nightlycafe Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 (edited) I am 23 and I have never had a boyfriend nor have I ever dated. I am 5'4 and 120 lbs and whenever I go out, I try to wear makeup. I don't really go to bars or clubs but I constantly go out a lot to places such as grocery stores/shopping, restaurants, coffee shops, etc..... I never get hit on by any guy anywhere I go. I have been hit on before in the past but the last time I was hit on was 2 years ago and the guy told me that he thinks I am very beautiful. When I told him I never had a bf before, he said I would find someone. I never thought I was ugly but now I am starting to feel like I am ugly because I never get male attention. I have been told I look like I am 15, but still, there are probably some 15 year olds who get hit on. I even talked to my aunt about this. I told her men never approach me. She asked me me "why, what is wrong with you. Men should be approaching you." It makes me feel so sad because sometimes my friends will talk about men hitting on them while shopping or out and about or I will go on social media and see people's snap story/instagram post about how some guy was hitting on them or ask for their number/leave their number somewhere and/or how a girl met a guy just by going to a coffee shop or doing a regular task but that never happens to me at all. I just feel so undesirable and that I won't ever find a guy interested in me at all. I am so tired of crying, looking at myself in the mirror and constantly asking myself what is wrong with me? I don't think I am ugly but I don't understand why men don't seem to take interest in me. Why am I having such a hard time? I just feel super sad about this because other women can go out and have men interested in them but when I go out, I get nothing. It's hard for me to believe that love will come to me at a later time when I am struggling now. I feel like I wont ever get a boyfriend the traditional way but instead I have to do online dating to find someone and it makes me sad. Edited August 15, 2018 by nightlycafe Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 Oh, that doesn't mean it's a bad thing! See, maybe your friends look more approachable or maybe some guys think they look like they at least won't get mad if they approach them or say something. But maybe you look sweet and innocent and the guys just don't want to disrespect you, especially since you say you look young. I know the magic fix for this though, but you have to use it with some discretion so you don't get more attention from less suitable men. You just need to look more approachable. Now, the best way to do that so it's not embarrassing for you is to smile and meet eyes with lots of people, both male and female. And why that is, is so you don't just awkwardly target one man you think is cute. It's better he sees you smiling and laughing with friends and smiling and friendly with people you just pass on the street or at work. Think of it. If you see a guy somewhere and he is just smiling and friendly to everyone, you would feel he'd be friendly if approached and not just look at you like you were crazy. Whereas if he was ignoring people and not smiling, you'd probably feel something was up with him and be afraid to just even say hi. So men already have it rough because they're expected to do most of the approaching. It's always best for anyone not to deal with a "cold approach," that is, approaching someone they've never seen before. But if you were say, doing a hobby like kayaking with a group and a nice guy in another group was looking your way and you smiled, you might land him because you'll be crossing paths. See what I'm saying? You don't really want random strangers coming up, but smile, and that automatically makes you look approachable to guys. They are just looking for any little sign of friendliness or openness to being talked to so they don't get shut down 100% of the time. I promise this works. The only downside is you will attract some you weren't aiming to attract. That comes with the territory. Just be nice if that happens but say you're not available or whatever. The smile works best, but I've found that any acknowledgement works too, such as lifting eyebrows or a quick nod. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 make prolonged eye contact and smile when you see a man you like 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 I knew a really nice girl, pretty and sweet many years ago that nobody would hit on her in public either, she had what is know as the resting bit** face, meaning her scowl or the way she rested her face made her look nasty/mean and men would not approach her... he face didn't match her personality... Do you think you just don't look approachable ? a guy is going to at least feel he has a shot in order to take one and if you look unapproachable he won't even try.. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 Welcome to LS.... How do things go when out with your girlfriends and what is their opinion of your lack of dating success? Do you get involved in more social type things and/or get invited to parties, weddings, events, etc? If so, how does that go? If not, any reason why you can't give that a try/start your own social event, etc.? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 maybe you're too good looking and intimidate many men?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 (edited) It's good that you have friends who are sharing their experiences with you. Since they are there & can see how you act, ask them why they don't think you get hit on. If you are not engaging in the flirty open behaviors they are employing, try emulating your friends. When I was learning how to flirt my BFFs explained to me that teenage boys didn't respond well to the fact that I was smart. My friends taught me to smile more & not lead with my intellect. Obviously, as I got older, men responded better to my brains, but I had mastered the art of flirting so that helped. Edited August 15, 2018 by d0nnivain 2 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 I am 23 and I have never had a boyfriend nor have I ever dated. I am 5'4 and 120 lbs and whenever I go out, I try to wear makeup. I don't really go to bars or clubs but I constantly go out a lot to places such as grocery stores/shopping, restaurants, coffee shops, etc..... I never get hit on by any guy anywhere I go. I have been hit on before in the past but the last time I was hit on was 2 years ago and the guy told me that he thinks I am very beautiful. When I told him I never had a bf before, he said I would find someone. I never thought I was ugly but now I am starting to feel like I am ugly because I never get male attention. I have been told I look like I am 15, but still, there are probably some 15 year olds who get hit on. I even talked to my aunt about this. I told her men never approach me. She asked me me "why, what is wrong with you. Men should be approaching you." It makes me feel so sad because sometimes my friends will talk about men hitting on them while shopping or out and about or I will go on social media and see people's snap story/instagram post about how some guy was hitting on them or ask for their number/leave their number somewhere and/or how a girl met a guy just by going to a coffee shop or doing a regular task but that never happens to me at all. I just feel so undesirable and that I won't ever find a guy interested in me at all. I am so tired of crying, looking at myself in the mirror and constantly asking myself what is wrong with me? I don't think I am ugly but I don't understand why men don't seem to take interest in me. Why am I having such a hard time? I just feel super sad about this because other women can go out and have men interested in them but when I go out, I get nothing. It's hard for me to believe that love will come to me at a later time when I am struggling now. I feel like I wont ever get a boyfriend the traditional way but instead I have to do online dating to find someone and it makes me sad. You need to let it happen. My child never put yourself down you'll self respect for yourself. Think and be positive, and have confidence in yourself always. If you see someone smiling at you and you like that person go over and say hi. If they smile and say hi back that's great got something working there. Find out though if they're single by making up something quick on the spot. I use the line I guess your (in your case GF or wife and you are going to see that new (movie name) this weekend. Something like that, could use the concert or free concert, Carnival, circus etc.. Something to get by. Once you know they're not seeing someone or with someone or not married. Make the fact your single and free. Well do that to those that smile at you wherever you go and you like that person that does not. If they come to you first that's a huge plus. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 When People are out. They are really going about their business. They are just focused on their life. I don't think the average man wants to just hit on women while running errands. I don't. I am not in that mindset. I think its best to join recreational activities and make and effort to talk to people. That way its more natural. Not getting hit on in public is no big deal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GuitarGuy7 Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 - Take off your headphones - Stay away from your friendz -go to a bar (that's where dudes usually go to pickup chicks) -When a guy talkz to you, act as friendly as possible -If you look moody and angry, dudes won't approach you. Turn that frown upside down 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just Write Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 You're 23, seem intelligent enough, sound like you're attractive, and you're a woman. You'll find a boyfriend if you want one. Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it never will. As a single woman, you have all the advantages on your side. Are you actually looking for a boyfriend, though? Because if all you want is some attention from the opposite sex to boost your self-esteem, then join a free dating site and post a handful of the best pictures of yourself that you can find. I guarantee you'll get more contacts in a day than most men will in a month on the same site. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 walk around in a mini-skirt, ha, do not tell me men are not visual creatures 1 Link to post Share on other sites
brigit87 Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 I am 23 and I have never had a boyfriend nor have I ever dated. I am 5'4 and 120 lbs and whenever I go out, I try to wear makeup. I don't really go to bars or clubs So go to bars and clubs you'll get hit on plenty and you won't need to cry about it anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chris2016 Posted August 17, 2018 Share Posted August 17, 2018 Shave your legs; shorten up the skirt; press together the boobies, and you'll never not be hit on in public. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curious-One Posted August 17, 2018 Share Posted August 17, 2018 Well not sure how nobody has mentioned this but if you really do look 15 then that is a very good reason why they are not approaching you. If a girl looked 15 there is no way i would approach her because that is creepy, i look like a pedophile , and i am pretty sure its illegal to hit on children as a guy. Oh and some people might get this reference and some dont but "Why dont you have a seat over there" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Honda750 Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 So go to bars and clubs you'll get hit on plenty and you won't need to cry about it anymore. You’ll meet the worst possible prospects in these places , don’t be tempted by bad advice ! Seeking more suitable mates will be found in better places like a recreational or sports activity or possibly the bookstore ! Boozers and Drug addicts are going to be hanging in the Bars and Clubs ........... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Not everyone who goes to a bar is a boozer or drug addict. It depends on the bar, & the time of day. If ALL the OP wants is to get hit on, that will happen for her in a bar. While the drunk who flirts with her at 1 a.m. might not be LTR material he's probably fun to flirt with in that moment. You do need to manage your expectations to suit your environment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Not everyone who goes to a bar is a boozer or drug addict. many of them are alcoholics with nothing better to do 1 Link to post Share on other sites
brigit87 Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 (edited) many of them are alcoholics with nothing better to do Not if she goes to "happy hour" she'll get hit on by guys winding down from the long week of work. And as far as bookstores...yeah, who buys books anymore??? And sports stuff are filled with ppl there to do sports stuff. Go to Happy hour you'll get hit on about a 1000 times and then you can go home and say "yep I'm hot" 1000 guys just told me I'm beautiful. No more crying. Problem solved. Edited August 18, 2018 by brigit87 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dream of me Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 I don't get hit on either. I mean I have been approached a handful of times but it's much, much less than other women. And I'm not a pub person. I also believe it's my body language being a bit closed off. But to be honest I prefer it that way. The only thing that comes close to it, is the occasional 'good morning' and the matching head turn, always by men who do blue collar jobs. Try walking by a construction site, roadworks or when the bin truck comes around and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
dream of me Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Also a hug for you! I can understand how it feels. But you will find your love, don't worry. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 If you really want to find an environment filled with men go to a sports bar on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon during football season. Just don't expect people to talk to you if you can't talk about the game. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 I think I get hit on for the same reason that people of all ages and both genders ask me for direction or chat me up. I look approachable and friendly. Maybe you work on being approached by women first. Link to post Share on other sites
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