Vjp Posted August 17, 2018 Share Posted August 17, 2018 (edited) Hello. So I've been married for two years now and my marriage has had it's shares of ups and downs but lately I feel like I am going crazy. We have had problems lately from the past and I will be fair and say that some share of the problem has been me. I have since then stopped making those mistakes (it was not cheating or hitting or anything in that nature). My wife and I talked and we were close to divorce last week but we talked about it and decided to work things out. She still says that she does not love me however and I feel that I have to walk on eggshells around her. I love my wife and when I said I was willing to work things out I dropped all our fights and put it in the past and am truly dedicating myself other working things out but I feel that my wife is holding onto the every slight from the past and throws it in my face constantly and gets mad at every little thing. I feel like I cannot breathe and have to he perfect just to be a passing husband. Lately her friend saw someone on a dating site that they are convinced is me. I have told my wife on numerous occasions that it is not me but I know that she does not believe me. She has been playing mind games and lying about her phone being broken to get back at me for something I am not guilty of. I know her phone is not broken because when she is mad or angry she has no problems texting me and then immediately telling me her phone is broken and then ignoring me. All of her actions are hurting me and I have come to her numerous times asking what the underlying issue is. If she truly thinks I am cheating on her or on a dating site, I am more than willing to have her go through my phone. I apologize if this is all out of order but I am super depressed and am trying to think of any way to make things better. I love my wife but if there is nothing that can be done to fix it I do not want to waste my time or hers. Has anyone else dealt with anything like this? What has helped? I do not wish to talk about this with anyone from work or anything like that and have been keeping this in for a while. Edited August 17, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted August 17, 2018 Share Posted August 17, 2018 When a spouse starts accusing you of cheating, with no basis in fact, it usually means she's the one doing the cheating. Couple that with the fact that she claims she doesn't love you, ugh, it doesn't look good. Go into stealth mode and observe. Snoop her phone on the sly. You may even want to put a VAR in her car. Act completely normal, as if everything is peachy. Did the 'friend' - I use the term loosely - show her that profile? Did anyone show you, so you can point out the obvious - that it's not you? She's up to something, and it's not good. I'm so sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 17, 2018 Share Posted August 17, 2018 Where is your wife's responsibility in all of this... I mean, what has she done to improve the situation. A marriage can not be "fixed" by one person alone... Have you been to marriage counselling? Assuming that she is not engaged in an extramarital affair, it sounds like that would be a good start, if you hope to save this marriage... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 17, 2018 Share Posted August 17, 2018 Hello. So I've been married for two years now and my marriage has had it's shares of ups and downs but lately I feel like I am going crazy. We have had problems lately from the past and I will be fair and say that some share of the problem has been me. I have since then stopped making those mistakes (it was not cheating or hitting or anything in that nature). What are those problems related to? Lately her friend saw someone on a dating site that they are convinced is me. I have told my wife on numerous occasions that it is not me but I know that she does not believe me. She has been playing mind games and lying about her phone being broken to get back at me for something I am not guilty of. I know her phone is not broken because when she is mad or angry she has no problems texting me and then immediately telling me her phone is broken and then ignoring me. As Midwest pointed out, sometimes the ones who scream most loudly about cheating are in fact themselves the guilty party. It can be projection, and a deflection tactic. How old are you both, and how long did you date prior to getting married? When did you start to notice your wife's angry behaviour? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 17, 2018 Share Posted August 17, 2018 We have had problems lately from the past and I will be fair and say that some share of the problem has been me. I have since then stopped making those mistakes (it was not cheating or hitting or anything in that nature). Vjp, hard to give you any constructive feedback without understanding what these "past problems" are. I get it, no "cheating or hitting", but that leaves a wide range of activity that could be very damaging to a marriage. What happened previously to put your wife in this frame of mind? Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Hey listen ... if you want some real responses then tell us what's really going on. Why did you get married in the first place? Your wife says she doesn't love you? ... How early into the two years of marriage did she begin saying that? What is the conflict? Why are you walking on eggshells? ... That's what we do with abusers ... or bullying bosses ... not with life partners ... Either be yourself and work it out ... or leave ... But your details are so sketchy. I feel I'm missing basic information about the conflict between you two. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 What were these problems you supposedly were causing in the past? And yes, it’s true, If someone is accusing you of cheating, most likely they’re the one that’s cheating. And if she doesn’t believe you when you’ve told her the truth over and over again that’s obviously a huge problem and it sounds like she is trying to get out of this union by putting the blame on you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 She still says that she does not love me however and I feel that I have to walk on eggshells around her. . If she doesn't love you, thinks you are cheating & continually throws past fights / mistakes in your face, what are you two trying to save? If you are to preserve the marriage, you will need help Go see a MC immediately. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Your wife says she doesn't love you. She is making ridiculous unfounded accusations because she wants out of the marriage but she doesn't want to shoulder the blame for that alone. She wants to get you to suggest divorce first so that her hands are clean 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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