kxpxsc3 Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 I hate to admit but I snooped on my boyfriend and found some incriminating evidence of cheating. How do I confront someone who I know has lied to me without seeming like a total nut head? I know snooping is wrong but I honestly had a gut feeling as if something was off, so my emotions got the best of me. I am now realizing that if I can't trust this person and talk to them about that gut feeling it isn't the right relationship for me, but I'm realising this in hind sight. I want to end things now that I know, but how to do that and/or confront? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 You do it calmly & rationally. You cop to the snooping but explain that based on what you found the trust is gone & you are breaking up. You don't shriek or cry. You don't expect or accept some dramatic confession. You tell what you know & you move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 It's useless to admit you snooped and you have the proof he cheated. Just leave. Why rip your gut out in a conversation he'll deny? Just leave. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Just tell him you know he cheated (you don't have to tell him HOW you know) and that you can't trust him so it's over. He'll probably try to argue but don't engage in that conversation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Exformer Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 You don't have to justify your break up with anyone but yourself. He doesn't need to sign off on it. If you want to break up with him, which I think you should do, as loyalty, fidelity and trust are nonexistent at this point, just do it. If he asks why and you really want to give a reason, you can be as vague or detailed as you want. You can tell him you just aren't happy in the relationship and you don't see it going anywhere...this is all true. Or you can say that you've come across proof of him cheating, that it doesn't matter where it came from, because the where isn't important, its the reality of him cheating that matters...this is also true. Both leave you opting out of mentioning the distrustful snooping. Of course, what does it matter if he knows you did it? Is snooping not healthy...well, its a sign you don't have trust in your relationship and that you're a little suspicious...but it doesn't change what you found. As Joseph Heller once said, "just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you." My point being, your snooping doesn't make what you found less real or valid. Frankly, who cares if he's mad about you snooping anyway...you're dumping him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Dump him....you owe him nothing at this point. He's cheating, he will know the reason why you are walking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 OP, you can break up with anyone at any time for any reason or no reason at all. Part of that free will thing. It's not like he can stop you. However, if you need practice with confrontation, assemble clear evidence, present it, say 'we're done', then leave. In more involved things where lives or dollars are at stake, it might become a bit more complex but this is a pretty simple deal. While you may feel awful for snooping, do understand that we have professional spies whom we taxpayers fund who do nothing but snoop on us and other people. I call them spooks. There's plenty of them out there and can't be concerned one whit about what dirt they turn up on you or me. You snooped once to satisfy/refute your own suspicions. Over and done. Life goes on. I'd suggest accepting that this one one guy who apparently cheated/lied. He is not every guy. You can choose to consider this case closed and it not color your future interactions, or not. That's your power. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 19, 2018 Share Posted August 19, 2018 Oh, you should just take your stuff and go and block him. He knows what he did. It's not like he will be in the dark about why you left. He'll know you somehow found out. This way, he doesn't even know you snooped. He may worry one of the women told you or something. So let him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted August 19, 2018 Share Posted August 19, 2018 You don't owe him squat. If he asks how you found out tell him one of his friends, who is more honorable than he is, told you. Then leave him guessing, and then walk away permanently. Don't waste any more time on this Bozo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 19, 2018 Share Posted August 19, 2018 It's useless to admit you snooped and you have the proof he cheated. Just leave. Why rip your gut out in a conversation he'll deny? Just leave. This is exactly what I would do... "I'm afraid, it's just not going to work out..." Why bother listening to the denials and excuses... Save yourself the time and energy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 19, 2018 Share Posted August 19, 2018 If you confront him he'll just lie and then he'll also find some way to make it all your fault. Don't waste your energy on him. Block him and be done. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 19, 2018 Share Posted August 19, 2018 Post the evidence up to social media so all his friends and family know he's busted. That's how you get your power back. Link to post Share on other sites
MalachiX Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 I hate to admit but I snooped on my boyfriend and found some incriminating evidence of cheating. How do I confront someone who I know has lied to me without seeming like a total nut head? I know snooping is wrong but I honestly had a gut feeling as if something was off, so my emotions got the best of me. I am now realizing that if I can't trust this person and talk to them about that gut feeling it isn't the right relationship for me, but I'm realising this in hind sight. I want to end things now that I know, but how to do that and/or confront? Out of curiosity, what's this "evidence of cheating?" As with most people here, my advice would be to rip the band aid off and just end it while explaining why. However, I'm not sure if you're being vague about the evidence because you'd rather not go into the details or, if you're being vague because it's not definitive. I guess what I'm saying is, if there's even a small chance of an alternate explanation, maybe hear your partner out. Lots of people cheat but there are also lots of people who have trouble trusting people and mis-interpret things. I've never cheated on anyone in my life but I've had two relationships in which the person implied I was cheating on them (once during the relationship and once after we broke up). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 I hate to admit but I snooped on my boyfriend and found some incriminating evidence of cheating. How do I confront someone who I know has lied to me without seeming like a total nut head? I know snooping is wrong but I honestly had a gut feeling as if something was off, so my emotions got the best of me. I am now realizing that if I can't trust this person and talk to them about that gut feeling it isn't the right relationship for me, but I'm realising this in hind sight. I want to end things now that I know, but how to do that and/or confront? ask him up .ur know he will lie to your face. maybe leave out the evidence Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 21, 2018 Share Posted September 21, 2018 Old thread.....the OP is long gone a month ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts