Ex asked for a lunch after 1 year NC, but is now acting hot and cold?

[faithandfood]

So went through a bad breakup a year ago with my first ex (first relationship). I'm 20, he's 29. Dated for 8 months. Long story short: my ex kept sexually pressuring, lied, manipulate, etc. Was a very hard breakup because this was the first person I opened up in seven years. There were several events that occurred after the breakup, which added more hurt. Had to attend therapy throughout my sophomore year as the hurt was too much & I was applying to nursing school. Ignored all his attempts of communication so I could heal. Last talked to him last October & saw him at a lounge in March (ignored him and he was pissed). I've also dated trash guys since then..so mentally I have moved on.

 

Now..about two weeks ago, he followed me on Instagram, which shocked me as he then sent me a message "How you been. I miss you." I was careful with my replies as they were short and civil. He then asked if we could meet for lunch this week, which I agreed. Thinking it could probably bring me closure or an apology..which I never received. He then liked some of my pics and that was that. Not only that, he then texted my #, which I have deleted since June. He just asked basic questions like "wyd". But I noticed he would reply one to two days. Mind you, this is a DJ so he's always on his phone. Most of my friends advised that I should be careful..observe he changed and all that. I can tell this is already a red flag. Even I last texted him and no reply.

 

Well yesterday was interesting. I saw him at the same lounge from March. He was DJIng. He didn't recognize me at first as I had to wave. He then came up to me, gave me a hug, and we talked for like two minutes. He just asked how my fam was and where were my friends (I came alone but just told him they were coming..) He then left and talked to this girl that was farther from me for a bit. I was alone & throughout the night, I watched him dance and stuff. Thought he would come since I was alone..but he didn't. I just watched him dance and stuff. After these guys saw that I was alone, they started talking to me. Ex saw that. Also another guy I met in May talked to me for a bit. Ex saw that too..

 

So after those guys left. I went back to sit alone and then my ex was like "go home (somewhat serious face).. Your friends left? I said yes and that I'm staying. Maybe that he would try and talk to me for a bit. He just went outside and came back..and didn't come back After they left.. i waited for 5 more minutes No sign of tryjng to talk. Don't know if he was jealous or maybe I should have talked to him more. I just left without saying bye.

 

So he hasn't texted me since then. I last texted him and it's been nothing since. I don't even know if the lunch is still going on. It just hurts.. That after a year, he would at least try and put more effort. Was I wrong for not talking to him as much?

Hasn't texted me or anything & it's been three days.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why on earth would you want to have lunch (or anything else) with this guy?

 

Forget about him, OP. He's not good for you.

[SpecialJ]

Your ex is not a good dude and he's wasting your time. You don't need to worry about why, it has nothing to do with you.

 

But you then also said, "I've also dated trash guys since then.."

 

So maybe what you should think about instead is yourself. Why have you spent the last two years dating trash guys? That's not going to make it any easier to really open up to someone... they'll reinforce your difficulty because they're not treating you right.

[Zahara]

The only thing you’ve done wrong is to allow him access into your life again. What could you possibly want from a guy that disrespected you in the past and caused you so much pain that you had to seek therapy to overcome. You mentioned you’ve been dating trashy men, well you’re seeking another one. Stop the pattern. If this is the only kind of guys you’re coming across, you need to change your dating mindset. Your picker is broken. You seem to be attracted to guys that treat you badly.

 

Why are you even revisiting him and attempting reconciliation? When you show a man that you tolerate poor treatment, he’s going to keep disrespecting you. And guess what, allowing him back into your life just showed him that you STILL have no boundaries or self-respect. And he’s caused you negativity again.

 

Remember who he truly is. Go back and read your past threads. He threw bait and you gobbled it up. Why? Stay away from him and move on with your life.

Edited August 15, 2018 by Zahara

[stillafool]

He didn't want to apologize to you for his past behavior nor did he want to get back together or spend time with you. He was just checking in and he probably does miss you as a friend. You shouldn't have went down to that club where you knew he was DJing. I'm sure he knew you were there alone just to have a chance to be with him which fed his ego but hurt yours since he wasn't interested in that. Block him from contacting you again, stop dating trash guys (as this one seems to be also) and move on with your life. You'll be okay.

[preraph]

He was just seeing if someone he treated like dirt would still agree to go to lunch with him. He probably had a little personal setback and wanted some ego validation that he still "has it." He isn't sorry or remorseful. He's still treating you like you're disposable -- and if you keep picking yourself up out of the trash bin to run to him, you're doing that to yourself.

 

Block his sorry butt on everything and stop going to his club.