brigit87 Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 He met her AFTER he met ME And hes so affectionate with me then how he's using me? Right. He met you and thought you were OK, then he met her and thought she was amazing. Affection isn't love. He will NEVER fall in love with you. I'm sorry but that's what all the signs point to. FIND SOMEONE ELSE. And if I remember correctly there seems to be another element going on here. I asked you before if you're a guy and you never answered. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 What if he falls in love with me? When a woman shows a man that she has no self-respect and allows a man to treat her as a second option, when she allows a man to use her and when she shows him that she will tolerate just about anything to be with him -- he is never going to place you any higher than you already are because in his eyes, you have devalued yourself and in turn, he has devalued you. It's evident because in all this time, you are still in the same place you have always been. That boat has sailed. A man wants to be with a woman shows self-worth. A woman that will not stand for anything less than what she deserves and when he sees that, it becomes a prize he wants to win. He isn't going to fall in love with you. If he hasn't in all this time, it is never going to happen. He stays with you because you are Plan B. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 And hes so affectionate with me then how he's using me? Affection is not love. A man can have passionate sex with you, kiss you all over, hold your hand, whisper sweet nothings in your ear, gaze in your eyes, take you to expensive restaurants, buy you gifts -- all that does not equate to love. A man can do all these things and compartmentalize his emotions. He can do all these things without getting emotionally attached. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah22 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Share Posted August 14, 2018 When a woman shows a man that she has no self-respect and allows a man to treat her as a second option, when she allows a man to use her and when she shows him that she will tolerate just about anything to be with him -- he is never going to place you any higher than you already are because in his eyes, you have devalued yourself and in turn, he has devalued you. It's evident because in all this time, you are still in the same place you have always been. That boat has sailed. A man wants to be with a woman shows self-worth. A woman that will not stand for anything less than what she deserves and when he sees that, it becomes a prize he wants to win. He isn't going to fall in love with you. If he hasn't in all this time, it is never going to happen. He stays with you because you are Plan B. U say men want to be with self worth women. I do have self worth. But if that is the case then how come this man has shown resentment when according to u all, the other girl has a backbone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah22 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Share Posted August 14, 2018 Affection is not love. A man can have passionate sex with you, kiss you all over, hold your hand, whisper sweet nothings in your ear, gaze in your eyes, take you to expensive restaurants, buy you gifts -- all that does not equate to love. A man can do all these things and compartmentalize his emotions. He can do all these things without getting emotionally attached. What is ur opinion on his relationship with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah22 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Share Posted August 14, 2018 Right. He met you and thought you were OK, then he met her and thought she was amazing. Affection isn't love. He will NEVER fall in love with you. I'm sorry but that's what all the signs point to. FIND SOMEONE ELSE. And if I remember correctly there seems to be another element going on here. I asked you before if you're a guy and you never answered. I'm not a guy. Noah is a girl's name as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 U say men want to be with self worth women. I do have self worth. A woman with self-worth does not put herself in this situation. She does not sit back and wait to be chosen or wait to be loved. She does not allow herself to be an option, ESPECIALLY when she knows that there is another woman involved. If you had your self-worth intact, you wouldn't still be struggling in a situation that has offered you very little. But if that is the case then how come this man has shown resentment when according to u all, the other girl has a backbone? He is showing resentment because he is upset that he cannot have her. It's like losing a race. You are mad that you didn't win the prize. He's upset that he isn't getting what he wants from her. It's very simple. You're in so much denial that you do not want to accept your reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah22 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Share Posted August 14, 2018 A woman with self-worth does not put herself in this situation. She does not sit back and wait to be chosen or wait to be loved. She does not allow herself to be an option, ESPECIALLY when she knows that there is another woman involved. He is showing resentment because he is upset that he cannot have her. It's like losing a race. You are mad that you didn't win the prize. He's upset that he isn't getting what he wants from her. It's very simple. You're in so much denial that you do not want to accept your reality. Ok. Di u think he wants her sexually or relation coz this has been going on for 1 year ever since they met. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 Back to the girl whom he met last year, he has pursued her in my presence which I didnt know of. He would openly stare at her in front of some many people and even our friends had caught him. He was even asking 1 of our friends about how she looks etc. Self-worth would mean you walking away from a man that is pursuing a woman while he is with you. You're still on LS trying to find some shred of hope that this man loves you. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 Ok. Di u think he wants her sexually or relation coz this has been going on for 1 year ever since they met. Does it matter? He wants another woman. Whether sexual or not, he wants another woman. If you are fine being Plan B, then do so. But don't expect anything more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah22 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Share Posted August 14, 2018 Does it matter? He wants another woman. Whether sexual or not, he wants another woman. If you are fine being Plan B, then do so. But don't expect anything more. I fail to understand what he sees in her when hes getting everything with me. I do not understand Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 I fail to understand what he sees in her when hes getting everything with me. I do not understand He's attracted to her. It's very simple. Not everyone is going to love you or like you. People have preferences. He met you. He treated you as a casual lover. Then she came along and she's caught his interest for other reasons. Like I said before, a man can enjoy all the benefits you give him -- that does not mean he has to love you or will love you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 I fail to understand what he sees in her when hes getting everything with me. I do not understand We can't make you understand, Noah. All of us have tried repeatedly to explain it to you, in many different ways. Your last thread was full of you asking these exact questions and getting more or less exactly the same responses. Obsessing over it won't change anything. It won't help you understand when you don't want to understand, which is what I believe is going on here. And really, how will it change anything for you? It's clear you're not going anywhere until he breaks it off with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Exformer Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 I fail to understand what he sees in her when hes getting everything with me. I do not understand He's not getting everything from you. He's getting everything he can get out of you. There's a difference. She's giving him the passion, desire or just plan attraction and interest at a level he doesn't get from you. That's not to say you aren't offering things he likes a some level, but that level just falls short somewhere to the point he knows he has to find it else where. that's why he's pursuing another girl and you're only called in when he has to settle for less than what he really wants...because a little something is better than a lot of nothing. Cut your losses and save some dignity. You're so caught up in comparing yourself to this other girl, and you're projecting all of you stress and fear onto this outsider...but its all misplaced distraction from the reality you refuse to face. Leave him and find real happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah22 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Share Posted August 14, 2018 He's attracted to her. It's very simple. Not everyone is going to love you or like you. People have preferences. He met you. He treated you as a casual lover. Then she came along and she's caught his interest for other reasons. Like I said before, a man can enjoy all the benefits you give him -- that does not mean he has to love you or will love you. Based on his best friend observation they had weird eye contact like as if he could or she could stare into her/his eyes for long without saying a word. It is creepy to stare into each others eyes like this and this is weird? Link to post Share on other sites
brigit87 Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 A woman with self-worth does not put herself in this situation. She does not sit back and wait to be chosen or wait to be loved. She does not allow herself to be an option, ESPECIALLY when she knows that there is another woman involved. If you had your self-worth intact, you wouldn't still be struggling in a situation that has offered you very little. You're making a lot of good points Zahara. But even if OP decides to "show" him she has self-worth and stops calling him, texting him, and just ignores him he will still not want her. TBH I have low self-worth and men have still wanted me. Chemistry is weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah22 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Share Posted August 14, 2018 He's not getting everything from you. He's getting everything he can get out of you. There's a difference. She's giving him the passion, desire or just plan attraction and interest at a level he doesn't get from you. That's not to say you aren't offering things he likes a some level, but that level just falls short somewhere to the point he knows he has to find it else where. that's why he's pursuing another girl and you're only called in when he has to settle for less than what he really wants...because a little something is better than a lot of nothing. Cut your losses and save some dignity. You're so caught up in comparing yourself to this other girl, and you're projecting all of you stress and fear onto this outsider...but its all misplaced distraction from the reality you refuse to face. Leave him and find real happiness. Ok little info. My bf is a white guy and both of us are scandinavians but our heritage is different. I'm latina by roots and hes jewish. But this girl is not european or white. She is ethnic . Their race is different, their religion is different, everything is different. There is a huge gap so i do not understand what level of attraction can he have towards a girl so vastly different from him. That too at 1st sight. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 Ok little info. My bf is a white guy and both of us are scandinavians but our heritage is different. I'm latina by roots and hes jewish. But this girl is not european or white. She is ethnic . Their race is different, their religion is different, everything is different. There is a huge gap so i do not understand what level of attraction can he have towards a girl so vastly different from him So? Are you suggesting someone cannot be attracted to a person who is ethnically different? That's a pretty close-minded and narrow view, OP. You're grasping at straws because the truth hurts you too much to face. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 Based on his best friend observation they had weird eye contact like as if he could or she could stare into her/his eyes for long without saying a word. It is creepy to stare into each others eyes like this and this is weird? Oh, Noah. What to say to you to make you focus on what's important. Does it matter what a stare mean? He is interested and attracted to her. I think if he slept with her today, you'd come on LS asking us what that means. You have to have some self-awareness to see this for what it is and if you believe you have self-worth, you would be walking away. It would be best for you to seek a professional help. Your obsession is disturbing and you inability to see through things are concerning. You've created other threads with different usernames and it's apparent that you've become lost in this. That's very unhealthy. You are young -- how will you attempt other relationships in your future when you have no sense of self? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 You're making a lot of good points Zahara. But even if OP decides to "show" him she has self-worth and stops calling him, texting him, and just ignores him he will still not want her. TBH I have low self-worth and men have still wanted me. Chemistry is weird. He will not want her because self-worth isn't restored overnight. She will still be the same person she is the next morning and he will know that. Avoiding him is just a small step toward reclaiming your self-respect and value. The journey towards self-development is long and it takes time and effort to find your sense of self. Yes, men will still want you. I was in this place once before and often I only attracted men that were very unhealthy for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah22 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Share Posted August 14, 2018 So? Are you suggesting someone cannot be attracted to a person who is ethnically different? That's a pretty close-minded and narrow view, OP. You're grasping at straws because the truth hurts you too much to face. I'm not saying that. I'm saying what common point they would have. A girl who has nothing in common with him. At least we are scandinavians and since most of our friends are latinos, that is also ok. But she is hugely different so i just wondered how he being so different had "love at first sight" with her Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 I'm not saying that. I'm saying what common point they would have. A girl who has nothing in common with him. At least we are scandinavians and since most of our friends are latinos, that is also ok. But she is hugely different so i just wondered how he being so different had "love at first sight" with her Because people are generally attracted to the person, not their religious beliefs or ethnic background. You need to practice more inclusive thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah22 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Share Posted August 14, 2018 Oh, Noah. What to say to you to make you focus on what's important. Does it matter what a stare mean? He is interested and attracted to her. I think if he slept with her today, you'd come on LS asking us what that means. You have to have some self-awareness to see this for what it is and if you believe you have self-worth, you would be walking away. It would be best for you to seek a professional help. Your obsession is disturbing and you inability to see through things are concerning. You've created other threads with different usernames and it's apparent that you've become lost in this. That's very unhealthy. You are young -- how will you attempt other relationships in your future when you have no sense of self? Ok tell me do u believe in soulmate coz his bff was doing some numerological astrology and said that if 1 of their birthday numbers came out to be the exact same, then it is a soulmate connection and unfortunately 1 of those numbers came out exact same. He told me to leave him based on this but i just wanted comfirmation Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah22 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Share Posted August 14, 2018 Because people are generally attracted to the person, not their religious beliefs or ethnic background. You need to practice more inclusive thinking. Ok but she is gone so shes probably in his past now. I dont think yhey will ever meet again so it could mean he may realise that just attractive looks isnt everything and fall for me? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 I'm not saying that. I'm saying what common point they would have. A girl who has nothing in common with him. At least we are scandinavians and since most of our friends are latinos, that is also ok. But she is hugely different so i just wondered how he being so different had "love at first sight" with her Race/nationality has absolutely zero play in this. You are grasping at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
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