What’s to going on here?

[Hockey52]

This is the second time she's mentioned this, if I recall correctly.

 

Whatever her reasoning, (and I suspect she's too timid to be direct) take the hint here, my friend. She is not interested in going out again.

 

Leave it be now, so you can move on.

 

Yeah I don’t quite understand what she means but I left it as “I’ll say Okay I understand, I’ll give you the space you need. If you need anything I’ll be here. ”

[Juha]

Then I answered Okay no problem let me know when your free.

 

She said: Ya sure I will. But I do still need time to think and figure things out

 

I said okay no problem, ill give you some space to figure things out let me know if you need anything.

 

When a woman says this line to you, the only thing they need to figure out is will things work out with the other guy I am dating that I am more interested in than you. I will tell you I need to figure things out and if the other guy drops the ball I will give you a chance as you are my second or third choice.

 

If she gets back in touch with you it's up to you on what you want to do and if she is even genuine as you will be the 2nd or 3rd choice.

 

I either say I am not interested anymore or make her work for it, if she seems genuinely interested then I see where it goes, if she does not seem that interested I have sex with her a couple of times and dump her.

[Hockey52]

When a woman says this line to you, the only thing they need to figure out is will things work out with the other guy I am dating that I am more interested in than you. I will tell you I need to figure things out and if the other guy drops the ball I will give you a chance as you are my second or third choice.

 

If she gets back in touch with you it's up to you on what you want to do and if she is even genuine as you will be the 2nd or 3rd choice.

 

I either say I am not interested anymore or make her work for it, if she seems genuinely interested then I see where it goes, if she does not seem that interested I have sex with her a couple of times and dump her.

 

Yeah I have no idea if it’s another guy or it’s something else but I have a bad feeling maybe she is hiding something... I don’t want to be 2nd or 3rd it’s either first or I’m out ..

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah I have no idea if it’s another guy or it’s something else but I have a bad feeling maybe she is hiding something... I don’t want to be 2nd or 3rd it’s either first or I’m out ..

 

You'll probably never really know.

 

The take-away here is that she is not eager to accept your invitations to go out. Rather than overthink the reason and speculate too much, it is better to recognize that this didn't work out and leave it at that. You gave it a fair shot; she unfortunately didn't reciprocate.

 

Now you know not to spend any more time or effort there, so you can find someone who is interested.

[coolheadal]

I rather not ask and show I could careless tbh. I don’t know for sure if it’s a guy but if it is I’ll be very disappointed. It’s is suspect

 

She was stalling you all this time. Now you know what she was up too. Seeing someone else on long side you as well. Maybe your friend didn't know this about her. So don't blame him. She's playing games with you. After 4 dates should be ore than what she was doing. She figured you would be okay with what she was doing which wasn't anything you had wanted. Now she's dinner another guy.

[coolheadal]

Yeah I have no idea if it’s another guy or it’s something else but I have a bad feeling maybe she is hiding something... I don’t want to be 2nd or 3rd it’s either first or I’m out ..

 

Yep I had mentioned this to you remember. Good now you get what you have to do and leave her behind!

[Hockey52]

Yep I had mentioned this to you remember. Good now you get what you have to do and leave her behind!

 

Yeah I guess so but I have no proof if it was another guy or not.. she still hasn’t answered my message from yesterday. Obviously she doesn’t have an answer to

 

Okay I understand, I’ll give you the space you need. If you need anything I’ll be here , I think we have a connection, I think we get along and enjoy when together we have been getting to know each other. But as I said if you need help with anything I’ll be here for you.

[coolheadal]

Yeah I guess so but I have no proof if it was another guy or not.. she still hasn’t answered my message from yesterday. Obviously she doesn’t have an answer to

 

Okay I understand, I’ll give you the space you need. If you need anything I’ll be here , I think we have a connection, I think we get along and enjoy when together we have been getting to know each other. But as I said if you need help with anything I’ll be here for you.

 

Your like me in a way, but still she gone on a date with another guy, if it was a girl she would have told you it was. When it was another guy they say a friend. I am sure your not the only guy she dates. Your friend can't watch her 24/7. I hope it turns out in your favor. Plus you don't hear a word from her on top of it.

Edited August 16, 2018 by coolheadal

[Hockey52]

Your like me in a way, but still she gone on a date with another guy, if it was a girl she would have told you it was. When it was another guy they say a friend. I am sure your not the only guy she dates. Your friend can't watch her 24/7. I hope it turns out in your favor. Plus you don't hear a word from her on top of it.

 

I really hope it wasn’t abirber guy because tbh she barley goes out besides her friends she is mostly at home. But anyway I hope you’re wrong in that way. I still haven’t heard back from my text so I don’t know why She is ignoring me? I don’t get how things went down hill so sudden I don’t know what I did wrong besides my aggressive statements when I was upset but I apologized and it seemed it was okay.. I know it’s not me but IF I see her again and she contacts me I will be sure to ask what’s going on what was that for ?

[coolheadal]

I really hope it wasn’t abirber guy because tbh she barley goes out besides her friends she is mostly at home. But anyway I hope you’re wrong in that way. I still haven’t heard back from my text so I don’t know why She is ignoring me? I don’t get how things went down hill so sudden I don’t know what I did wrong besides my aggressive statements when I was upset but I apologized and it seemed it was okay.. I know it’s not me but IF I see her again and she contacts me I will be sure to ask what’s going on what was that for ?

 

If she's homebody (those who stay home more) I am like myself.. LOL But why not asked her who she gone out with?You have nothing to loose. Right now you and her don't have a leg to stand on no one has committed to the other yet. So the door is wide open. She told you to wait for her to feel right for you. But that doesn't mean she can't explore other men. You can do the same with other women. You two are not engaged or married yet. You are both free to do whatever you want.

[Hockey52]

If she's homebody (those who stay home more) I am like myself.. LOL But why not asked her who she gone out with?You have nothing to loose. Right now you and her don't have a leg to stand on no one has committed to the other yet. So the door is wide open. She told you to wait for her to feel right for you. But that doesn't mean she can't explore other men. You can do the same with other women. You two are not engaged or married yet. You are both free to do whatever you want.

 

I understand. But I don’t get what the waiting is for? Or where it came from? I want her but she’s turning me off how I haven’t heard from her and I may just do that.. makes me feel she doesn’t care

[coolheadal]

I understand. But I don’t get what the waiting is for? Or where it came from? I want her but she’s turning me off how I haven’t heard from her and I may just do that.. makes me feel she doesn’t care

 

That's the point! She doesn't care she only cares about herself. You need to care about yourself and needs. These 4 dates she didn't show you emotional affection and that's where you are upset about. She told you her line she needed to get to know you or had to feel comfortable around you. But that's on the first date. Not on the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th date. 5th date would be the same thing she's either doesn't care or really not into you. She should be honest to say that to you instead of stringing you along.

[Hockey52]

That's the point! She doesn't care she only cares about herself. You need to care about yourself and needs. These 4 dates she didn't show you emotional affection and that's where you are upset about. She told you her line she needed to get to know you or had to feel comfortable around you. But that's on the first date. Not on the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th date. 5th date would be the same thing she's either doesn't care or really not into you. She should be honest to say that to you instead of stringing you along.

 

Yeah exactly, I don't understand why she said it twice to me "If you can't wait I understand " Im just messed up where it went wrong? She saw it get more serious? I don't get it

[ExpatInItaly]

I understand. But I don’t get what the waiting is for? Or where it came from? I want her but she’s turning me off how I haven’t heard from her and I may just do that.. makes me feel she doesn’t care

 

You haven't heard from her because she's not interested in keeping this going. She was clear that doesn't want you to wait for her. Thus, she isn't ignoring you or making you wait. Her last message to you was the end of the conversation, as I read it. There is nothing more to discuss.

 

You're looking for the moment that something went wrong, but based on what you have written, this wasn't exactly picking up momentum anyway. You did say you sent some aggressive texts when you were upset, and I have no doubt that didn't help matters, but she wasn't overly eager from the looks of it anyway.

[Hockey52]

You haven't heard from her because she's not interested in keeping this going. She was clear that doesn't want you to wait for her. Thus, she isn't ignoring you or making you wait. Her last message to you was the end of the conversation, as I read it. There is nothing more to discuss.

 

You're looking for the moment that something went wrong, but based on what you have written, this wasn't exactly picking up momentum anyway. You did say you sent some aggressive texts when you were upset, and I have no doubt that didn't help matters, but she wasn't overly eager from the looks of it anyway.

 

Well she is technically making me wait, she can clearly say it and end it. I don't get her deal here.. She could of said something to me. mes me wonder how she changed so fast. She ultimately did it to herself,I was more than willing to try to work whatever the issue was out. She is not clear enough at all.I was upset at the time but if she is upset about it she should confront me. This is childish.. You don;t think ill hear from her today?

[ExpatInItaly]

No, she is not making you wait, technically or otherwise. She told you twice you don't need to. Someone who wants you to stick around doesn't say things like that.

 

My honest guess is that since you were a bit aggressive in some messages, she might be hesitant to be direct and just tell you she's not interested. A lot of people struggle with that anyway because they don't want to hurt your feelings, but she might sense you've got a bit of a short fuse and she doesn't want to ignite a text confrontation with you if she flatly turns you down. Will you hear from her today? I'm learning towards no, but anything is possible. The point is, don't expect anything now.

 

You need to learn to read between the lines. Yes, it would be courteous if people were honest when they're not interested, but her lack of enthusiasm and dodging your invite should be enough for you to realize she's not into it.

[Hockey52]

No, she is not making you wait, technically or otherwise. She told you twice you don't need to. Someone who wants you to stick around doesn't say things like that.

 

My honest guess is that since you were a bit aggressive in some messages, she might be hesitant to be direct and just tell you she's not interested. A lot of people struggle with that anyway because they don't want to hurt your feelings, but she might sense you've got a bit of a short fuse and she doesn't want to ignite a text confrontation with you if she flatly turns you down. Will you hear from her today? I'm learning towards no, but anything is possible. The point is, don't expect anything now.

 

You need to learn to read between the lines. Yes, it would be courteous if people were honest when they're not interested, but her lack of enthusiasm and dodging your invite should be enough for you to realize she's not into it.

 

Yeah I understand that’s true and well I apologized for it but who knows I guess it’s another that bites the dust..... :/

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah I understand that’s true and well I apologized for it but who knows I guess it’s another that bites the dust..... :/

 

I know it's disappointing. But at least you didn't invest more time in this. And please, do keep in mind that this might have nothing to do with you personally, and simply be related to her own issues.

 

The right girl for you will reciprocate your interest. She's out there.

[Hockey52]

I know it's disappointing. But at least you didn't invest more time in this. And please, do keep in mind that this might have nothing to do with you personally, and simply be related to her own issues.

 

The right girl for you will reciprocate your interest. She's out there.

 

Yeah I know... not sure why I’m taking it so hard.. Feel down lately because there isn’t any logic to it. Ugh

[Juha]

It makes perfect logic, she is not interested in seeing you anymore but she is one of those weak people who is afraid of telling you that.

 

That is what the "don't wait around for me" comment was for.

 

Have to read between the lines with women like this. They never tell you the truth as they are afraid of confrontation or hurting someone else's feelings.

 

You will not hear from this girl again and your friend and fiance really did not know how she really is.

 

The going out with a friend line was either she went out with another guy or she lied about having plans so you would leave her alone.

 

Move on, find a better woman than this broken little toy

[Hockey52]

It makes perfect logic, she is not interested in seeing you anymore but she is one of those weak people who is afraid of telling you that.

 

That is what the "don't wait around for me" comment was for.

 

Have to read between the lines with women like this. They never tell you the truth as they are afraid of confrontation or hurting someone else's feelings.

 

You will not hear from this girl again and your friend and fiance really did not know how she really is.

 

The going out with a friend line was either she went out with another guy or she lied about having plans so you would leave her alone.

 

Move on, find a better woman than this broken little toy

 

Yeah that is true, If someone is interested they wont risk you leaving.. unless there is something going on personally that i don't know about. But i was kind enough offering whatever help needed if she needed time. Her loss i guess.. I wish i knew the truth.. I dont get how you get so hot texting everyday she was putting goo effort i liked to 0....

[kendahke]

A woman who is not interested is not a broken toy. She's not interested and never was in OP--he's the one who tried to make it out to be more than what it actually was because he needed it to be more than it actually was. That much is clear from 10 pages of this thread.

[coolheadal]

I understand OP and why he felt like this for that girl. But he has the right to share his wants and needs and he love her after 4 dates she should have told him the truth. She just stringed him along with lies. Yes I agree with the rest she wasn't into you as you had thought. When the buy and pay for the meals they're not. Most women don't do that. Only on your Birthday! I take that back some do anyway.

 

You will find the right woman to love you and want to be with you 100%. She will show it as well as express it. She would make you a good wife as well. It's going to happen soon.

 

Take care my friend!

[ExpatInItaly]

He doesn't love her after 4 dates, Al. He barely knows her.

 

Anyway, I agree he needs to move on. She was never all that interested and he will find someone who is.

[coolheadal]

He doesn't love her after 4 dates, Al. He barely knows her.

 

Anyway, I agree he needs to move on. She was never all that interested and he will find someone who is.

 

I am sure he knows this, but she must be something else for him to focus on her. She should have been honest to him though. False hope and then stabs him with another date for dinner with a so called (friend) aka guy friend..