bendit Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 Hey Baz Narcissists WILL ruin you. I have been involved with two in the last five years and they have ALmost done me in. But I escaped! They are the worst and nothing to mess around or experiment with. I am also codependent and the two fit hand in glove...Do the right thing and don't mess around with these disorders. They aren't our responsibility. I did exactly what you did with one of mine (histrionic). Tried to be detached and cool and in command but it DOES NOT Work because you are one thing to them and that is a source of "supply" and they never can get enough of that. You are nothing more than that. Remember that. So take it from me who tried to dance in friendship and I crashed on the shores. But I am NC full on now with both and my energy is going through the roof and I got a great learning experience. I know how to recognize them from a mile away and will forever steer clear. I wish you all the best my friend. Regards Mike Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baz Posted September 13, 2005 Author Share Posted September 13, 2005 Thx bud. Listen, you know im going to back on here when my mind starts to play tricks again so keep checking in ok! Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 I will. But you're ready Man. Be strong Bro. If I can do it so can you and I really really mean that. Regards Mike Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baz Posted September 25, 2005 Author Share Posted September 25, 2005 Update. So a week and a half ago following my chat on here I sent her a brief letter saying that it is now time for our final goodbyes. I enclosed a small book that I had found about how to fall in love. It was specifically written for damaged people. People who had not healed from past break ups and people who have dark pasts etc. I asked her to promise me that she would read it. I heard nothing for a week and then came home one evening to a text on my phone saying "thats funny ive just sent you the photos today. I promise I will read the book. Hug". I did not respond. Two days later the photos arrived along with a shirt! This is where I weakened. Instead of throwing the lot in the trash can I sent her an email saying that I had received the photos and that it was weird to see her ugly mug again. I also thanked her for the shirt. Back came an email saying that they were not the best pictures of her. So I replied and said dont be so hard on yourself. Next minute another email comes through with recent photos of her and boy did she look like crap!! She looked like mutton dressed up lamb. Her eyes were full of stress and worry. She looked like she was trying desperatley to hang on to sanity!! Anyway I replied and said that she was look good (LOL), wished her well for her holiday in February and signed off. So now there is no reason whatsoever for contact. She knows I have asked her to leave me alone and she knows that my affectionate tone has gone. Now Im heading for the long painful phase of recovery and it is going to be tough. Having said that I have just spent the weekend with my ex ex. We have spoken in detail about my ex and my codependancy issues. It was lovely and she understood what I was saying which is great therapy. Next week im meeting her again and lots of friends for my birthday and im really looking forwards to it. Suddenly I am beginning to realise my true value again. I am beginning to see that I am the prize and that I have been sucked down to a level that is so low the rats dont even go there, only f'ked up loosers like my ex. Bendit, you are right about strength coming back once you start to build boundaries again. It is tough to do but my god, my self esteem is kicking into life again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baz Posted October 4, 2005 Author Share Posted October 4, 2005 So it was my birthday last week. Went downstairs and there is a text meassage waiting for me from the ex congratulating me on reaching my ripe old age. she went on to say "I wish I could give you a big hug". Ouch! Anyway i'm afraid to say that I responded saying thanks. She responded by asking me what I was doing to celebrate so I told her. (My ex ex had invited me to a surprise party with some frinds in another town!). I didn't hear back from her for about three hours and her answer spoke volumes of her annoyance that she has walked slap bang into the perfect brush off. I didn't respond. I have heard nothing since. Needless to say my weekend away was great fun. So, I truly believe that I will never hear from her again now, and whats so good is that i had the last word. I know it is sad to think like this but it felt so good to be able to show her that she no longer could manipulate me the way that she has done for so long. To be honest I didn't think I had the strength to do it but I did and that is a big step. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 I didn't hear back from her for about three hours and her answer spoke volumes of her annoyance that she has walked slap bang into the perfect brush off. What did she say? So, I truly believe that I will never hear from her again now I wouldn't count on this... but well done for being strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baz Posted October 4, 2005 Author Share Posted October 4, 2005 It was short and unemotional, unlike the two previous texts that day which she signed off with "hug". The last one basically said something like - "that will be nice, enjoy the beer. Take care" Notice no hug. I have to say that I was cordial throughout so I wasn't being horrible, just matter of fact. The only nasty thing I did was when I told her my ex ex had invited me away for a surprise party, i signed off with a "hug". It really was the finger to her and I think she knew it... I knew she would contact me on my birthday and knew which way the conversation was going to go so I had my responses ready in my head. I do feel better for it too!! Thx for your support by the way RR. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 The last one basically said something like - "that will be nice, enjoy the beer. Take care" Notice no hug. Hmmm. Well, I wouldn't say she was being off with you, just that she realised you were moving on. Gives her something to think about, but I don't think that closed the door. Thx for your support by the way RR My pleasure. I know what it's like Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Take care The words void of all emotion.. I have seen 'em before and they go right thru you. Those words are chosen on purpose to drive a point home.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baz Posted October 4, 2005 Author Share Posted October 4, 2005 Thx ArtCritic, driving what point home...? Is she not accepting the situation for what it is or is she trying to manipulate me again? If she is then i missed it which must be a good sign! Link to post Share on other sites
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