Do you always tit for tat?

[Springsummer]

So, this is done then? I no longer have the mood to meet this person any more. ..

[salparadise]

I don't know why guys in this thread say they will easily to move to someone else. yes, I got thousands of likes, but very few I am interested. maybe I am too picky.

 

yup, it's interesting why men have so many interested women.

 

I need to broaden my taste?

 

 

So, you have thousands of matches and think the guy should be desperate... despite the fact that he is the ONE out of all of those matches that you find attractive?

 

Women usually do have an advantage, but when you have your picker set at maximum (10+++) you should realize you're in competition with all women, many of whom are going to be 10's. The supply/demand curve flips at the top.

 

You want it to be easy, then yea, broaden your taste.

[Springsummer]

You want it to be easy, then yea, broaden your taste.

 

yup, wonder why all(?) men interest in so many women at the same time, while I am not? are they indeed pigs?

[OatsAndHall]

I probably wouldn't have sent anything if it took a woman four days to respond to a message. I would have either assumed that they weren't all that interested or that there was an odd push/pull going on and I don't care for that.

 

 

 

My advice; if you're interested in a guy then establish communication with them quickly. I'm not a big fan of drawn out text-message conversations but I'll always take time to return a few messages per day with a woman. But, my interest in them wanes in a hurry if it takes longer than a day or two to get back to me.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

yup, wonder why all(?) men interest in so many women at the same time, while I am not? are they indeed pigs?

 

Perhaps that's because so many of them play games and waste their time. That doesn't make them pigs, just practical. Both men and women have to keep their options open, especially with online dating because of so many time wasters.

 

I'm going to be straight up with you. Taking four days to reply to him was rude. If you are interested in someone, you don't do that. It doesn't sound like he has any interest in you now, so unfortunately you blew it.

 

It's a shame it worked out that way, but it's also a good learning lesson. If you treat others they way you want to be treated, you'll have a much better chance at meeting someone special.

 

Remember, people are on high alert to time wasters, so try and avoid playing games, lest it backfires on you.

[Springsummer]

It has nothing to do with playing game. I am the last person on earth who like to play game. and I hate waste time. I even told the told the person I don't have time to talk to a guy who is not cute.

 

I was just unhappy in our last conversation. I was in a state of confusion and frustration, that was why it took so long. In the beginning, I generally replied instantly. I took days, because things got stuck.

 

so there is nothing left to be done with this person anymore...except the delete button

Edited August 20, 2018 by Springsummer

[guest569]

My advice; if you're interested in a guy then establish communication with them quickly. I'm not a big fan of drawn out text-message conversations but I'll always take time to return a few messages per day with a woman. But, my interest in them wanes in a hurry if it takes longer than a day or two to get back to me.

 

Does it make any difference the contents and length of the message? Personally I hate little brief and frequent texts and prefer decent messages. I guess it depends on the app or website. I can't stand the "hey" messages. It's going to be super slow as I won't respond instantly.

[basil67]

I even told the told the person I don't have time to talk to a guy who is not cute.

 

If someone said that to me, they'd be deleted instantly.

[Springsummer]

If someone said that to me, they'd be deleted instantly.

 

why? that's the truth and he enjoyed it.

 

he said hi cutie and I said you are cute too and he said you know clearly what to say and I said I don't have time to talk to guy who is not cute and then he said I am a smart girl.

[Malin889]

so, this online person last conversation was on Friday. I replies on Tuesday noon. Now Thursday evening...no response. is this a revenge thing or he is never going to reply to me?

 

I feel like a torture.

 

Do you know this person or is this online dating?

[Springsummer]

And then you didn't have the time to respond to this same guy for 4 days. What message does that send? He's not quite cute enough to deserve a timely response.

 

That was in the beginning. I said sorry when I replied 30 minutes later the first day we convo....after things turned unhappy, I replied 4 days later with a blunt reply without saying sorry or anything.

 

now it's more than a week, should I just delete this person quietly? (what a shame, there is something about this person, really hesitate to do it, but there is no viable options now. I don't want to meet anyone who makes me wait that long) or info him before delete? (why bother?)

[basil67]

why? that's the truth and he enjoyed it.

 

he said hi cutie and I said you are cute too and he said you know clearly what to say and I said I don't have time to talk to guy who is not cute and then he said I am a smart girl.

 

My apologies. In the context you describe, it's not a strange thing to say at all.

[basil67]

That was in the beginning. I said sorry when I replied 30 minutes later the first day we convo....after things turned unhappy, I replied 4 days later with a blunt reply without saying sorry or anything.

 

now it's more than a week, should I just delete this person quietly? (what a shame, there is something about this person, really hesitate to do it, but there is no viable options now. I don't want to meet anyone who makes me wait that long) or info him before delete? (why bother?)

 

What do you mean that "things turned unhappy"? Please forgive me if I missed where you've talked about it.

[d0nnivain]

still no response. That's more than tit for tat. should I go ahead and unmatch?

 

it's not about interest level. we both know there are interest, it's just some conflicts, upset and maybe miscommunication.

 

for me it's not easy to find someone more interest. I don't know why guys in this thread say they will easily to move to someone else. yes, I got thousands of likes, but very few I am interested. maybe I am too picky.

 

At this point, you are correct, any possibility with this guy is moot. Not going to happen at this point.

 

Whatever the reason, you waited 4 days to get back to him. You realize that your delay caused part of this disconnect. So you know to respond in a more timely manner with the next guy.

 

If you get "thousands" of like but are only interested in a few, then perhaps you are too picky. I am not suggesting you lower your standards or date somebody who you don't find attractive. I am suggesting that you be more generous in your criteria. Meet a few more people for coffee & judge in real life not based off a profile only. You can't tell much about a person through the internet. Certainly don't write somebody off for a small miss cue like he enjoys American football & you hate it or there is 1 typo in the profile.

 

 

yup, it's interesting why men have so many interested women.

 

I need to broaden my taste?

 

Most of the men on here will tell you that OLD is a barren wasteland with women getting all the attention & men not being able to get a date.

 

See above. I do think you need to broaden your horizons. For the 1st time in my life I dated a younger man. I ended up marrying him. On OLD when I opened my geography range to include the nearest big city, which happens to be NYC, I got lots more matches. You don't have to open it to world wide because a BF on the other side of the planet doesn't help but are you willing to travel an hour?

 

Mix it up. Add in real life activities designed to expose you to more people. Go to singles events. Attend meetups. Volunteer somewhere doing something you are passionate about. Take or teach an adult education class. Sign up for industry related events -- Chamber of Commerce, continuing education, conferences, business card exchanges etc. Put yourself out there & keep busy. Always be learning.

 

You also need to make it easier for guys. By that I mean, don't act like it's 1950. Initiate or at least make it clear that if he asks you will say yes to a meeting. Then be equally clear & say no thank you if upon meeting this doesn't work for you. No ghosting. In short, follow the Golden Rule: treat others as you wish to be treated.

 

In your other thread you talk about being depressed because work isn't going well & you feel lonely. If you are giving off a negative vibe, that is what you will get back. You have to project happiness & confidence to make yourself attractive. At the very least, fake it 'til you make it.

 

Happy hunting with your new & improved outlook.

[Springsummer]

At this point, you are correct, any possibility with this guy is moot. Not going to happen at this point.

 

YES. I know. so what do I do now? just delete him? I literally feel my brain and body is hurting over this.

 

I so damn just want to delete it, yet, there seems to be something holding me back.

 

It's ridiculous over a stranger, I know. Limbo is what really hurting people. don't know what's next and what to do. so many scenarios to think of.

 

will he ever contact me again? I can only think of two responses from me: 1. ignore 2. saying no longer interested.

 

so, what if he never contact me again? so I just keep it there as an eyesore?

 

plus: Thank you so much for all the advises. I am really grateful for that.

Edited August 22, 2018 by Springsummer

[Springsummer]

nothing distressing like having some wine...have never tried cannabis...maybe I should since it is legalized here in Canada.

[d0nnivain]

If he contacts you & you already know your response will be to ignore him or reject him, what's the point of not deleting? Do you really have to have the last word, to reject him?

 

Enjoy your wine.

[Springsummer]

Do you really have to have the last word, to reject him?

 

Enjoy your wine.

 

 

oh, ya. the only thing I could possibly do. Hope he is smart enough never to contact me again.

 

Thank God for substances. I have been a sober and righteous and discipline person all my life. what for now when you even have question of existence?

 

Life is surreal. who am I? what am I living for? what is real?

 

damn, that person is a philosophy major(but he said he is not looking for a friend)...and works in the highest place in the legal profession. extremely smart is possibly an understatement. any wonder why I can't just go ahead and delete?

Edited August 22, 2018 by Springsummer

[Springsummer]

My apologies. In the context you describe, it's not a strange thing to say at all.

 

 

no worries at all. I know things can easily be misunderstood and lost in translation...kind of like with that guy.

 

I am really appreciated that you take the time to read my post.