chanel777 Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 My husband and I have been together for about 13 years now (married for almost 3 of them). We were high-school sweethearts. Our story is long but to make it shorter I had an affair (it is now over) and got caught. He wants to work on things with me. I'm torn between working on them and divorcing him. We have no children. I'm posting here because honestly I am very scared to divorce him. I'm scared I'll never find someone who loves me as much as he does. I'm scared I'll never find someone I get along with as well. I'm scared to throw away all our memories together. I'm scared I'll miss him. My question is this - are these normal thoughts to have when going into a divorce? Full disclosure I'm also scared to have children with him (complicated reasoning). I'm scared to live with him again (we're separated right now). And I truly want to just work on myself at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 Fear of being alone, fear of failure, fear of the unknown. Normal stuff. One tool the MC taught was taking one day at a time and picking one thing to achieve for that day and that being the success of the day. If the goal is divorce, then one action along that path. It can seem overwhelming at times. Break it down though and focus on the moment and time seems to go by with less stress, anxiety or fear. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 What are your reasons for considers divorce. Do you no longer love your husband? Are you in love with the other man? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 If you stay with him just because you're frozen with fear to be by yourself then what kind of life is that? You're suppose to be your own best friend regardless if you have a partner or not. Why are you afraid to have children with this man? That seems like an odd thing to say. Do you see someone like a psychotherapist to help you work through your fears? Maybe they're justified or could be it's just faulty thinking but you should really get to the bottom of them before you do something drastic again. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 I'm posting here because honestly I am very scared to divorce him. I'm scared I'll never find someone who loves me as much as he does. I'm scared I'll never find someone I get along with as well. I'm scared to throw away all our memories together. I'm scared I'll miss him. There are an awful lot of "I's" in this statement. What do you want for your husband? What does your husband deserve? Does your husband deserve a woman who loves him? Does he deserve a woman who is loyal to him? Does he deserve a woman who wants to have children with him, and start a family? Does he deserve a woman who is staying with his because she loves him dearly and wants to share a life with him - not one who is holding onto him like an emotional blanket, because she is scared to let him go and be alone? If you can't say yes to all of these questions, you need to let him go... Let him go so that he can find a woman who does love him, wants to build a family and grow old with him... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
brigit87 Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 My husband and I have been together for about 13 years now (married for almost 3 of them). We were high-school sweethearts. Our story is long but to make it shorter I had an affair (it is now over) and got caught. He wants to work on things with me. I'm torn between working on them and divorcing him. We have no children. I'm posting here because honestly I am very scared to divorce him. I'm scared I'll never find someone who loves me as much as he does. I'm scared I'll never find someone I get along with as well. I'm scared to throw away all our memories together. I'm scared I'll miss him. My question is this - are these normal thoughts to have when going into a divorce? Full disclosure I'm also scared to have children with him (complicated reasoning). I'm scared to live with him again (we're separated right now). And I truly want to just work on myself at the moment. Can you financially support yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 There are an awful lot of "I's" in this statement. What do you want for your husband? What does your husband deserve? Does your husband deserve a woman who loves him? Does he deserve a woman who is loyal to him? Does he deserve a woman who wants to have children with him, and start a family? Does he deserve a woman who is staying with his because she loves him dearly and wants to share a life with him - not one who is holding onto him like an emotional blanket, because she is scared to let him go and be alone? If you can't say yes to all of these questions, you need to let him go... Let him go so that he can find a woman who does love him, wants to build a family and grow old with him... A very good point. I once got a short letter from my now ex that I counted 42 "I's" in it. When two are now joined as one how can that ever possibly work when one is so self centered? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 In fairness, the OP is separated, living separately and seriously considering divorce. I've never known anyone in such a situation who's giving one whit about their soon to be ex-spouse. Heck, my ex-wife was living with another guy in the OP's situation. The marriage part is over and the paperwork has to catch up with the decision. Of course they're being selfish. Anyone here who divorced who wasn't? Or did you really roll over to supplicate to your estranged spouse because of being oh so magnanimous? I doubt it. The marriage is over. There is no more we. That's reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts