

 

i know for some people, 24 is still just a kid...but i really don't like being thought of like that. i don't want to be some dried-up miserly old person either. but i do think the reason i do so well now is because i'm not that confused 18-year-old who went away to school not ever really considering my options. i applied, i got accepted, i went, and i hated it, so i didn't care about it. i think its that experience as a "kid" that made this experience very different.

 

and there are adults in college (like 30 or 40, as someone said, and even some 60's and 70's) and i think that's great and extremely respectable.

 

but the difference between them and myself is that they probably had a reason they never went or stopped going in the first place. maybe they had kids, maybe they went into thr army, etc.

 

me? i just hated it the first time and quit.

 

so while it seems so great and yahoooo for them to be in school at that age, for me, i feel like....."i'm still here. i'm just still here."

 

i don't know. most of the time i am okay with myself. it's just once in a while that i get frustrated.

[Horse]

I just graduated at 31. My parents couldn't afford to house me or put me through school, so I joined the military, got on my feet, and paid my own way.

 

I am soooo glad I didn't go to college straight out of high school. I wouldn't have appreciated it and I would most likely have a degree in something I don't want to do.

 

So I don't think it is a bad thing that you quit and returned when you were ready and willing to take your studies seriously. Actually I would recommend doing just that to a lot of the 17 and 18 year olds who go straight to college. They work their arsses of in high school, then straight to college, then a career where they can spend the rest of their lives working. It's a waste of youth.

 

 

If I had the luxury of not having to work to pay my bills, I would have tried to get more internships. The don't pay well, but if you do a few, you can have a couple years of experience when you graduate. That will help you a lot more than a 4.0 GPA when you go looking for a real job.

[RainyDayWoman]

I just graduated at 31. My parents couldn't afford to house me or put me through school, so I joined the military, got on my feet, and paid my own way.

 

I am soooo glad I didn't go to college straight out of high school. I wouldn't have appreciated it and I would most likely have a degree in something I don't want to do.

 

So I don't think it is a bad thing that you quit and returned when you were ready and willing to take your studies seriously. Actually I would recommend doing just that to a lot of the 17 and 18 year olds who go straight to college. They work their arsses of in high school, then straight to college, then a career where they can spend the rest of their lives working. It's a waste of youth.

 

 

If I had the luxury of not having to work to pay my bills, I would have tried to get more internships. The don't pay well, but if you do a few, you can have a couple years of experience when you graduate. That will help you a lot more than a 4.0 GPA when you go looking for a real job.

 

there's actually a few countries, not sure which but i think in europe, that after high school it is expected that you take a year off and travel before you decide what you're going to do with your life.

 

right now, i am mainly concerned with my gpa because i want to get into law school. i will have an internship within 6 months (next semester) but i do not know what it will be. when i do go to law school, there is an agreement that you cannot work more than 20 hours a week while completing the program, so i am sure when graduate law school, their main concern will my grades, my exams, and how well i pass the bar, rather than an internship i have in my undergrad years.

 

this internship is required for my undergrad degree, though i won't mind doing it. but i doubt i could have maintained my gpa while working at the same time, and since the gpa is more important for what i am going for, i focus on that (though i do have a few extra-curriculars, but they are far less rigid than an actual job, or even an internship.)

 

arggghhhh.......one day.....sighhhhhhhhhhhhh

[RecordProducer]

You are investing in your future. You will have better opportunities for a job with your diploma. You are lucky that your parents can afford the scholarship and shouldn't feel bad about it. It's their pleasure to help you and invest in you. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You will make money when you graduate. And you are still very young.

[Chimerical]

I'm 31. My parents are paying for my college. My boyfriend is paying the rent and bills. I've quit college a ton of times with lame excuses. But the truth is I hate college! I know I need it, but I can't stand the professors, and I feel stupid. I got a regular job for a while. I've had a mortgage. I've been married, and divorced. I joined the military. I've broken my back. I owned my own business for about 5 years.... I've done about everything, except I can't have any kids. Not one of these things, to me, is harder than going to college.

 

And I feel like... I feel like crap. Like I'm mooching, taking advantage of parents and bf, that I should be doing more, that everyone else has it harder and all I'm doing is going to school. I feel like I'm not being an "adult", that I'm not taking responsibility for my life. All I'm doing is riding off other peoples dimes. I feel worthless a lot. Like I should be doing so much more. Other people do all the time. Why am I allowing others to pay for college and me to live? But I can't go to college if I wasn't getting the help.

 

I'm feeling overwhelmed today, so it's pretty negative... but I think I can relate to what you're saying.