What’s to going on here?

[coolheadal]

I am going to say what I said before, that this girl is damaged and has emotional issues with how she is treating you.

 

The "I need time to be comfortable with you" is a defense for her from getting too close with you or anyone else.

 

You have a couple of options here:

 

Keep trying to date this girl and hope at some point she lets her wall down, thing is you could be wasting weeks, months, even years as she is damaged.

 

If you do try to date her I would suggest you date others and find someone else who is great that you are into and like.

 

Last option is to cut complete ties with this girl. Have nothing to do with her, no contact at all. Talk with her one last time, in person, let her know exactly where you stand and how you feel about her. How you would like to really try to date her and see where it goes and if she decides to really date you and give it a chance and let her walls down to get in touch...

 

You have a good plan, but he likes this woman, I am getting the feeling she's has a toxic behavior and likes to start trouble, arguments, and keep a lid on this so called get together s! She's not letting him enjoy the lovey dovey feelings she's cold fish is what she is. I don't recommend he continue to date her why would he. Dud is a dud.. She acting like a dud. Awful woman to treat a guy like this who only wants lovey dovey emotional and physical contact. She's cold fish around him. No sex at this point too.

[Hockey52]

You have a good plan, but he likes this woman, I am getting the feeling she's has a toxic behavior and likes to start trouble, arguments, and keep a lid on this so called get together s! She's not letting him enjoy the lovey dovey feelings she's cold fish is what she is. I don't recommend he continue to date her why would he. Dud is a dud.. She acting like a dud. Awful woman to treat a guy like this who only wants lovey dovey emotional and physical contact. She's cold fish around him. No sex at this point too.

 

Im not sure what’s happening to be honest friend told me supposedly her mom knows about me and her mom said I look like a nice guy and I’m goood looking etc but like I don’t get why she’s so cold to me so timid .. we barely texted today she is busy with some stuff today school wise but I hope this passes by tomorrow and it’s different because I can’t do this and maybe I’ll ask her tomorrow to hang out so I can talk for real in person at a park or coffee shop

[coolheadal]

Im not sure what’s happening to be honest friend told me supposedly her mom knows about me and her mom said I look like a nice guy and I’m goood looking etc but like I don’t get why she’s so cold to me so timid .. we barely texted today she is busy with some stuff today school wise but I hope this passes by tomorrow and it’s different because I can’t do this and maybe I’ll ask her tomorrow to hang out so I can talk for real in person at a park or coffee shop

 

Do what you must do to settle this okay.. Nice guy label hmmm, but if she was with a bad guy or jerk she might not want to settle for you. That's the issue. Make a list of all the advise you got here and then use that on her. If she still doesn't give you a straight answer you need to drop the bomb shell on her lap. Don't back off tell her she will need to contact you when she wants to be in a serious lovey dovey physical relationship with you. Until then your not going to contact her, not going to text her and your just going to do whatever pleases you for a change. Bye.. That's what you tell her she's acting like cold fish. That is what you don't need. Trust me do not want a girl to act like that now so early into things. Good luck with her though!

Edited August 15, 2018 by coolheadal

[Hockey52]

Do what you must do to settle this okay.. Nice guy label hmmm, but if she was with a bad guy or jerk she might not want to settle for you. That's the issue. Make a list of all the advise you got here and then use that on her. If she still doesn't give you a straight answer you need to drop the bomb shell on her lap. Don't back off tell her she will need to contact you when she wants to be in a serious lovey dovey physical relationship with you. Until then your not going to contact her, not going to text her and your just going to do whatever pleases you for a change. Bye.. That's what you tell her she's acting like cold fish. That is what you don't need. Trust me do not want a girl to act like that now so early into things. Good luck with her though!

 

Thank you for all the advice, I appreciate it. Yeah well I don’t know how to handle this or how to bring it up.. I haven’t heard back from my last text it’s been 3 hours but she is writing an essay it is due today so maybe that’s why.. I hope she says something tomorrow if I don’t hear today. I tried to be straight forward and she even said “if you don’t want to wait” I understand. So if I escalate and ask again I feel like it won’t change anyway?

[coolheadal]

Thank you for all the advice, I appreciate it. Yeah well I don’t know how to handle this or how to bring it up.. I haven’t heard back from my last text it’s been 3 hours but she is writing an essay it is due today so maybe that’s why.. I hope she says something tomorrow if I don’t hear today. I tried to be straight forward and she even said “if you don’t want to wait” I understand. So if I escalate and ask again I feel like it won’t change anyway?

 

No problem here my friend, I am here to help you your life situation here you have ask us to help... Your welcome..

Wow she said that to you “if you don’t want to wait” I understand

 

She's really damage then.. I don't think she's really deeply involve with you as you thought she was. She sounds so cold and like she doesn't give a dam if you do or dam if you don't. So either way you look at it she doesn't really care about you in the way you want. So why stay in such mess she's the one calling the shots and you are the side line. You really care about her more than like her. But does she even like you and you can't really ask her that question she has to say it too you. If she hasn't said yet after 4 or 6 dates then you know she's not into you that way yet or she might be interested in someone else?

Edited August 15, 2018 by coolheadal

[Hockey52]

No problem here my friend, I am here to help you your life situation here you have ask us to help... Your welcome..

Wow she said that to you “if you don’t want to wait” I understand

 

She's really damage then.. I don't think she's really deeply involve with you as you thought she was. She sounds so cold and like she doesn't give a dam if you do or dam if you don't. So either way you look at it she doesn't really care about you in the way you want. So why stay in such mess she's the one calling the shots and you are the side line. You really care about her more than like her. But does she even like you and you can't really ask her that question she has to say it too you. If she hasn't said yet after 4 or 6 dates then you know she's not into you that way yet or she might be interested in someone else?

 

Not sure but my friend told me she is really into me and I went with it and yeah she said that to me if you don’t want to wait I understand.. she should fight a little more than that for me it’s like as you said she doesn’t care at all.. I don’t know what to here. I don’t think it’s anyone else but I don’t like the uncertainty like I’m an option..

[coolheadal]

Not sure but my friend told me she is really into me and I went with it and yeah she said that to me if you don’t want to wait I understand.. she should fight a little more than that for me it’s like as you said she doesn’t care at all.. I don’t know what to here. I don’t think it’s anyone else but I don’t like the uncertainty like I’m an option..

 

Your friend say she was into you? But when you talk to her she said otherwise. Like a catch 22 in dating... She's the one holding the deck of cards..Your uncertain what going to happen. Is she the only child in her family what do you know about her otherwise? When you did take her on date did she look at you directly when she had spoken to you. Or did she just wonder around with her eyes on other people. What's her demeanor like with you otherwise? She knows what she's doing, this is tricky if you do it right then she might take it the other way if you do it wrong she still might take it the other way. Just leave it at that. Talking to her you might never get your answer if she refuses to tell you. But maybe she has a secret she has failed to share with you. Something personal. Could be a lie or something else. The way she's acting to mean a lot of things.

 

When you tried to kiss her on the lips did she turn to her cheek instead?

When you look into her eyes do they look bright or sorrow?

Does she have aliments that your aware of? Again she might be hiding something and waiting to tell you about it until she feels right about your actions with her. That could be something else to consider?

[Hockey52]

Your friend say she was into you? But when you talk to her she said otherwise. Like a catch 22 in dating... She's the one holding the deck of cards..Your uncertain what going to happen. Is she the only child in her family what do you know about her otherwise? When you did take her on date did she look at you directly when she had spoken to you. Or did she just wonder around with her eyes on other people. What's her demeanor like with you otherwise? She knows what she's doing, this is tricky if you do it right then she might take it the other way if you do it wrong she still might take it the other way. Just leave it at that. Talking to her you might never get your answer if she refuses to tell you. But maybe she has a secret she has failed to share with you. Something personal. Could be a lie or something else. The way she's acting to mean a lot of things.

 

When you tried to kiss her on the lips did she turn to her cheek instead?

When you look into her eyes do they look bright or sorrow?

Does she have aliments that your aware of? Again she might be hiding something and waiting to tell you about it until she feels right about your actions with her. That could be something else to consider?

 

Yeah I’m not sure what’s she’s thinking my now but I feel the only way is to ask her to hang out today and ask my questions in person? I saw my friend today he pulled up the same time as I did and I told him “she has been acting a little weird towards me she has been awkward she said she doesn’t know what she wants” he didn’t know anything but he will said he will sort it out and ask what’s going on.. he told me had an argument with her mother and sister but I don’t know if that’s why he said. So I guess I’ll see

[Hockey52]

Yeah I’m not sure what’s she’s thinking my now but I feel the only way is to ask her to hang out today and ask my questions in person? I saw my friend today he pulled up the same time as I did and I told him “she has been acting a little weird towards me she has been awkward she said she doesn’t know what she wants” he didn’t know anything but he will said he will sort it out and ask what’s going on.. he told me had an argument with her mother and sister but I don’t know if that’s why he said. So I guess I’ll see

 

I said to her today “Good Morning! And Yeahh at least you made it on time Was it worth much?

 

All she said was “ I like 20%”

 

Wow like not even good morning I’m done here what’s her issues her

[coolheadal]

I said to her today “Good Morning! And Yeahh at least you made it on time Was it worth much?

 

All she said was “ I like 20%”

 

Wow like not even good morning I’m done here what’s her issues her

 

Sounds like she has issues at home with her family (mother and sister) if what I am reading from your friend feedback. As for your text message to her saying Good morning! What the the rest of this message did you type And Yeahh at least you made it on time Was it worth much? Did you type that or did she reply that back to you in a text?

 

You said she said was "I like 20%" What's her issue could be the family and not you but still you need to go and talk to her in person. Texting is so impersonal. Everyone is texting more today that ever. Taking through your minds and not from your minds to you voice (out loud) so you can hear it through both your ears. You can see her express and thought process to what you have to say to her. Now go and talk to her and report back what she said to you here. Good luck!

[Hockey52]

Sounds like she has issues at home with her family (mother and sister) if what I am reading from your friend feedback. As for your text message to her saying Good morning! What the the rest of this message did you type And Yeahh at least you made it on time Was it worth much? Did you type that or did she reply that back to you in a text?

 

You said she said was "I like 20%" What's her issue could be the family and not you but still you need to go and talk to her in person. Texting is so impersonal. Everyone is texting more today that ever. Taking through your minds and not from your minds to you voice (out loud) so you can hear it through both your ears. You can see her express and thought process to what you have to say to her. Now go and talk to her and report back what she said to you here. Good luck!

 

I said that to her because she was doing an assignment last night it was due and I was just trying to make a joke lift the atmosphere.. because last night I said “You’re a smart cookie ? you’ll finish soon. Let me know, I’m heading to bed, Goodnight” she replied last night saying “Just finished. Not my best work but decent enough for being out of school for 6 months, Lol Night” then I said what you quoted just now and all she said was that “I think like 20%” what kind of answer is that.. should I ask now are you free tonight?

[ExpatInItaly]

I said that to her because she was doing an assignment last night it was due and I was just trying to make a joke lift the atmosphere.. because last night I said “You’re a smart cookie ? you’ll finish soon. Let me know, I’m heading to bed, Goodnight” she replied last night saying “Just finished. Not my best work but decent enough for being out of school for 6 months, Lol Night” then I said what you quoted just now and all she said was that “I think like 20%” what kind of answer is that.. should I ask now are you free tonight?

 

Yes. See how she responds.

[Hockey52]

Yes. See how she responds.

 

Okay I did whatever

[coolheadal]

I said that to her because she was doing an assignment last night it was due and I was just trying to make a joke lift the atmosphere.. because last night I said “You’re a smart cookie ? you’ll finish soon. Let me know, I’m heading to bed, Goodnight” she replied last night saying “Just finished. Not my best work but decent enough for being out of school for 6 months, Lol Night” then I said what you quoted just now and all she said was that “I think like 20%” what kind of answer is that.. should I ask now are you free tonight?

 

Yes say it and also say your paying...

[coolheadal]

Okay I did whatever

 

What do you mean?

 

Did she say back to you whatever?

[Hockey52]

Yes say it and also say your paying...

 

LOL I’m paying lol ya right I’m not spending $1 on her till I see something changing.. what do you think about wha it wrote above tho her responses? Something is clearly off..?

[ExpatInItaly]

LOL I’m paying lol ya right I’m not spending $1 on her till I see something changing.. what do you think about wha it wrote above tho her responses? Something is clearly off..?

 

Which response? Did she reply to your question asking if she was free?

[Hockey52]

Which response? Did she reply to your question asking if she was free?

 

No not yet, she’s at work she usually takes a long time to answer at work.. what should I bring up if I do see her today ?

[ExpatInItaly]

No not yet, she’s at work she usually takes a long time to answer at work.. what should I bring up if I do see her today ?

 

Nothing.

 

Stop putting so much pressure on the situation and let it unfold. Observe. See how the next couple of weeks go. If you still see that she is closed off, then it's time to just call it a day and move on.

[Hockey52]

Nothing.

 

Stop putting so much pressure on the situation and let it unfold. Observe. See how the next couple of weeks go. If you still see that she is closed off, then it's time to just call it a day and move on.

 

Really don’t say anything about it?? Its bothering me tho. Going to be awkward then no?

[Hockey52]

Really don’t say anything about it?? Its bothering me tho. Going to be awkward then no?

 

Hard for me to talk to her even on text because I feel there’s no effort or like how she’s thinking if she should or not like if there is something wrong with me. I don’t like that. You either are in and work out everything and try or don’t fake it and seem like I’m some piece of meat because who is she to say that

[ExpatInItaly]

Really don’t say anything about it?? Its bothering me tho. Going to be awkward then no?

 

It's going to be more awkward if you keep bringing it up. You already raised the issue with her. She told you, in so many words, that she needs time to open up. You said you were cool with that, as long as she wasn't uncomfortable and that you were on the same page. What else do you feel you need to say at this point?

 

In fact, you apologized if you came across as pushy. So show her that you're not. Relax and don't expect everything to be resolved immediately. It takes time, especially since she has already made it clear that she is guarded. If it's not happening on a time scale you are comfortable with, and you find that she is too reserved, and then wish her luck and carry on. It's your prerogative to leave when you want.

 

At the end of the day, if she keeps saying yes to dates then I assume she has some interest. If she says no, then you have your answer.

[ExpatInItaly]

Hard for me to talk to her even on text because I feel there’s no effort or like how she’s thinking if she should or not like if there is something wrong with me. I don’t like that. You either are in and work out everything and try or don’t fake it and seem like I’m some piece of meat because who is she to say that

 

You make a lot of assumptions.

[Hockey52]

You make a lot of assumptions.

 

I’m not making assumptions, it’s just to stone wall for me. Makes me wonder if I’m wasting my time or not and her even giving me the option stating “ if you don’t want to wait I understand” ‘no one that wants to lose someone says that ..

[ExpatInItaly]

I’m not making assumptions, it’s just to stone wall for me. Makes me wonder if I’m wasting my time or not and her even giving me the option stating “ if you don’t want to wait I understand” ‘no one that wants to lose someone says that ..

 

Alright, then.

 

Assume she's not interested then so you can let go of this and find someone more suited. You haven't lost anything here. It's been 4 dates. Just move along.