M1128Y Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 (edited) About a month ago, my GF of around 3.5 years broke up with me (we lived together for most of that time), seemingly out of the blue. According to her, she lost her feelings for me and was too afraid to tell me--or too afraid to end the relationship for fear of being alone. Something along those lines. And towards the end she started a thing with a guy at work. Kissed him the night after she had said she'd stop talking to him and work on things with me. And then when we broke up, she slept with him a few days later and is currently sleeping with him. She now tells me she has no feelings for me and has feelings for this guy. The last I talked to her was yesterday. I know I need to stop talking to her but it's difficult. Extremely difficult. Over the course of the month, I've been rehashing things, asking her questions, etc., trying to gain some closure. She's been understanding but annoyed by my constant questions and has told me we need space. Despite her saying that, she has been answering my questions. I thought I'd settle down with this woman. I'm 33 and she's 30. We talked about having kids. I'm currently in school, but besides that I don't have much going for me and I live with my parents to save money. I'm just afraid that I'm too old and too much of a loser to find another woman. If I wasn't going to school for computer science, then I probably would have killed myself, honestly. My self-esteem has been crushed and the one person in my life who I felt like had my back, didn't actually have my back. She was faking it for... I don't know how long, then she started something else with another guy behind my back. While I deal with this pain, she's having sex with this guy at work and starting a new thing. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous how easy I was replaced. I know I need to stop reaching out to her. For one, I know she doesn't want to talk to me, even as a friend; and I don't either, because it's awkward. But I feel so naked without her. It's like I'm going through drug withdrawals. If you guys could offer me some words of wisdom or support, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. Edited August 18, 2018 by M1128Y Link to post Share on other sites
Naturalpeace12 Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Hey there im sorry for you ive been going Trough something similair 4 months ago. I felt so heartbroken didnt know what To do. Now a couple months later my advice To you is cut off all contact. Cut her loose and tell yourself your never getting back together ever. Your gotta go trough hell and back for your OWN good and choose what is the best for you. And dont be To negative about yourself find your OWN worth! Work on your selfesteem like work out go To the gym get a haircut people Will notice it and tell you you look good. That Will lift your spirit a bit. Try Reading about other peoples expierience. Thats real easy for someone To type on the other end of the world while youre feeling what you feel but Thrust me ive been where your at now. Read my previous posts for more clarity. I dont understand why people replace someone They been intimate with in the snap of a finger but i guess there are people like that on this planet.. Also 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Closure comes from within. There are no words she can give you that will ever make this OK. It will take time. Right now you get to grieve. You lost something precious. If you haven't already clear away the mementos. Throw them out or box them up. Delete the photos or at least put them on a thumb drive. If you are keeping the apartment where you lived together, rearrange the furniture; hang up new art; definitely get new sheets. You have to get rid of the visual reminders & make it yours. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyabstrused Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 I'm sorry you're going through this. I was in a relationship for close to 5 years and we've planned a future together, planned what our house was going to be like etc etc only for it to end. If things didn't work out, there's always a reason and that reason is something you just need to keep reminding yourself of to keep moving forward. For you, she pretty much fell out of love and met another guy. We can't force our feelings and you'll just have to work at moving past this. ^What d0nnivain said, you gotta remove everything that would remind you of her.... that's what I did. I boxed it all up. I didn't have the heart to throw them out just yet... so I boxed them all up so I wouldn't see them. Everything, pictures, books, clothes. A year or so later, when I felt much better, I opened up the box and I threw away all those things. It was a good feeling. You'll get past this. You just need a lot of patience and a lot of strength to go through the pain and the grief. Start doing things that will take your mind off of her, and do things that will make you feel good or will make you laugh. I got by with watching funny shows and movies. I went out more, I went to the gym. All those things made me feel better. With time, you do get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 You had no fault. You did nothing wrong. You are not a loser, you are just different than others. Whatever happened would need to be forgotten by you. It was nothing more than a lesson. Just try avoid it from happening again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M1128Y Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 Thanks for the support, everyone. I haven't contacted her and she hasn't contacted me since the 16th. I've decided to block her number in case she tries contacting me, even though I highly doubt she will. I'm just afraid if I keep her number unblocked, then she might contact me before I'm ready. Honestly, I don't know if I would want to be her friend, even after a year or two. What she did wasted my time and screwed with my head. A breakup in itself is bad enough, but she pretended that she wanted to work on it and pretended that she still had feelings for me while simultaneously trying to further things along with a guy at work, so she could have something to jump on after the breakup. I told her that I forgive her and I do, but I don't know if I would want to be her friend... @Naturalpeace2 Thanks for the video. It helped a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 I'm just afraid that I'm too old and too much of a loser to find another woman. If I wasn't going to school for computer science, then I probably would have killed myself, honestly. My self-esteem has been crushed If you guys could offer me some words of wisdom or support, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. You're not too old and you're not a loser! Link to post Share on other sites
Author M1128Y Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 You're not too old and you're not a loser! Aw, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Break ups really really hurt. We've all been there. Love will find you again...I firmly believe that. Now is a good time to keep concentrating on your degree and it's good you've got that going...try not to let your heartbreak interfere with your studies; easier said than done. Tell yourself you deserve to be treated with the best and treat yourself extremely good right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M1128Y Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 Break ups really really hurt. We've all been there. Love will find you again...I firmly believe that. Now is a good time to keep concentrating on your degree and it's good you've got that going...try not to let your heartbreak interfere with your studies; easier said than done. Tell yourself you deserve to be treated with the best and treat yourself extremely good right now. I'll try to. It's only been 3-4 days of NC but I already want to contact her... either to reprimand her for what she has done... or to ask her more questions... or to tell her I'm sorry for not treating her better. I'm a mess. But I'll try not to give in. At what point does NC become dramatically easier? After a week? Two? A month? Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 I'll try to. It's only been 3-4 days of NC but I already want to contact her... either to reprimand her for what she has done... or to ask her more questions... or to tell her I'm sorry for not treating her better. I'm a mess. But I'll try not to give in. At what point does NC become dramatically easier? After a week? Two? A month? I think it’s variable... highly so... try to stay busy... go out with friends... stay active... Link to post Share on other sites
mkaur215 Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 OP i posted on yournprevious post a fee weeks back. I have been in the girls position with my last relationship, i broke up with him because i lost feelings/didnt see a future and regretted it. What helped me get over him was telling myself what if i continued to be in a loveless relationship with this guy? I wouldnbe holding him and myself back from someone we are more compatible with. Would you really want to be with someone who doesnt even like you and is just with u out of pity. God forbid you married her she wouldve left u in a heartbeat as soon as she found someone she felt she liked more, then it wouldve been harder to get over her. Take this breakup as a blessing and an open door for the person that truly cares for you. And as for the feeling like a loser who will never find someone, its normal to feel that way out of a breakup i did as well. But you’re not! Dude just focus on school because once u complete itnitnwill give u a huge self eateem boost which i feel you need. Lmk if u ever want to talk one on one over instant messaging or whatever. The fact you’re having suicidal thought before is serious and sometimes you just need a friend to talk and help. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 Thanks for the support, everyone. I haven't contacted her and she hasn't contacted me since the 16th. I've decided to block her number in case she tries contacting me, even though I highly doubt she will. I'm just afraid if I keep her number unblocked, then she might contact me before I'm ready. Honestly, I don't know if I would want to be her friend, even after a year or two. What she did wasted my time and screwed with my head. A breakup in itself is bad enough, but she pretended that she wanted to work on it and pretended that she still had feelings for me while simultaneously trying to further things along with a guy at work, so she could have something to jump on after the breakup. I told her that I forgive her and I do, but I don't know if I would want to be her friend... @Naturalpeace2 Thanks for the video. It helped a lot. Don't know if this helps, but realize this. She was cheating before she broke up, she just finally got to courage to break up. Just let her go, block her, she is not calling you back. And you should not want her if she did. Thinking like are above will only slow you from moving on. Just move on and get healthy, and find a new one... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M1128Y Posted August 21, 2018 Author Share Posted August 21, 2018 OP i posted on yournprevious post a fee weeks back. I have been in the girls position with my last relationship, i broke up with him because i lost feelings/didnt see a future and regretted it. What helped me get over him was telling myself what if i continued to be in a loveless relationship with this guy? I wouldnbe holding him and myself back from someone we are more compatible with. Would you really want to be with someone who doesnt even like you and is just with u out of pity. God forbid you married her she wouldve left u in a heartbeat as soon as she found someone she felt she liked more, then it wouldve been harder to get over her. Take this breakup as a blessing and an open door for the person that truly cares for you. And as for the feeling like a loser who will never find someone, its normal to feel that way out of a breakup i did as well. But you’re not! Dude just focus on school because once u complete itnitnwill give u a huge self eateem boost which i feel you need. Lmk if u ever want to talk one on one over instant messaging or whatever.The fact you’re having suicidal thought before is serious and sometimes you just need a friend to talk and help. Sure. Are we talking AOL instant messenger? Lol Link to post Share on other sites
mkaur215 Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 (edited) Sure whatever you prefer Edited August 22, 2018 by mkaur215 Link to post Share on other sites
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