Author Hurtingguy Posted October 9, 2018 Author Share Posted October 9, 2018 I read what you wrote. You cheated on her with another woman. The affair was exposed, you promised to cut contact with the woman, and then you subsequently proceeded to have a 1 hour conversation with her. And here you are saying there's nothing wrong with that because your wife knows about it, and you're wondering why your wife is so conflicted, even though it's perfectly and painfully clear. No I don’t have a convo with the girl I cheated with that’s what I’m trying to say Link to post Share on other sites
Mardelis Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 No I don’t have a convo with the girl I cheated with that’s what I’m trying to say You had a 1 hour conversation with the girl you cheated with after you told your wife you would cut contact. Not sure what you're trying to say now but that's what happened and that's why your wife won't be with you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurtingguy Posted October 10, 2018 Author Share Posted October 10, 2018 You had a 1 hour conversation with the girl you cheated with after you told your wife you would cut contact. Not sure what you're trying to say now but that's what happened and that's why your wife won't be with you anymore. I had a conversation with someone else that I had dated and it was a harmless convo that happened almost a year ago, either way I know she doesn’t trust me right now but that’s not telling me why she’s acting the way she is Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 I had a conversation with someone else that I had dated and it was a harmless convo that happened almost a year ago, either way I know she doesn’t trust me right now but that’s not telling me why she’s acting the way she is Yes, it is. This hot and cold is very typical for a betrayed partner. Allow me to explain: when your partner cheats on you, it devastates your self-esteem. You wonder why you weren't good enough to keep him from straying. You wonder what his cheating partner has that you don't. You wonder who the hell this man is, because he's not the man you thought he was. So, you struggle with an absolute roller coaster of emotions. You waiver from wanting to forgive and go back to the way things were with the man you thought you knew, to seething with rage and wanting nothing to do with him. You are tormented by wanting to be validated again by your cheating partner on some level and make the hurt stop, and then wanting him to take a hike straight off a cliff. This can go for months while you heal and try to come to terms with your pain, and come to terms with your very damaged relationship. I gather you have never really been on the receiving end of a betrayal like this from someone you loved a lot, OP. Expecting emotional consistency from her at a time like this is unrealistic and demonstrates a lack of insight on your part. I hope I've been able to provide a bit of a window into how she is probably feeling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 But that’s the thing I didn’t treat her like crap all I ever did was love her and take care of her I mean I f up in the beginning but since then I did nothing but show her love and did eveything to take care of her People do not forget big horrible things that happen in a relationship. You cannot erase the bad with good, it doesn't work like that. Cheating removes trust and without trust many relationships are doomed to fail or to just go through the motions, or need years of therapy to get back on track. 2 abortions too??? This was a relatively new relationship, there is not enough history and bonding involved for it to survive blows like this. She ended it as she she knows this, but it doesn't mean she can just shut off her emotions like a tap. Drunk, she let some of them out, but with her head on straight she knows it will never work and she wants to distance herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurtingguy Posted November 12, 2018 Author Share Posted November 12, 2018 So my ex and I have been LC for the past few weeks some days we talk and then days will go by with nothing. It’s been a traumatic break up for both of us we’re nith still in love with each other and it’s been hard on us both.. She called this morning and we spoke for about an hour . She said she’s suffering and is hurting a lot and is stuck in limbo even tho she broke up with me and I made it very clear over the past 2 1/2 months that I want to be wiTh her and make out relationship work. She got sad then angry and thinks I’m out living some fun filled life. She said I should be back home by now but wants to see that i am trying to get my life back together. She didn’t like that I was working as an independent contractor so I decided to work for my dad and learn his business to be able to take it over when he retires in the next 2 years. She said she’s been pretty much stalking my social media and is upset that I took down all my pics of us on fb. I was just starting to feel better the past couple days and felt like I was accepting the breakup and now she’s making me feel like we still have a chance. She saw I changed my fb pic to me looking really good in a nice suit at work and saw that I took off the ring that she bought me and it made her very upset I didn’t say anything about being back together I didn’t beg her for a chance or that I missed her or loved her. I do want to be with her again and would do anything but I’m not letting her know that anymore. I guess my question is why is she feeling like she’s in limbo? What steps should I take now to try and win her back? I don’t want to go complete NC cause I know that’s meant to heal and move on and I’m not going to play mind games to try and get her back Any positive suggestions here Link to post Share on other sites
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