Does he love me ?

[Noah22]

Short but honest timeline of my relationship and the other girl.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We met at university through a society though he was senior to me.

 

I joined the university in 2015 and he joined in 2014. But we met through a society and we have a large group of mutual friends. All our friends know each other.

 

We don't live together. Never did. He had his own accommodation and I have mine. However, we would go to each others place for getting intimate etc.

 

We never stayed together during the term holidays either. He would leave for his country and I would leave for mine.

Sometimes he would stay back for a little while but I would leave for home. Or go to holidays to different countries with my BFFS.

 

On many ocassions when my friends and I had a huge dinner party or a fun meeting, he wouldn't be there.

 

My best friends are my flatmates and we always hang out and go out together. He is good friends with them (as we all are mutual friends) but he has never joined us in our outings.

 

He takes me out from time to time but I feel that a deep connection is not there.

He also does not get jealous or anything if I hang out with other guys. I have been to other guy friends presentations and parties but he has never expressed jealousy..

 

Back to the girl whom he met last year, he has pursued her in my presence which I didnt know of. He would openly stare at her in front of some many people and even our friends had caught him. He was even asking 1 of our friends about how she looks etc.

 

Since 2017, he has been trying to settle himself with her but things never worked in his favour. He finally got angry with her and they are no longer seeing each other as she has left the country. He also never told her about me and even in anger, did not mention he has me in his life.

 

If he doesn't love me then why does he keep touching me or flirting or taking me out? He's always holding me by the shoulder, taking me out , sex and flirting.

 

What is this mean?

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, assuming this is the same issue you posted about in your previous thread, the answers to your questions are all there.

 

I realize mods asked you to please post an honest and consistent account of your story, so you've started this new thread, but the problem you have with this guy is the same, isn't it?:

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/660743-what-behaviour

 

Anyway, to answer your question, no, I don't believe he loves you. Based on what you wrote here and your other threads, he views this a casual arrangement with you. It's not serious.

Edited August 14, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

[Noah22]

OP, assuming this is the same issue you posted about in your previous thread, the answers to your questions are all there.

 

I realize mods asked you to please post an honest and consistent account of your story, so you've started this new thread, but the problem you have with this guy is the same, isn't it?:

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/660743-what-behaviour

 

Anyway, to answer your question, no, I don't believe he loves you. Based on what you wrote here and your other threads, he views this a casual arrangement with you. It's not serious.

 

Yes its the same.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes its the same.

 

In that case, I don't think you're going to get different responses on this thread.

 

What factors or circumstances would you like us to take into consideration that you left out in your other thread?

[Noah22]

In that case, I don't think you're going to get different responses on this thread.

 

What factors or circumstances would you like us to take into consideration that you left out in your other thread?

 

More info about us .

[Zahara]

 

If he doesn't love me then why does he keep touching me or flirting or taking me out? He's always holding me by the shoulder, taking me out , sex and flirting.

 

What is this mean?

 

You need to understand that all of the above does not mean someone loves you.

 

A person can do all those things to you without loving you. Those are benefits that he’s getting without the commitment.

 

Based on your threads, no he does not love you. He uses you to get what he wants.

[Zahara]

Double post.

[ExpatInItaly]

More info about us .

 

That's what I'm asking: which info was not in your last thread?

 

I read it through, and I don't really see much difference between the two posts, other than he never wants to join you with your friends.

 

Can you clarify?

[Noah22]

You need to understand that all of the above does not mean someone loves you.

 

A person can do all those things to you without loving you. Those are benefits that he’s getting without the commitment.

 

Based on your threads, no he does not love you. He uses you to get what he wants.

 

What is your view about this girl?

[Noah22]

That's what I'm asking: which info was not in your last thread?

 

I read it through, and I don't really see much difference between the two posts, other than he never wants to join you with your friends.

 

Can you clarify?

 

Yes the details about friends and hang outs. Plus the fact hes now separated from her again

[brigit87]

Back to the girl whom he met last year, he has pursued her in my presence which I didnt know of. He would openly stare at her in front of some many people and even our friends had caught him. He was even asking 1 of our friends about how she looks etc.

 

Since 2017, he has been trying to settle himself with her but things never worked in his favour. He finally got angry with her and they are no longer seeing each other as she has left the country. He also never told her about me and even in anger, did not mention he has me in his life.

 

If he doesn't love me then why does he keep touching me or flirting or taking me out? He's always holding me by the shoulder, taking me out , sex and flirting.

 

What is this mean?

 

He really likes her. Wants her.

 

He thinks you're a fun friend. He's using you as a substitute until he finds what he really wants and then he'll stop taking you out.

 

That's my opinion.

[Noah22]

He really likes her. Wants her.

 

He thinks you're a fun friend. He's using you as a substitute until he finds what he really wants and then he'll stop taking you out.

 

That's my opinion.

 

But he keep getting angry at her when she dont come and talk to him. If he likes her how does he afford to spoil his chances with her?

 

Though when she stop talking to him, he began greeting her. Also he remember how she ask him for free time but he told her she asked him for coffee.

[brigit87]

But he keep getting angry at her when she dont come and talk to him. If he likes her how does he afford to spoil his chances with her?

 

Though when she stop talking to him, he began greeting her. Also he remember how she ask him for free time but he told her she asked him for coffee.

 

Sounds like she's doing a great job at keeping him interested. She goes hot and cold. Men love that crap.

[Noah22]

Sounds like she's doing a great job at keeping him interested. She goes hot and cold. Men love that crap.

 

As far as i know he would go mad if she didnt approach him and ignore her so she quit talking. So he start greeting her.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes the details about friends and hang outs. Plus the fact hes now separated from her again

 

It doesn't change my answer here, nor what I repeated many times in your last thread: I don't believe he loves you, no.

[Noah22]

It doesn't change my answer here, nor what I repeated many times in your last thread: I don't believe he loves you, no.

 

Wont this separation and anger make him forget her and make him fall for me?

[ExpatInItaly]

Wont this separation and anger make him forget her and make him fall for me?

 

Again, no.

 

His feelings for you are not strong. He will eventually move on to someone else altogether.

[Zahara]

What is your view about this girl?

 

He is interested in this girl. It's very apparent.

 

But let's put that aside. Two different issues going on here.

 

Regardless of which and what woman comes into his life -- his view of you is no more than just a woman that he uses to fulfill his needs. That's what you should be focusing on. Is that what you want to be? The problem here is not this woman -- the problem here is what are you to him. And you already have your answer. He does not love you. And unfortunately, when you show a man that you do not have any self-respect, he's not going to place you in a position of value.

Edited August 14, 2018 by Zahara

[Exformer]

Wont this separation and anger make him forget her and make him fall for me?

 

 

It's got nothing to do with the other girl. You're misdirecting and wasting your energy at beating or being superior option to this other girl. She doesn't matter. If she goes, he'll keep looking for another one. Maybe you'll get a little more attention between finding the next one, but there will be a next one...and one after that and so on.

 

 

 

Here's the deal, he knows what you bring to the table. He's attracted enough to enjoy it... but he doesn't like you enough to not want more from someone else...whoever that maybe.

 

 

 

Its not this one girl that's the problem, its that you want to be more to someone than you are, and he wants more than what he feels for you. he just doesn't have a problem settling for you when better options don't present themselves.

 

 

 

He's not going to fall for you harder than he has. That's not your fault, and that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you...that's his issue and his problem. He's using you and you let him. But you can pull the plug on being a willing runner up, and find someone who does value and treat you as number one.

[Noah22]

Again, no.

 

His feelings for you are not strong. He will eventually move on to someone else altogether.

 

What if she comes again?

[Noah22]

He is interested in this girl. It's very apparent.

 

But let's put that aside. Two different issues going on here.

 

Regardless of which and what woman comes into his life -- his view of you is no more than just a woman that he uses to fulfill his needs. That's what you should be focusing on. Is that what you want to be? The problem here is not this woman -- the problem here is what are you to him. And you already have your answer. He does not love you. And unfortunately, when you show a man that you do not have any self-respect, he's not going to place you in a position of value.

 

Ok but why get angry at her?

[Zahara]

Ok but why get angry at her?

 

You sound like another poster who was on a similar spiral -- Natasha.

 

If you are that poster, the advice is the same.

 

He is angry at her because she isn't giving into him. She has a backbone and to him, that is a challenge and he's upset that he cannot have what he wants.

 

You need to focus on how he is treating you. Forget about who or what woman is involved in his life.

 

Focus On How He Is Treating You. Find your self-respect and walk away. If he doesn't end up with this woman, he will move on to someone else. Your situation with him will never change.

[Noah22]

You sound like another poster who was on a similar spiral -- Natasha.

 

If you are that poster, the advice is the same.

 

He is angry at her because she isn't giving into him. She has a backbone and to him, that is a challenge and he's upset that he cannot have what he wants.

 

You need to focus on how he is treating you. Forget about who or what woman is involved in his life.

 

Focus On How He Is Treating You. Find your self-respect and walk away. If he doesn't end up with this woman, he will move on to someone else. Your situation with him will never change.

 

What if he falls in love with me?

[brigit87]

He is interested in this girl. It's very apparent.

 

But let's put that aside. Two different issues going on here.

 

Regardless of which and what woman comes into his life -- his view of you is no more than just a woman that he uses to fulfill his needs. That's what you should be focusing on. Is that what you want to be? The problem here is not this woman -- the problem here is what are you to him. And you already have your answer. He does not love you. And unfortunately, when you show a man that you do not have any self-respect, he's not going to place you in a position of value.

 

This is a good post. The fact is you cannot force someone to want you. You can make yourself available, do stuff to him he likes, laugh at his jokes, try to find things you think he's interested in and he still won't change his feelings. Men's desires are fixed. Either you got what they want or you don't.

 

OP find a guy who wants what you have.

 

This one doesn't love you.

Only wants to use you when theres so one better to have sex with.

Time to talk to your therapist about this obsession. It's becoming out of control.

[Noah22]

This is a good post. The fact is you cannot force someone to want you. You can make yourself available, do stuff to him he likes, laugh at his jokes, try to find things you think he's interested in and he still won't change his feelings. Men's desires are fixed. Either you got what they want or you don't.

 

OP find a guy who wants what you have.

 

This one doesn't love you.

Only wants to use you when theres so one better to have sex with.

Time to talk to your therapist about this obsession. It's becoming out of control.

 

He met her AFTER he met ME

 

And hes so affectionate with me then how he's using me?