A Tinder experiment

[ZA Dater]

So what happens when you use heavily edited pictures, well its amazing you get 5X as many matches and far better matches too. Admittedly this is a case of bait and switch but if nothing else its really shown me what ACTUALLY matters.

 

 

No real surprise there but at least I get a few more minutes of sleep knowing the issues are ones I cannot fix, that charm, that supposed "out of your comfort zone" wont make any difference if you are deemed ugly.

 

 

Perhaps this was the sort of closure I needed in some respects, what is also interesting is I don't need to work too hard at these conversations, if anything I get msgd first and they actually try and carry on a conversation, even if I am slightly indifferent.

 

 

One offered to meet up almost immediately.

 

 

Basically all this did is showed me no matter what I did it wouldn't make a difference.

 

 

And you know what I actually feel much better, I can wear that cynicism on my sleeve again and walk around with that bitterness safe in the knowledge nothing I could do or can do will change my dating prospects.

[Blanco]

Well the important thing is you were finally able to absolve yourself of any personal responsibility for your own life.

[ZA Dater]

Well the important thing is you were finally able to absolve yourself of any personal responsibility for your own life.

 

Well I can't change how I look so seeing as that is apparently the deal killer I can't really change that.

[Chilli]

well if that is the case then you do what most not so a good looking people do that are in the 100s in any shopping mall or street all over the world with lovely partners .

Your also a person and so are they , and their partners love them for who they are too not only looks.

Matter of fact if you want a really top gf or wifey , go for one that's not right up there in looks , best persons and partners you'll ever find.

 

so , your back to not really having a problem just an attitude.

Edited August 15, 2018 by Chilli

[basil67]

So how do you explain all the people who aren't beautiful who are in relationships?

[ZA Dater]

well if that is the case then you do what most not so a good looking people do that are in the 100s in any shopping mall or street all over the world with lovely partners .

Your also a person and so are they , and their partners love them for who they are too not only looks.

Matter of fact if you want a really top gf or wifey , go for one that's not right up there in looks , best persons and partners you'll ever find.

 

so , your back to not really having a problem just an attitude.

 

I'd rather have nothing than what I dont want. I think I look ok, the market disagrees. Simple really. The people I do match with don't interest me at all from an attraction point of view. As I say at least I feet better now knowing what the issue is and what is deemed the most important.

[ZA Dater]

So how do you explain all the people who aren't beautiful who are in relationships?

 

They find someone who is attractive to then and find mutual attraction. Those who are attracted to me I dont find attractive in the slightest. Or they just settle for what they think is the best they can get.

[Chilli]

l don't even know where to begin, sounds like your talking about the stock market not human beings.

Best of luck

[basil67]

They find someone who is attractive to then and find mutual attraction. Those who are attracted to me I dont find attractive in the slightest. Or they just settle for what they think is the best they can get.

 

And you just disproved your theory that your looks are the problem.

[guest569]

You're NOT ugly! You're a hot guy with an ugly attitude.

 

How did you edit the images? Filter, photos hop, what changes did you make?

[Haydn]

All issues solved then.

 

Imagine, dating yourself?

 

Would you have a good time?

 

Don`t answer...............

[ZA Dater]

You're NOT ugly! You're a hot guy with an ugly attitude.

 

How did you edit the images? Filter, photos hop, what changes did you make?

 

 

 

Used substantially edited pictures. I feel a lot better after this experiment, if anything feels like the weight of the earth has been lifted off my shoulders because at least I know irrespective of what I do it wont make a difference.

 

 

That's much, much easier to accept that "oh if you get out of your comfort zone", looks are looks and these are mine, if the best I can do is what I don't want then so be it.

 

 

As false as it is, its been nice to have some of these matches talk to me, actually show interest but I know I could never meet them because the whole idea would fall on its face. I'll delete the app today.

[guest569]

Used substantially edited pictures. I feel a lot better after this experiment, if anything feels like the weight of the earth has been lifted off my shoulders because at least I know irrespective of what I do it wont make a difference.

 

Did they still look like you? Or were you completely unrecognisable? I guess me saying that you are not ugly does not help - because it automatically renders me as beneath you, out of your league. Any woman who finds you attractive is unworthy, simply because of that fact. I get it. When I am iffy about a guy, swipe right.. oh he likes me too, meh, he must be a loser to find me attractive.

 

Well you did suggest in another thread that wearing a bright yellow shirt and green shorts makes no difference. Probably because you keep getting caught up in the SA running team, no wonder girls don't notice you. It's the epic camouflage.

[ZA Dater]

Did they still look like you? Or were you completely unrecognisable? I guess me saying that you are not ugly does not help - because it automatically renders me as beneath you, out of your league. Any woman who finds you attractive is unworthy, simply because of that fact. I get it. When I am iffy about a guy, swipe right.. oh he likes me too, meh, he must be a loser to find me attractive.

 

Well you did suggest in another thread that wearing a bright yellow shirt and green shorts makes no difference. Probably because you keep getting caught up in the SA running team, no wonder girls don't notice you. It's the epic camouflage.

 

 

 

Don't really look like me no. Some of these matches are now attractive to me but I needed such a completely modified picture to get these matches that it renders the whole attractiveness thing quite irrelevant.

 

 

Your last paragraph did make me smile, very clever, pity so few of the dates I used to go on had that sort of humour.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

It stands to reason that the more “flawless” you appear in your photos, the more appealing and attractive people will find you on online dating.

 

Appearance counts for so much with online dating. It's no different than any brand advertising or heavily filtered social media photos. It will help you get that first date, but it will only help increase the odds of a first date, not a second or third. From there it rests on your ability to build some sort of connection or chemistry with your date, which is why people here keep harping on the importance of it.

 

You may not be ready to hear that right now because you are feeling angry and resentful, but hopefully those feelings will pass and won't leave you with a negative outlook. Negativity can spread like a virus, and if you're not careful it infect other areas of your life that bring you happiness.

 

Just something to think about.

[guest569]

I just find it hard to believe that you could edit your photos so drastically and get more matches, when surely it looks obvious that they are completely fake? A nice clear, good quality image looks good - but photoshopped, filtered, is usually obvious, isn't it?. I think your self perception is really distorted and you need to give yourself more credit and stop being too hard on yourself and others.

[brigit87]

Don't really look like me no. Some of these matches are now attractive to me but I needed such a completely modified picture to get these matches that it renders the whole attractiveness thing quite irrelevant.

 

 

 

This is a TINDER experiment. Tinder is a disgusting app for people who are looking for sex. So of course if you're looking for sex you want the best looking people. Who cares about personality when you just want sex????

 

 

I have no idea what you look like. My guess is average. You're probably OK looking. That you'll need to come to terms with. OK looking guys can get beautiful women. But you'll need to bring something to the table that they really want or why should they date you?

 

Seriously.

[ZA Dater]

This is a TINDER experiment. Tinder is a disgusting app for people who are looking for sex. So of course if you're looking for sex you want the best looking people. Who cares about personality when you just want sex????

 

 

I have no idea what you look like. My guess is average. You're probably OK looking. That you'll need to come to terms with. OK looking guys can get beautiful women. But you'll need to bring something to the table that they really want or why should they date you?

Seriously.

 

 

I don't have that at all.

 

 

In the past I used to care a lot about who the person was more than what they looked like but it proved next to IMPOSSIBLE to find people who had what I deemed to be attractive personalities. I think its easier to find a physically attractive person than one with an attractive personality.

[brigit87]

I think its easier to find a physically attractive person than one with an attractive personality.

 

Sure finding attractive looking ppl is easy.

 

I think you should take a dating break. For the next four months don't try to date.

 

After the new year see where your head is at and reassess.

[BaileyB]

Are you really going to have this discussion again...

 

I agree. You need to take a break from dating. This is neither productive or healthy for you.

[BaileyB]

In the past I used to care a lot about who the person was more than what they looked like but it prorved next to IMPOSSIBLE to find people who had what I deemed to be attractive personalities. I think its easier to find a physically attractive person than one with an attractive personality.

 

I would say that you prove your own point. The picture you post on Tinder would not matter to me... This kind of negative attitude is very unattractive.

 

When I was online, there were a few men who revealed this kind of bitter and entitled attitude... I would walk away immediately. Nobody wants to date a bitter and disrespectful person.

Edited August 15, 2018 by BaileyB

[ZA Dater]

I would say that you prove your own point. The picture you post on Tinder would not matter to me... This kind of negative attitude is very unattractive.

 

When I was online, there were a few men who revealed this kind of bitter and entitled attitude... I would walk away immediately. Nobody wants to date a bitter and disrespectful person.

 

 

 

Not sure where the entitled part you keep referring to comes from. I actually couldn't care less about dating, I did this experiment purely to see how much physical attraction mattered and to see if this is the core reason I wasn't getting nice matches.

 

 

The way I work is wherever possible I need to rationalise something, find out why and at least I have most of that now. I wont understand why people like the people they do, sure I wasted years chasing non single people but at least I could look at it as being part of life, feel like I was actually working towards something, even if that something isn't possible.

 

 

Sure, I'd love to be with someone but realistically my market for that is limited to what I wont want so its a case of again being defined by looks, I get that, no issue with it but people must just admit that and not spin some nonsense like chemistry.

 

 

I have just been amazed at how much better my matches have been and perhaps its interesting to see they have also been a higher calibre of educated person.

 

 

Surprisingly I am not negative about this, it is what it is, the skinny guy will always loose out to the rugby jock, the charming guy will always trump the shy guy. I thought I could play this game differently according to a different set of rules whereby I could win people over, well that pretty much impossible.

 

 

Why I love work so much, I can get lost in it, I can work at it, I can get better at it measurably. That brunette in the store, she either likes me or she doesn't, no amount of flowers will change that. Its been my inability to accept that which ultimately made me so cynical.

 

 

I did get asked if my profile was genuine though...

[nospam99]

This is a TINDER experiment. Tinder is a disgusting app for people who are looking for sex.

 

Good point. OP, I don't suppose you'd care to repeat your experiment on POF or Match (my faves) with a profile that says you're seeking an LTR (or, dare I say, marriage)?

[JuneL]

Good point. OP, I don't suppose you'd care to repeat your experiment on POF or Match (my faves) with a profile that says you're seeking an LTR (or, dare I say, marriage)?

 

A guy in his mid-30s who has struggled his whole life with dating chooses to target 25-year-old girls on Tinder.

 

OP: Have you read experiments of girls with slim vs. obese pictures? Of course a much more good looking person is going to get in the door more easily, other things being equal. Were you just born yesterday? Would you swipe right an ugly girl who is obese?

[hippychick3]

These are not exactly mind blowing results. Anyone could have told you without the need of an "experiment" that the most physically attractive people get the most attention. It's not like they can actually see your charming personality and wit (if you were to have those) through a picture.

 

Attractive photos only get you to a first date. What matters is every date after that first one. I think you should take a break from dating apps, work on yourself (attitude, personality) and then go meet people organically. If you're only looking to date "hot" girls, then you'll continuously fail and that's all on you. No sympathy there.