CerealGuy Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 First post. Please forgive etiquette gaps. My wife and I have been married 4.5 years. Lately I feel more like business partners than husband and wife. We do a good job managing the house and our 2 kids, but after the kids go to bed I feel like I’m on an island. We’ve had discussions previously about our marriage. It is usually me sharing something that I’m displeased with and her defending her actions. I don’t typically find them productive because instead of telling me her feelings she spends the time playing defense. It’s to the point where I feel like I’m the problem because I’m always the one bringing up the issues. I’m not really sure what to do. I’ve presented counseling as an option, but didn’t get a buy in from her. Does she just think how things are supposed to be or am I just asking for too much? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Come at her from a positive place. Talk about the things you like or used to like. Ask how she feels. Try to be a bit more romantic if you are not already but that includes doing housework, child care & cooking. Are you pitching in or does she feel like she has 2 jobs? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Yes, ask her how she feels. Just start the conversation with something like "I don't feel like we're connecting very well lately, what do you think?" Don't start the conversation by presenting specific grievances you have where she feels she has to go on instant defense. Tell her directly that you need her to tell you how she feels. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 My wife and I have been married 4.5 years. Lately I feel more like business partners than husband and wife. We do a good job managing the house and our 2 kids, but after the kids go to bed I feel like I’m on an island. Have you had both kids since you got married? Is she a SAHM? If so, I wonder if you have a realistic view of what her energy level might be at the end of the day. Is sex the major issue here? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted August 19, 2018 Share Posted August 19, 2018 Yes, ask her how she feels. Just start the conversation with something like "I don't feel like we're connecting very well lately, what do you think?" Don't start the conversation by presenting specific grievances you have where she feels she has to go on instant defense. Tell her directly that you need her to tell you how she feels. Agree very much with the above. If discussing means you telling her a laundry list of things you think she is doing wrong then you are not going to get anywhere and I can see why your wife goes on the defense. When you talk about your issues, talk about yourself, not your wife. You are the one with the complaint so make it about you. There is a world of difference between saying "sometimes I feel lonely and I miss our connection" vs "you always ignore me and put yourself over my needs" Link to post Share on other sites
BlueDucks Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 I could possibly have wrote this. Solidarity, man. Its fustrating with a partner that won't openly communicate. About anything. Lol Following to read brilliant thoughts from other contributors. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 I could possibly have wrote this. Solidarity, man. Its fustrating with a partner that won't openly communicate. About anything. Lol Following to read brilliant thoughts from other contributors. The OP hasn't returned in nearly a week. You might be better served starting your own thread... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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