She is the one for me forever, but...

[unnamed]

Lately, I found myself questioning whether my girlfriend is actually the one I will get married to.

 

And I'm not sure if I even love her (fully, I mean). I tell her I love her everyday. I certainly care a lot for her, and I don't think I could be without her. I've also questioned my love: do I just care a lot and I have I become completely attached to her, or am I really in love?

 

Like most people will say, you know if you're in love when you don't have to ask. I know if I tell my girlfriend this, who is completely in love with me and I cannot be without me, it will just make things worse. But I'm not really sure if I'm in love. She's my first serious girlfriend too.

 

We're both young, 18, and we have quite a bit of problems. We're not always happy; we fight over the stupidest things most of the time, and I feel like she attacks me a lot. Even over things I do not do.

 

I feel I am the more logical, mature partner of the relationship; she is as well, but not as much I guess.

 

Anyway, I don't know what to do. I think I love this girl, but I'm not sure. And we're set on getting married, but I'm not even sure if she is the one for me.

 

Argh!

[kikie]

u'r so young ... why r thinking of marriage already?? go have some fun ... see lotta girls ... THEN u'll know to tell which one is good for u ...

 

good luck =)

[kikie]

i know it's easier said than done ... i am also currently in my first serious relationship (im 19) and my guy is quite serious about me (marriage plans and all) ... but the more i think about it, the more i realize that no matter how good this guy is for me (which he isn't 100% good for me, after all), i'll have to date my share of guys before i can calm down and settle with one guy ... i am not planning to break up with him so far, but my mindset has changed: i now see him as my first but not last ... so relax ... and try to have fun!

[pipman1]

I was going through the same thing with my girlfriend i'm 24 and she is 19. we fight over the stupidist things and she never had a boyfriend before. after almost 2 years we were going to get married and last month we broke up. we still hang out but she dates other people while i wait to see whats going to happen. She has the freedom of meeting new people that she never did before and she is happy. We may end up back together in the future but only time will tell. If she finds someone better than me then i rather have her happy than unhappy with me. we deeply love each other but rushed things talking about marrige. You are both still young so don't rush things and have fun with life. Wait a couple more years before you even think about marrige. good luck, pip

Lately, I found myself questioning whether my girlfriend is actually the one I will get married to. And I'm not sure if I even love her (fully, I mean). I tell her I love her everyday. I certainly care a lot for her, and I don't think I could be without her. I've also questioned my love: do I just care a lot and I have I become completely attached to her, or am I really in love? Like most people will say, you know if you're in love when you don't have to ask. I know if I tell my girlfriend this, who is completely in love with me and I cannot be without me, it will just make things worse. But I'm not really sure if I'm in love. She's my first serious girlfriend too. We're both young, 18, and we have quite a bit of problems. We're not always happy; we fight over the stupidest things most of the time, and I feel like she attacks me a lot. Even over things I do not do. I feel I am the more logical, mature partner of the relationship; she is as well, but not as much I guess. Anyway, I don't know what to do. I think I love this girl, but I'm not sure. And we're set on getting married, but I'm not even sure if she is the one for me. Argh!

[Miss Mojo]

hi unnamed,

 

let me start by saying that from everything i've read from your past posts, i don't feel that she is the one for you forever....you confirmed that more so with the word "but".

 

i know you love your girlfriend very much, but you also have to have a lot of love for *yourself* in order to be happy. for instance, i love myself (not in a conceited, superficial way). what i mean is, i have a lot of respect for the person i am, for the person my parents brought into this world, and i will try my hardest to make myself my happy....and sometimes that may mean letting a relationship go, even though they love me very much. it's wonderful that you don't want to hurt her, but in the long run, you may end up hurting the 2 of you because of these doubts.

 

....i'm not sure i've made my point quite clear here, but i will continue, nevertheless.....

 

you are only young, and let me tell you, i was *CONVINCED* that i would marry my first boyfriend. it is SOOOO easy to have that mindset when you are in your first relationship. it's naivety to a certain degree, but i can honestly say, that if we had of married, i would probably be divorced by now. the relationship did not pan out as i thought it would, probably because of the fact he was my first boyfriend, and even though i loved him, and *thought* i was "in love", it wasn't until i met my next boyfriend that i really found out what it was like to love someone, and this is when i *knew* i was in love.

 

i was very naive with my first boyfriend....i was never really able to grasp the whole, "you have to date a few people before you settle down", way of thinking. but 6 years down the track, i cannot believe how true it is. there is so much to learn in love.

 

the cliche, "if in doubt, don't do it", comes to mind. if you really aren't sure if you are in love with her, then there is obviously something lacking in this relationship....and being so young, i don't think you will find what is lacking with her.

 

for most people, it takes a few rounds in the ring to find that person that we really love....quirks, flaws and all.

 

she may be very much in love with you, but if you're not sure about your feelings for her, that will make for a very unhappy relationship down the track. that would hardly be fair on either of you. and besides, 99% of break-ups happen with one person having very deep feelings for another. it's a fact of life, but eventually, we all move on...especially when we are young.

 

good luck, and don't forget to think of number one here...you.