Girlfriend and her ex

[TheMM]

Hello first post!

 

My girlfriend is 27 and I'm 25. I'd like to apologize in advance, english isn't my native language.

 

So my girlfriend and I have been together for 1-2 years now. I have never had any problems with jealousy except for now. So we have broken up once, we were together for 8 months and we broke up I guess just because we didn't know eachother very well and we moved forward very fast, by month 4 I was already living with her.

 

She was the one to break up with me and during in 3 months she sleept with 2 guys and started to talk to her old ex from 6-7 years back that hated her ever since they broke up and wanted nothing with her to do but now for some reason they've added eachother on facebook again and switched numbers, keep in mind that they havn't talked to eachother in 6-7 years.

Okey whatever he is no competition anyway I thought, so she and I got togheter again.

 

And now when we're together she sometimes brings him up in conversation.

It can be that if we were to buy a house we could split it in 2 and rent one part to him since he is renting my appartment at the moment.

Small references that he did when they were dating.

Sending him happy birthday to him when she doesn't even do it to her male bestfriend.

During begining when we started dating again she wore a neckless and asked me if I knew who it was from, it was from him. But she stopped using it.

One time when our relationship was abit unstable, there had been many fights in the last couple of weeks. We were on a party and she sat at the table with him in his knee. While I sat at the other end of the table with my friends?

 

Now were invited to celebrate him this weekend and she was very quick to accept his invitation.

To top it off she never wants to have sex because it hurt and im "too big".

 

What the hell is going on feels like I'm beeing paranoid but at the same time I don't feel it's ok to behave like she does and makes me not want to commit fully.

[ExpatInItaly]

And now when we're together she sometimes brings him up in conversation.

It can be that if we were to buy a house we could split it in 2 and rent one part to him since he is renting my appartment at the moment.

Wait, what? He's renting your apartment? Maybe there's a typo in that sentence somewhere. Anyway, the fact that she is even considering renting your hypothetical home to an ex is ludicrous.

 

Small references that he did when they were dating.

Sending him happy birthday to him when she doesn't even do it to her male bestfriend.

During begining when we started dating again she wore a neckless and asked me if I knew who it was from, it was from him. But she stopped using it.

One time when our relationship was abit unstable, there had been many fights in the last couple of weeks. We were on a party and she sat at the table with him in his knee. While I sat at the other end of the table with my friends?

 

Now were invited to celebrate him this weekend and she was very quick to accept his invitation.

To top it off she never wants to have sex because it hurt and im "too big".

 

OP, these are pretty clear signs she is: 1) still attracted to him, and 2) checking out of your relationship.

 

What the heck was doing sitting on his knee, much less with you at the same table? This girl has terrible boundaries and no respect for you at all.

 

The fact that you never have sex is also a bad sign. Yes, it's true that it can be physically uncomfortable for us when a man is very endowed, but there are ways to work with that and make it easier. My guess, considering her sudden reattachment to her ex, is that she is making excuses because she doesn't want to have sex with you.

 

I'm afraid to tell you that your relationship is essentially over. With one break-up already behind you and all of these shenanigans with her ex, she is done but hasn't come right out and said it yet.

[TheMM]

Wait, what? He's renting your apartment? Maybe there's a typo in that sentence somewhere. Anyway, the fact that she is even considering renting your hypothetical home to an ex is ludicrous.

 

No typo, I live with her and he lived with his room mate before so he wanted to rent my appartment.

 

OP, these are pretty clear signs she is: 1) still attracted to him, and 2) checking out of your relationship.

 

What the heck was doing sitting on his knee, much less with you at the same table? This girl has terrible boundaries and no respect for you at all.

 

The fact that you never have sex is also a bad sign. Yes, it's true that it can be physically uncomfortable for us when a man is very endowed, but there are ways to work with that and make it easier. My guess, considering her sudden reattachment to her ex, is that she is making excuses because she doesn't want to have sex with you.

 

I'm afraid to tell you that your relationship is essentially over. With one break-up already behind you and all of these shenanigans with her ex, she is done but hasn't come right out and said it yet.

 

I rather end it now than wait and waste my time to be honest. But I just want to be sure that it's really happening. About sitting in his knee I also think is absolutly wrong, however I was so turned of by her at that moment that I didn't care.

 

There's so much more to the story too

[BaileyB]

This isn't going to work...

 

She has problems with healthy boundaries in relationships and she's clearly still attracted to her ex - she is flirting with him openly by sitting on his knee. That's not ok.

 

You are sexually incompatable.

 

And, you have a lot of conflict in your relationship. Relationships that are on again-off again don't usually go the distance and if they do... they tend to be very unhealthy relationships.

[ExpatInItaly]

No typo, I live with her and he lived with his room mate before so he wanted to rent my appartment.

 

I rather end it now than wait and waste my time to be honest. But I just want to be sure that it's really happening. About sitting in his knee I also think is absolutly wrong, however I was so turned of by her at that moment that I didn't care.

 

There's so much more to the story too

 

Yes, it's really happening.

 

Just end it and find a decent girl who actually likes and respects you. This one does not.

[smackie9]

Stop being her doormat letting her wipe her feet all over you. Grow a spine and kick her to the curb for being a bad GF. She is just using you.

[TheMM]

Maybe I have come off abit wrong, we dont argue alot in our relationship, she does stuff for me all the time. We havn't had sex for awhile but she does give me BJ and handjobs 1-3 times a week. She thinks she has vaginismus and have talked to a doctor during our relationship. She says she has been doing excersices too.

 

Stop being her doormat letting her wipe her feet all over you. Grow a spine and kick her to the curb for being a bad GF. She is just using you

 

Can agree except I do have a spine

Edited August 16, 2018 by TheMM

[BluesPower]

Stop being her doormat letting her wipe her feet all over you. Grow a spine and kick her to the curb for being a bad GF. She is just using you.

 

 

 

smachie9 strikes again...

 

 

But learn this, even though you are young, YOU DO NOT DATE WOMEN LIKE THIS, EVER.

[Try]

So we have broken up once, we were together for 8 months and we broke up I guess just because we didn't know each other very well and we moved forward very fast, by month 4 I was already living with her.

 

She was the one to break up with me and during in 3 months she sleept with 2 guys and started to talk to her old ex from 6-7 years back that hated her ever since they broke up and wanted nothing with her to do but now for some reason they've added eachother on facebook again and switched numbers.

Question, since you moved in together after 4 months and broke up after 8 months, were you living together while she was sleeping with 2 other guys and reconnecting with her ex? If so, that speaks volumes about lack of respect for you. Also, she probably broke up with you because she wanted to sleep with another guy; either the ex or the 2 guys that you know about.

 

You have only been in this relationship for less than 2 years and already you are having such issues. The reality is that in any relationship there will be down times, and the way that she mistreats you during those times makes her bad marriage material.

[ExpatInItaly]

Maybe I have come off abit wrong, we dont argue alot in our relationship, she does stuff for me all the time. We havn't had sex for awhile but she does give me BJ and handjobs 1-3 times a week. She thinks she has vaginismus and have talked to a doctor during our relationship. She says she has been doing excersices too.

 

 

 

Can agree except I do have a spine

 

But she was having sex with other guys during your break, no?

[TheMM]

Question, since you moved in together after 4 months and broke up after 8 months, were you living together while she was sleeping with 2 other guys and reconnecting with her ex?

 

No i moved back to my place

 

But she was having sex with other guys during your break, no?

 

Yes she did.. the plan wasnt to get back together

[Poutrew]

No i moved back to my place

 

 

{About her having sex with others...}

Yes she did.. the plan wasnt to get back together

 

So, she magically develops a sexual condition only when you want to have sex with her... doesn't that strike you as more than a coincidence?

 

About the BJ's you are getting... one reason why a woman gives a bj is because she doesn't want to have you shoot semen into her womb and perhaps impregnate her. She gives you so many BJs because she doesn't want to have sex with you. Her libido is saved for the other men in her life...

[Normm]

It can be that if we were to buy a house we could split it in 2 and rent one part to him since he is renting my appartment at the moment.

 

 

Brilliant! He can rent the lower floor and you can install a fireman's pole to save her a lot of time.

[TheMM]

So, she magically develops a sexual condition only when you want to have sex with her... doesn't that strike you as more than a coincidence?

 

Well hmm that true.

 

 

update:

She will not come celebrate him this weekend because her friends are having dinner and she wants to go there instead.

she wants me to come along for the dinner first and then I can go celebrate him.

Edited August 17, 2018 by TheMM

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you missed my point about her sexual activity while on your break. My point was that she evidently didn't develop her condition until she got back together with you. Correct? It didn't bother her while she was apart from you?

 

Anyway, this relationship still needs to be over. She is not serious about you and she still likes her ex. It doesn't matter if she now prefers to have dinner with her friends first and then you and she will go hang out with this guy. She's into him and she doesn't even seem to care if you know it.

[Exformer]

Brilliant! He can rent the lower floor and you can install a fireman's pole to save her a lot of time.

Pretty sure the new roommate is bringing his own pole for her to slide on all she wants.

[Normm]

Pretty sure the new roommate is bringing his own pole for her to slide on all she wants.

 

 

She can go from one pole to the next!