maestrok Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 He's 34 and am 29. Both working professionals. We were together for 2 months but were crazy/serious about each other (agreed to be bf/gf). Then I learnt that one of his best best buddies and he once casually dated and had sex few years back. I wasn't comfortable having her around (or any Exs for that matter). We had zero issues other than that. We were so compatible. But he wasn't willing to change that one thing. So we broke up. 2 months after of NC, he reached out, profusely apologized, promising that he will change that. We tried again. For a month. Then he ran again. Basically he was scared. Well it's been 5 months since then. NC all along.I miss him. It's also sad. I do want to try again and I think he would too. I don't mind reaching out but I want to hear from objective third parties out there if you think there is at least some chance this can work out. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 I'm not a big fan of going backwards in life. You already broke up 2x. What go for the trifecta? Your statement that after 2 measly months you were crazy serious about each other is also too much too soon. This was lust not love. Your hormones not your brains are making these decisions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Two months in you were already having trust issues. This very young relationship of several months already endured two break-ups. Honestly, when he chose her over you the first time, and you ended it, I believe he only came back awhile later because things didn’t work out with her. When you reconciled, something probably changed between them again and he ran back to her. If you believe he ran because he was scared and only months in, then you should be smart enough to walk away. It’s not reliable nor should you want to be with someone that’s emotionally unavailable. You both were running on infatuation and lust. All that whirlwind stuff is superficial. The first 6 months to a year is usually the honeymoon period. What comes after that is most important. If you can’t withstand the first few months, then there’s really not much to stand on for the long term. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladyabstrused Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 I'm not a big fan of going backwards in life either. There is a reason why it didn't work out.... twice. I know people can change too, but do you really want to go back after all this while of NC? Also, in my experience, the interaction is always never the same after a break up and months long of NC. Are you still stuck on him and memories of him or have you tried to at least move on and heal some first? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 No, I would not attempt a third try. There is very little reason to believe this relationship would succeed. I know of almost none who reunite (and stay together) after two break-ups. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted August 18, 2018 Author Share Posted August 18, 2018 Honestly, when he chose her over you the first time, and you ended it, I believe he only came back awhile later because things didn’t work out with her. When you reconciled, something probably changed between them again and he ran back to her. To clarify, they never were together and never will. That I know. So in figurative sense I did feel like he chose her over me, it wasn't what you say (this I know for sure). Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted August 18, 2018 Author Share Posted August 18, 2018 Also, in my experience, the interaction is always never the same after a break up and months long of NC. Are you still stuck on him and memories of him or have you tried to at least move on and heal some first? No I've dated other guys and surely he's dated other women. I'm indifferent about him but just think that we didn't give it a property try the second time and think it could've really worked if we had. And want to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 (edited) To clarify, they never were together and never will. That I know. So in figurative sense I did feel like he chose her over me, it wasn't what you say (this I know for sure). The advice still stays the same. You’re dealing with a guy that has given you cause to break-up twice in a span of only several months. Red flags are flying. Pay attention to it rather than let your heart lead. You should be emotionally smart. He has disappointed you twice and the last time after exhibiting remorse, just up and left you. He’s not reliable, he’s untrustworthy, he’s emotionally unavailable. If you want to risk him hurting you again, then go for it. I’m not sure what “giving it a proper try” that second time means. He left you. You can’t try when the other person isn’t fully invested. Don’t revisit your past, especially when it was bad because your present isn’t giving you the opportunities that you’d like. You noted you’ve dated and I’m guessing because you’re not getting the results you want, you’re reverting to him. You were on a high with him at the beginning - it’s not a measuring stick for the potential of a quality relationship. It’s hard not to wonder what could have been but you need to focus on the red flags. Edited August 18, 2018 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted August 18, 2018 Author Share Posted August 18, 2018 Don’t revisit your past, especially when it was bad because your present isn’t giving you the opportunities that you’d like. You noted you’ve dated and I’m guessing because you’re not getting the results you want, you’re reverting to him. You were on a high with him at the beginning - it’s not a measuring stick for the potential of a quality relationship. It’s hard not to wonder what could have been but you need to focus on the red flags. Well, will admit that this is very true in all respects. Guess it's just hard to persevere especially when the present is not giving me what I want in personal relationship. And I'm starting to be scared if I ever will meet someone better than him. Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted August 19, 2018 Share Posted August 19, 2018 He's 34 and single and keeps exes around, plus he starts things off hard and fast only to run away. On top of that, he defended a long term friendship (ex or not, I'd leave if someone I had only known for two months started asking me to drop friends), but then was willing to just drop her later on anyway. This all reeks of instability, inconsistency, and emotional unavailability, not compatibility and the best you can do. You don't really know him, and are projecting out from some good times. Anyone you have chemistry with can feel like a good partner after only two months. Is there any reason you don't think you can do better, instead of thinking you don't deserve a flaky guy who should be acting like an adult at his age? He sounds, still single for a reason, to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 Maestrok, you were right the first time you broke up. The second time proved it. Your strong boundaries and good sense are attractive qualities, do not sacrifice them lightly. You will meet someone BETTER than him, but only if you are NOT WITH HIM. He wants you to pursue him and cave in, so he can date you and have a FWB available - that occam's razor - grooming you (quite possibly subconsciously) to accept his eroded boundaries. You deserve better, even if 99% of men are 'worse than him' or uninterested in you (specifically or categorically) it still leaves MILLIONS of men who are better AND interested in you if you meet them. Aim high, and hold your head high! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Honestly, it just doesn't sound like he's ready for a long-term relationship. Maybe leave amicably and check in casually to see how he is every few months but very casually, like "Saw this (photo or link) and made me laugh." Maybe in a few years, he'll be ready to settle down. Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 Maestrok, you were right the first time you broke up. The second time proved it. Your strong boundaries and good sense are attractive qualities, do not sacrifice them lightly. You will meet someone BETTER than him, but only if you are NOT WITH HIM. He wants you to pursue him and cave in, so he can date you and have a FWB available - that occam's razor - grooming you (quite possibly subconsciously) to accept his eroded boundaries. You deserve better, even if 99% of men are 'worse than him' or uninterested in you (specifically or categorically) it still leaves MILLIONS of men who are better AND interested in you if you meet them. Aim high, and hold your head high! Superb advice Link to post Share on other sites
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