The only power I have is IGNORING girls, but that leads nowhere

[LordVader]

I've never dated for a bunch of reasons, including not caring about unattractive girls.

 

 

So as for pretty girls, these days I just ignore them. I walk right past and don't look at them anymore. Sometimes I'm sure some of them are expecting me to glance at them, but I'm not playing that game anymore. It only makes them feel better, while getting me nowhere.

 

 

But at the same time now I'm even more off on another planet. If I assume NO cute girls want to talk to me, and ignore them, we never will talk.

 

 

I hate the GD planet

[preraph]

You have to date in your own attractiveness level to get anywhere. If you liked women more as people, you'd find more of them attractive.

[LordVader]

A big problem is I don't socialize at all, I don't talk to guys either. And I have a pretty low opinion of most people I see on a regular basis. All the guys are mostly wanna-be petty gangsters/thugs, that idolize rappers and sports......and the girls just watch soap-operas, american idol, and all that mindless brainwashing all day.

[ZA Dater]

You have to date in your own attractiveness level to get anywhere. If you liked women more as people, you'd find more of them attractive.

 

 

 

Absolute nonsense. Prey tell what your "formula" is for "attractiveness level".

[Mysterio]

Either way. Sometimes its best to take a break.

[Mysterio]

I am listneing to a Ytube talkshow host. He and his guest have stated that if they act that like they are not interested in a woman. It makes the woman want you.

 

I see this more and more. Show reasonable interest with women. Then the women are not into you as much.

[basil67]

I am listneing to a Ytube talkshow host. He and his guest have stated that if they act that like they are not interested in a woman. It makes the woman want you.

 

I see this more and more. Show reasonable interest with women. Then the women are not into you as much.

 

Yes...on the proviso that "not interested" means that you're not chasing her. As opposed to acting like she doesn't exist. You still have to be friendly enough for her to figure out if she'd like to spend more time with you.

[Mysterio]

I don't get this with women's perception of chasing them. Chasing to me means that once you asked them out. They say no and you keep trying to go out with them again. Your just clueless.

 

I don't know why it has to be this hard. How I see myself is well dressed, groomed, mannered. Cute in looks. Soft spoken and introspctive, warm, friendly. So for me to be single is 50% puzzling to me/ there are a lot of women that are attached.

[guest569]

You have let your negativity and low self esteem win. And probably don't realise. You convince yourself that no-one in the world is worthy of your time, blaming everyone else for the fact they are not worth talking to. When it is really just convenient because it allows you to stay in your comfort zone and keep to yourself. Is it something like that?

[ZA Dater]

You have let your negativity and low self esteem win. And probably don't realise. You convince yourself that no-one in the world is worthy of your time, blaming everyone else for the fact they are not worth talking to. When it is really just convenient because it allows you to stay in your comfort zone and keep to yourself. Is it something like that?

 

 

 

We don't know if the OP has tried or not. If he has and failed then his position seems reasonable to me.

 

 

If all you get doing something is negativity them you need to question why do it at all.

 

 

Much is made of comfort zones and frankly I think its completely irrelevant, it wouldn't make a difference if you pranced around in a yellow shirt with lime green pants, you still wouldn't get the time of day.

 

 

Being able to attract people is a multitude of things, you either some enough of them to get what you want or you have to few of them to get what you like but enough to get what you don't want.

 

 

I understand the OP's indifference, probably because I largely do the same for similar reasons.

 

 

However if OP wants to date and grovel then this approach will not work. If I were him, take stock, look at what people like, decide how many of those attributes you have and depending on that try to date, if you don't have enough of them don't even bother IMHO because you wont get anywhere at all. I have spent years proving this to be the case.

[Mysterio]

All men have to go slow and figure out who is single/attached. The only peace of mind that a man would have asking out a woman, would be if he is on a dating site.

 

Real life you have to always do detective work. All men should be finding out if the woman is single/available to date, way before finding out the comonalities you have with her.

[LordVader]

You have let your negativity and low self esteem win. And probably don't realise. You convince yourself that no-one in the world is worthy of your time, blaming everyone else for the fact they are not worth talking to. When it is really just convenient because it allows you to stay in your comfort zone and keep to yourself. Is it something like that?

You got that right, my problems have really got to me, and i have stopped socializing altogether. I don't want to turn into a truly crazy person.

 

People often make fun of me, I've had that most my life. I don't make fun of people, they attack me, I'm the victim, so that's a big reason I've withdrawn so much over the years.

 

I haven't tried online dating in years. If I do tho, I better tell the truth that I'm not a social person.

 

 

There must be lots of girls that aren't social either, and don't want/have a bunch of friends.

[Mike800]

You have to date in your own attractiveness level to get anywhere. If you liked women more as people, you'd find more of them attractive.

 

You really seem to be into this case system of looks. So the better looking a person is the better they are and higher level they are automatically then someone else?

 

If I believed your line of thinking I never would have gone out with women way better looking then me and vice versa.

 

But fortunately not everyone is hung up on looks as you.

[caveman621]

I've never dated for a bunch of reasons, including not caring about unattractive girls.

 

OK. My two cents. If you want to date, maybe someone who is not a knockout? IMHO, someone is better than nobody. You don't say how old you are, but, I think, as we age appearance is less and less important. But, yeah, people are initially attracted by appearance. Again, someone who isn't perfectly in your "attractive" box might be more willing to date someone who considers himself not social. Gotta start somewhere!

[carhill]

OP, can you explain how you define the difference between 'pretty' and 'attractive' if there is one for you? Are all 'pretty' people attractive to you and, if not, why not?

 

I've admired many beautiful women in life but few have been attractive to me as persons for intimate relationships. Had some good friendships with some over the decades. Lovely ladies but they didn't 'do it' for me romantically. How does it go for you?

 

IME, the less I thought about things, like this purposeful ignoring you're doing right now (BTDT), the smoother life went and more opportunities came along. Thought less, felt more. Didn't realize it at the time though.

[bathtub-row]

Your actions show that women control you on many levels. You should probably go to college, make contact with more intellectual people, and stop hanging around numbskulls. If necessary, move to a city that flows more with your mentality. It’s a great way to start fresh and lose the losers.

[Normm]

So as for pretty girls, these days I just ignore them. I walk right past and don't look at them anymore. Sometimes I'm sure some of them are expecting me to glance at them, but I'm not playing that game anymore. It only makes them feel better, while getting me nowhere.

 

 

Perhaps they give you a quick glance because you strike them as being odd or different or they don't even notice you at all. Whatever interaction there might have been 5 seconds later they have no recollection of ever passing you.

[Normm]

If all you get doing something is negativity them you need to question why do it at all.

 

Wrong. If all you get doing something is negativity than you need to question how to go about doing it differently.

[brigit87]

 

I hate the GD planet

 

Well, I hear Mars is going to start populating soon so maybe ....

 

But if you do stay here Mr.Vader then you'll need to make nice with the Earth girls.

[basil67]

You really seem to be into this case system of looks. So the better looking a person is the better they are and higher level they are automatically then someone else?

 

If I believed your line of thinking I never would have gone out with women way better looking then me and vice versa.

 

But fortunately not everyone is hung up on looks as you.

 

Mike, I'm like you - I rate personality over everything else. But if you hang around here long enough you will realise that Preraph's comments reflect the very large majority. I asked hubby what his opinion is for real life and he didn't hesitate to agree with what we're reading here about looks.

 

And while Preraph is simply stating what it's like for many, you'll read post after post of people who only want good looking people. It does my head in, but it's the way it is.

[preraph]

You got that right, my problems have really got to me, and i have stopped socializing altogether. I don't want to turn into a truly crazy person.

 

People often make fun of me, I've had that most my life. I don't make fun of people, they attack me, I'm the victim, so that's a big reason I've withdrawn so much over the years.

 

I haven't tried online dating in years. If I do tho, I better tell the truth that I'm not a social person.

 

 

There must be lots of girls that aren't social either, and don't want/have a bunch of friends.

 

 

When you start believing that you are right and the rest of the world is wrong, it's time to get into therapy. Nothing wrong with getting help. I mean, when you think everyone else is the problem -- the problem is you. So just get yourself into therapy and try to sort out the root of your problems. If it turns out to be just anxiety, this is very treatable, but you have to be willing to follow instructions. For people with anxiety, even taking the step to seek help is difficult, but it must be done if you want your life to improve, and we all hope to see you happier in the future.

[basil67]

I don't get this with women's perception of chasing them. Chasing to me means that once you asked them out. They say no and you keep trying to go out with them again. Your just clueless.

 

I don't know why it has to be this hard. How I see myself is well dressed, groomed, mannered. Cute in looks. Soft spoken and introspctive, warm, friendly. So for me to be single is 50% puzzling to me/ there are a lot of women that are attached.

 

Ah yes, "chasing" was a poor choice of wording by me. Perhaps "showing interest in dating me" would be more accurate. For me, a guy would have to pique my interest before I'd consider dating him. This is why I've always had a strong aversion to guys who cold approach. Why would I go out with a guy who I know nothing about? Just to be clear, I was never a 'lets be friends first' type of woman....I just wanted to know that we could have interesting conversation before even thinking about him in a dating way.

[LordVader]

OP, can you explain how you define the difference between 'pretty' and 'attractive' if there is one for you? Are all 'pretty' people attractive to you and, if not, why not?

 

I've admired many beautiful women in life but few have been attractive to me as persons for intimate relationships. Had some good friendships with some over the decades. Lovely ladies but they didn't 'do it' for me romantically. How does it go for you?

 

IME, the less I thought about things, like this purposeful ignoring you're doing right now (BTDT), the smoother life went and more opportunities came along. Thought less, felt more. Didn't realize it at the time though.

IDK I just mean my natural ability to look at a girl and get a big natural smile from looking at her.

 

 

Even with my prob's I could have maybe dated, but never did so I'm that much further behind compared to most girls, it's just that much worse.

 

 

Many people just have sad lives, we were broken so long ago that there's not much to do

[Mike800]

Mike, I'm like you - I rate personality over everything else. But if you hang around here long enough you will realise that Preraph's comments reflect the very large majority. I asked hubby what his opinion is for real life and he didn't hesitate to agree with what we're reading here about looks.

 

And while Preraph is simply stating what it's like for many, you'll read post after post of people who only want good looking people. It does my head in, but it's the way it is.

 

There’s also a reason why some post on here and are perpetually single.

 

If looks is your main criteria or you’re not very flexible what you can find attractive you’re shrinking your dating pool and ignoring some possible great connections.

 

Iam not saying you should be repulsed by your partner but I don’t understand people who have such rigid standards physically.

 

Have they never connected with someone who was less then perfect physically?

[Juha]

You have to date in your own attractiveness level to get anywhere. If you liked women more as people, you'd find more of them attractive.

 

Do not listen to this bs of your level....